Four Men and a Lady

Trust

2012-02-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

This morning I am in my quiet house still putting things away after making the big move. I have my music tuned to a Pandora station while I work. Every song is hand picked for me today it seems. I must take a break from what I'm busy doing and make note of what is going on within hearts today.

'Tis So Sweet to Trust In Jesus.... It is Well with My Soul... Be Thou My Vision.... Etc.

Having a teenager is challenging, but not in the ways that most people warned me about when my belly was big with the babes growing within. The challenges come from having to stand and watch them struggle through this thing called life. They have to figure things out and learn things the hard way sometimes. I don't like to see my children hurt though. I don't think any mother does. Adults can be so difficult sometimes. I often wonder if some of them are stuck in their teenage years STILL! The popularity contests do not stop in some adults apparently. The have their favorites on the baseball field. It doesn't matter if one of the boys has been at a three hour practice and hit every ball except for one and caught every ball except for one. It doesn't matter that this boy is the first to grab the rake and start cleaning up the field when practice is over either. Skills and character only go so far with some I guess. This is where it gets challenging for me.

Watching... Watching him struggle through finding his way. Then, I read our devotional at the breakfast table this morning. It was about trusting and seeking. Trusting that hardship is placed with purpose. The purpose being to seek Him more. To find him as Treasure! Hardship brings MORE skill, MORE character. We prayed, my boys and I. Then, I took them to school for another day of academics, play and competitiveness on the baseball field.

I came home and these songs fill my home with remembrance of our time this morning. Our time of learning to trust more and seek Him more.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for grace. Thank you for times like these that we all learn together. Please give my boys a peace about who they are and what they were created for. May YOU always be their source of confidence. ~

Boxes of Blessings

2012-02-03T09:13:00.000-08:00

We are blessed.

Yes, we are moving again in less than 24 hours, but we are blessed.

We are blessed because we do not travel alone. We do not carry sickness with us. We do not pack boxes of burdens... Only boxes of blessings. Boxes of smiles because high school is good now. Boxes of night time boy laughter coming from the room that they will share. Boxes of rest for my Love as the rent is lower, thus allowing us to save more for our next home purchase. Boxes of peace and a closer togetherness... Good for a Mama's heart.

Excited to find out what life will be like in this new place, but at the same time, knowing it won't be much different at all. We have each other and that's what counts. I have been reminded on several levels lately of the importance of the important.

The Lord has been teaching, and I have been better about learning... Growth. Finally.

Grateful for the moments of my own growth, and grateful also for the moments that I've witnessed growth in my family. God is faithful... Always.

The Journey

2012-01-26T08:43:00.000-08:00

I am trying something new. I am posting this using my new iPad that my honey bought me for Christmas. That means that my middle finger of my right hand is gaining new muscle above the rest of my fingers. :0) Touch pad is tricky, people.

So the other day I was thinking about this journey we have been on.... New schools, new homes, new friends, etcetera. This question popped into my head...

Where are we journeying TO?

The quickest answer I came to was, well, our final destination of course.... Our "final" home, school,etc.. But then I began to hear something else whispered in my ear. This journey that I am on, that my husband and our three sweet boys are on.... It's a journey to knowing and trusting Christ more. At the end of all of this we will ALL have a different relationship with Jesus. We are learning to let Him walk ahead of us each day. We are learning to hold His hand. We are learning that our ways aren't always His ways.

1 Thessalonians 5:18
Be thankful in everything, for this is christ's will for you.

We are learning to find gratitude in all circumstances. Gratitude in boxes being packed and unpacked again. Gratitude in being the new kid on campus half way through freshman year. Gratitude brings worship, and worship brings hope.

Hope brings strength.

The journey continues and it remains sweet. Thank you all for your prayers. They are felt EVERY day!

Sovereign Presence

2012-01-23T13:24:00.000-08:00

" Approach this day with awareness of who is boss. As you make plans for the day, remember that it is I who orchestrate the events of your life. On days when things go smoothly, according to your plans, you may be unaware of My sovereign Presence. On days when your plans are thwarted, be on the lookout for Me! I may be doing something important in your life, something quite different from what you expected. It is essential at such times to stay in communication with Me, accepting My way as better than yours. Don't try to figure out what is happening. Simply trust Me and thank Me in advance for the good that will come out of it all. I know the plans I have for you, and they are good."~ Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

I have spent my entire morning driving from one high school to withdraw Lucas to another high school where we enrolled him. We have prayed continuously over this decision. It is not a decision that we came to quickly or that we have taken lightly. Last night, this was our daily devotional. We read it as a family and I could not help but KNOW that these are the words that the Lord wanted me to hear over and over in my head as I went about my day today going forward with multitudes of paperwork for Lucas' transfer.

He starts at his new school tomorrow. Please pray for him.

Tender Hearts

2012-01-18T14:00:00.000-08:00

"Mom, will you read me a story tonight?"

We snuggle deep inside the gift of warm blankets. Just he and I. I hold his favorite. A big yellow hard bound collection of Curious George. As I read, I'm also thinking.... Remembering.

We get to page five and he stops me.

"Mom, do you think when I get older and I'm a dad that 'The man with the yellow hat' will have a name? Will he be called something different?"

I chuckle and then give him an unexpected answer. No, his name will still be 'The man with the yellow hat'. That's what it's always been... Even since I was a young girl reading these very same books.

His eyes grow large as he tries to picture me as one his own age, snuggled in tight with his Grandma or Papa. I get distracted as I watch him smile. We finish reading and then I just hold him tight. He's the youngest. The other two have stopped asking me to read to them. Caleb asks still, and I am thrilled.

Such a sweet and innocent heart beats inside the chest of my youngest man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The boys and I travel up the highway a bit to visit a place that has become special. It's a home for patients who have been diagnosed with severe memory loss. I consider it to be one of the sweetest places I know. We walk in with Lucy (our small poodle) marching in front of us. They know our faces and ask if we would like the code to get in and out of the door since we are "regulars" now. I feel a sense of honor. Through this big secure door we walk into a different world. Everyone is happy... Over joyed actually. They love to see children and pets too. Nobody appears to be sick. There are only smiles and greetings. Several greetings. They may have just said hello and met you with names, but by the time introductions are over, they have forgotten and the introductions start all over again.

We find ourselves in the dining room soon. I circle the room. I bend on one knee and take the hands of many, one at a time, and tell them how they bless my life just by knowing them. Lucas and Colby go to the beautiful grand piano that stands in the corner. They sit down and play a few fun things for these people who have stolen our hearts. The people applaud and the boys laugh. Caleb leads Lucy around the room and brings more smiles to faces as Lucy gets spoiled with hugs. Lucas and Colby spread their charm person to person. They sit and listen as the stories begin to spill from the residents' minds. They aren't the best at remembering two minutes ago, but they remember two decades ago like it was just yesterday. The history that is within these walls is remarkable! As conversations unfold, the sound of piano keys fills the room again. I look to the piano and see that one of the patients is playing. What a treat! I am told by the director that 'M' doesn't play anymore. She used to sing opera and she used to play the piano non-stop, but she can no longer read music and she cannot remember any music either. This is a rare moment. The boys smile, knowing that they had something to do with it since they had just played at that same piano. A lump forms well within my throat as I see the effect that these people have had on the hearts of my children.

Their hearts are tender. Their world is bigger as they are witnessing a community of people who are tucked safely into this very blessed home made especially for them. My boys ask to go visit this place. They even have "favorites" that they like to sit and chat with. The boys know that they will not be remembered from one visit to the next, but that doesn't matter to them. They just want to go and love these people. Oh, and may I just say how these people love them back! It is a sight to behold.

We leave through the big door and load into the car. The boys grab my cell phone and call their dad to tell them all the new stories and memories of the day. I drive back down the highway, leaving a bit of me behind within those walls. They steal hearts there, ya' know.

We will go back. It won't be long before they ask me to take them back, and we will travel up the highway again.

Ready For Change!

2012-01-16T16:44:00.000-08:00

I have had the same header photo on this blog since it's "birth". Let's see, I think I began posting here in 2007, so that's FIVE years!

I have had the same blog background for possibly more than a year. I haven't kept track of such things, but I'm pretty close to sure that it's been way too long.

I went back and read some of my old posts last week when I had a little free time. It was interesting to say the least. Every word is truth... heart felt. Every word written was part of my own cheap option of therapy. Every word though, sounds strangely the same. I know it's not. Situations in the past and in the present are very different. My reaction{s} have been eerily similar though. It set my mind in motion.

It's time for some change.

So, today marks a "re-birth" of this journal of life. There's so much to catch up on. Stuff that I've been neglecting because of the rut I've been stuck in.

Stuck no more! I'm excited about this clump of salt that I've let go of, and the change that is taking place in my life.

Much more to come...

Letting Go of Salt

2012-01-09T15:25:00.000-08:00

I just returned from picking everyone up from their first day back at school. It was a busy day for all of us, but a good day. Lots of time traveling back and forth in the car. A few loads of laundry, some grocery shopping, packing, etcetera.

I heard a story on K-Love today that grabbed my heart BIG time! I thought I would share it....

In the African jungles, baboons are hunted for their meat. Personally, I think this particular animal would be especially difficult to hunt. However, the people there that hunt them have discovered a "fool proof" way to capture their meal. They dig a hole about the size of a human fist into the trunk of a tree. Then they put salt inside of the hole. The scent of the salt is a strong attractant for the baboon. They come to the tree and immediately begin stuffing their large fists into the hole to get the salt. What they don't know is that getting their fists out with the salt is much too hard. Instead of leaving the salt behind, they hold onto it. They REFUSE to let it go! They will stay at that tree for days and become starved and dehydrated all in the name of not letting go of something that they really want. The hunter comes back to capture their prey. From a distance, they are able to kill the baboon who is weak and still refusing to let go. Pretty incredible, isn't it? This animal literally lays his life down for something as small as a clump of salt... Because that salt is what he HAS TO HAVE!

The story grabbed my heart because I have been like the baboon in the African jungle. My fist has been wrapped around a clump of salt. I have experienced starvation and dehydration in the name of not letting go.

About a week ago, we received news that we attained a new home. I say "home" and not house because it will be home, not just a house. For the first few days, I threw a fit like a little two year old. It wasn't the home I planned it to be! There were too many things that I didn't like about it. Not enough of this, and too much of that. What I failed to see at first was that it was the door that had opened for us... Exactly what we had been specifically praying for! Maybe I would have seen that earlier if I wasn't so focused on holding on to the clump of salt.

Eventually I let go of the salt. I began to nourish myself with The Word. I turned my music up in the car and worshipped with my hands held high ( I know, not the safest). My body, mind and slowly my soul began to feel hydrated again and ready to proceed with the unwrapping of this gift from the Lord.

And this is where I'm at today.

I'm so grateful for God's mercy and grace once again. I fail, and He comforts and teaches me in the process.

In just three short weeks we will be in our new home. I will be making another house our home. I can't wait to share more about it...

A Little Parenting Lesson

2012-01-05T07:44:00.000-08:00

I LOVED this show as a young girl! I remember being excited about watching it every Thursday evening. I specifically remember watching this particular episode. I, of course sided with Theo. When the studio audience clapped, I was right there with them... Clapping in the comforts of my own living room. Today, things are a little different. Who knew that all these years later I would view a clip of this show on someone else's blog and find such a HUGE amount of wisdom in such a short 3 minute-ish clip?

Dr. Huxtable.... Thank you. You put the words into eloquent beauty. ;0)

Ramblings

2012-01-03T07:47:00.000-08:00

It is morning and the house is quiet. Hubby went back to work this morning after being off since Christmas. The boys are all three still sleeping in their beds... They have one more week off. It is just me and the sounds of the heater coming on and the clicking of these computer keys.... Along with all the noise in my head. This is one of those times when there are so many things going through this brain of mine. I'm not sure where to start. Thus the title... Ramblings.

Christmas was beautiful. We stayed home and celebrated with each other and the few friends and family members that popped in throughout the day. It was very nice. It was so sweet to see the boys just relax and explore their new things. Caleb especially benefited from it since he assembled his new mosquito rocket AND set it off at the school up the street from us. He came home with a HUGE grin! I missed out on this one since I was here entertaining guests. I'm hoping to witness a little rocket action this week.

After Christmas we took a day trip down to San Francisco. We had lunch at Boudin's down at the wharf and then took the cable cars up to Union Square. We walked around a bit up there, had coffee and then loaded the cable cars again to ride back down to the wharf where our car was. It was TRULY a San Fran experience! We learned lots about riding the cable cars that day... Starting with NICE PEOPLE DON'T GET ON!!! We actually had to instruct the boys to push their way onto the car after we waited in line to get a car and then watched as people who had just walked up to the curb grab the car instead of us... THREE times!!

New Year's Eve was also a sweet time. We started the night by joining a bunch of our neighbors for a progressive dinner. After making it through three courses, the boys had had enough and what they were really craving was being cozy at home doing our annual ritual of watching the ball drop on TV. This year was a special treat as we got to see Lady Gaga in all of her weirdness sporting some kind of octopus costume while prancing around the stage with song. Wait... Can an octopus really prance? I know, WEIRD! Anyhow, it was neat to see that the boys still don't need all the hoopla and party life. They still are pretty simple beings. I love them.

We also did plenty of house hunting over the last week or so. It has been difficult. We have prayed for doors to close and doors to open. It seems that doors are opening to a house that for selfish reasons I'm not crazy about. The Lord is at work here in this heart of mine people. If this is indeed the door that we will walk through, then I know that there will be more change ahead... LOTS of change. To be totally honest, I am scared and excited all at the same time. It's a strange emotion. The other night though, I had this dream. In my dream, I was instructing a class room full of kiddos to open up their bibles and turn to Ephesians 5:16. I told them to write (in their best handwriting of course) the scripture down in their journals. When I woke up, I remembered the dream. I remembered the scripture, but I didn't know what the scripture actually said. It's not one I've committed to memory. So, I grabbed my bible and looked it up. I truly thought it would be something about submitting to my husband since I know Ephesians 5 is known for that. I went to bed the night before feeling that part of the problem with my attitude concerning the house was that I wasn't submitting to the needs of my husband. It wasn't that though. This is what it said...

"... Making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil." ~ Ephesians 5:16

What??? Like I said, God has a demolition crew working on my heart. He's apparently found it sometimes easier to speak to me when I'm asleep since my spirit is actually quiet then. Hmmm...

So now I get to enjoy the rest of my Christmas break with my boys. Well, if they ever get out of bed! For all of you moms out there with little ones that wake you up in the darkness of the morning... Trust me.... It doesn't last. Luke used to wake up EVERY morning between 5:30 and 6:00am. We would start our days SO early. These days we are lucky to see them in front of their breakfast by 9am when given the opportunity to sleep.

I plan on doing more writing here this week too. I really think it would be especially therapeutic this year to jot down a few goals for 2012. I'm not a resolution person, but I DO like goals.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-23T16:54:00.000-08:00

Hard to believe we are here again... Another Christmas, another year coming to an end. Time just cruises by.

Time cruises by and boys continue growing. This year has been no exception to that rule. Rather, it has been a year of MUCH growth... In more ways than one.

Lucas started high school this last fall. Ugh... I STILL find it hard to type those words. As I do exactly that though, I hear his very deep voice resonating through the house. My little man has turned into a BIG man! He just finished his first semester and we are proud parents. He is on a block schedule, which means he takes the equivalent of a whole year's worth of each class in one semester. He came away with two A's and two B's. He has been a very diligent worker academically. He has been keeping himself busy in various sessions of baseball training with his high school team. He enjoys the challenge of working with the JV and varsity teams. We are looking forward to seeing him play ball again in the spring!

Colby is attending a private school in town. He is doing very well there, just as expected. His teacher has repeatedly told me that he is the one that keeps the entire class grounded. When everyone else gets explosively goofy, Colby steps in and gets everyone back on track. He is well respected by his classmates and his teachers. I think if I were to ask him what his favorite subject is, he would say history. He seems to enjoy it a lot. Reading is a close second, but he mostly enjoys reading what HE chooses and not what someone else chooses for him. For his birthday this year he received a Nook Book and most nights there is a dull beam of light coming from under his bedroom door after everyone else has gone to sleep. I LOVE that we share this common thread. Colby played soccer this fall and he was a star player. He scored a few goals throughout the season and had several assists. His team beat another team that had gone undefeated for two years, so that was the highlight of his season.

Caleb attends the same school as Colby. He is a big fourth grader this year and loving it! It has been the highlight of MY school year to see him enjoy school so much and thrive there too. His teacher tells me almost daily how much she adores Caleb and his helpful spirit as well as his sense of humor. His favorite subject is language arts. He LOVES to construct his monthly book reports.... That in itself is nothing less than a miracle! Caleb has never been much for reading until this year. HUGE growth there! Caleb finally talked his mom and dad into letting him play football this year. As we thought, he's in it to win it. The boy ADORES the game of football!! He can tell you about almost any play, position and NFL player. Now he's tutoring me. I have a lot to learn still. We are looking forward to many years of stadium seating in all kinds of weather. J even went out and bought luxury stadium seats for us. We are the envy of every stadium so far. You can't miss us... We're the ones with the big fire engine red sled looking things being carried on our backs!

J and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary this past fall. Nineteen years seems like a lifetime ago, and then it seems like yesterday. It has been a challenging year for us with a move, and then learning just a couple of months ago that we will be moving soon again. More opportunity for strengthening our relationship. More opportunity for strengthening our faith. We have seen the gifts that have come in packages big and small. We rest assured that there will be more to come... More goodness from the Father. J has been able to get out to the golf course a few times this year and I'm praying for him to MAKE the time to do that more. He has developed a friendship with a guy from church that seems to be growing in unexpected ways. They both enjoy golfing, so maybe they will hit the greens more together. I am blessed by my husband who continues to make his family priority. I am completely aware that in this age, that is a rare thing.

I am staying very busy. It's funny because when people learned that for the first time since having school aged children I was going to have my days free, they would ask me, "what will you do with all of your time?" Hmmm...

I am teaching preschool and kindergarten music classes. I am teaching enrichment classes such as music, creative writing and geography to students 1st through 8th grades. I currently have eight private students that I'm teaching at home. I also tried something I have never done before... I directed the school Christmas musical. It was a lot of work, but an experience that I wouldn't trade. It was extremely rewarding! I hope to have the opportunity to do it again. Of course, all of these things take back burner to being the wife and mom that I need to be. That is still the first place my heart is.

Growth has been a word that has repeated itself all year. There has been evidence of physical growth, developmental growth, and most of all spiritual growth. At times, it has been difficult to witness, and then at other times it has felt like a true privilege. There has been much change this year, but one thing has remained...

God hasn't changed at all. His love, HIs care and His protection over us is solid. He delights in this family the same today as He always has. He notices the growth too. He sees where our hearts are at now and where they need to be and He is faithful in getting us there. We have seen this, and we know it to be very true.

Merry Christmas to you... I pray that this season of Joy in knowing that a Savior came will be a season that lasts more than just the here and now. It should be a season of joy because of our Savior throughout the ENTIRE year!

Much love ~

Eating My Own Words

2011-12-09T16:14:00.000-08:00

WOW... what a difference a couple of days can make!

This morning I sat sobbing in my car while on the phone with my mom. Everything that I felt and wrote here just a couple of days ago was temporarily forgotten as I let fear creep in once more. The biggest reason for my tears wasn't even the fear that I was feeling. The tears came because I was in disbelief over the fact that the "surrender" that I felt the other day, the peace? It had taken the back burner to the fear. I was disgusted with myself for letting this happen! Then, my mom reminded me that I am human. Not that that is any excuse. Someday I want to be the kind of woman that stands solidly in her faith system though. I want to be stronger... Wiser. I want to ride the wave without falling off!

We talked with our land lord last night. We will continue our search for a new rental. The word WAIT is still there... It's just not going to be here, in this house. God has a plan still. It's still His and not mine.

Would you please pray for me? Please pray that I will just find rest, and that I will hang onto the words WAIT, SURRENDER, and PEACE. I want to be in that place. I know it's where I'm supposed to be. Pray that I would not let the enemy sneak into every given opportunity and have the victory that he wants. That's what happened today. Oh how I hate giving him any victory over me!

God is still good... All the time.

Worth the Wait

2011-12-06T08:34:00.000-08:00

Last week was a stressful one.

My hubby and I looked at no less than half a dozen houses in a matter of three days. That may not seem like a lot to some of you, but when you consider the fact that both of us had regular work days, boys to shuttle back and forth to school and after school events, meals to prepare and piles of laundry to deal with... It was overwhelming!

It was a discouraging journey too. Over half of the houses we looked at were dumps! Seriously, I don't understand how people can get away with charging ANY amount of money for something that looks rat infested and moldy. But they do, and someone out there will take them up on their offer. The other houses were nice. They were average homes. Nothing extraordinary. The rent? Well, it was more like a mortgage payment! WOW... What has happened in the past 9 months? Rentals have gone bizerkos!

During these few days as we ran around looking and quarreling about all of this, I kept hearing the word WAIT. At first I pushed this word aside. It kept crawling back into my mind, but I pushed harder. It came in the form of just a whisper in my ear. It came through phone conversations with friends. It even came in a text from a friend... In scripture. The Lord was working hard at forcing me to stop and hear the word WAIT. Finally, I listened. I told J that I would support him if he felt he needed to keep looking, but that I needed to be obedient to what God was pressing upon me and WAIT. I informed him that I needed to stop being his partner in crime cruising daily (sometimes even hourly) through the Craigslist ads, property management web site, etc.. I believed that WAITING was something that I was supposed to do. God has this in His hands.

Saturday morning J and the boys went to a men's breakfast at church. I had the house to myself for the entire morning. I did some cleaning and baking. It was a sweet time. I spent time with Jesus the whole morning! Like a brick wall, it hit me. I knew what I needed to talk to hubby about. The word WAIT came to me because I needed to surrender. I needed to surrender ALL!

Since the beginning of this, people asked if we would just stay in this house while it was on the market. My response was "NO!" with a chuckle attached. There was no way I was going to live here, clean the house everyday just in case someone came by to view it, or drop everything and leave at a moment's notice so that a realtor could bring clients by. That's a lot of work! I know this because I just did it less than a year ago! I did it for us though. I did it to sell OUR house, not someone else's. I was almost insulted when people asked me if we would do this for our land lady. After all... She pretty much stunned us with this decision to sell the house now. I admit my sinful ways... I was angry with her for many reasons. I viewed living here with all of MY decor touches as helping her, and that was NOT something I was willing to do. Period.

When J and the boys came home from the breakfast on Saturday, I pulled my hubby aside. I told him that I thought I knew now why this word WAIT became so prevalent. I took a deep breath because I knew after I said what I needed to say, there was no going back. I told him that I was ready to surrender. I was willing to stay here while the house was up for sale. I would keep the house clean. I would gather all of us and leave whenever we needed to so that a realtor could come into our home and lead strangers around our things. I told him that maybe we were supposed to WAIT here. In return for this life inconvenience, we have asked our land lord for lower rent while it's on the market. We will ask that it be a mandatory 60 day escrow to give us time to find another place to live. I believe that the Lord will provide something else for us that will be well worth this WAIT.

It's not that I don't believe that the Lord is capable of providing something worth the WAIT now. He can, and He will if that is what He wants to do. Our land lady hasn't even given us an answer yet. We don't have any plan still. However, I did what God needed me to do. I let go of anger and I surrendered completely. This is His... Not mine.

A home to live in with my family, whether here or somewhere else will be worth the WAIT. Peace in my soul today... Worth the WAIT. God is good!

Breath Of Heaven - Amy Grant

2011-11-27T09:36:00.000-08:00

I happened across this video this morning. This is one of my absolute FAVORITE Christmas songs! As I've grown older and been a mother for the past 14 years, I have gained a new perspective of Mary. The message of this song is so sweet... Much like a lullaby from mother to child.

I haven't seen this movie (not even sure how I missed this one), but I plan on putting it at the top of my list this season.

ENJOY!

Just Because

2011-11-21T12:49:00.001-08:00

I know you don't read this blog often. Perhaps without intention, I leave you out of my everyday ramblings here a lot because I know that you don't read here often. Perhaps I come across as a wife who takes her husband for granted.

I do not.

I know I have a good thing here. I am absolutely confident that YOU are the GIFT god intended for me.

There is no other that I would rather be sailing these unpredictable oceans with.

There is no other hand that I would rather hold.

No other eyes that I would rather get lost in.

You are for me. This I know

.As I'm going about my day today, I just had this strong urge to put these thoughts down to words. I needed to ramble about you... The one I adore.

Just because...

The Toy Box

2011-11-10T09:07:00.000-08:00

Picture perfect proof that if you leave the lid open to the "toy box" long enough, and in a convenient spot... With the help of a few raindrops outside... They will come back to it. Even if they are 14, 12 and 10.

The best part is that it's been out all week... without the raindrops.

Fingerprints

2011-11-02T13:16:00.001-07:00

The past twenty four hours have been packed with all sorts of things...

Last night I had the honor of taking Colby on a mother and son date. We went to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert. It was an incredible experience that neither of us will EVER forget!! During the evening, we smiled, we laughed, we stood arm in arm. We clapped together through some of Steven's best songs and being the Mama that I am, I shed a few tears too. Colby was star struck the minute that Scott and Kelly from K-Love radio came out to announce the performers. Josh Wilson and another artist by the name of Andrew Petersen completed the trio. Andrew is now one of my favorites. He wrote and performed a song for his wife that knocked my socks off! Such a special night for my sweet son and I.

This morning I took Luke to the orthodontist to have his braces removed. When exiting the house this morning, he was sure that he would get to the office and they would change their minds for whatever reason. He never got excited about it actually happening because he really didn't think it would. I believe the poor boy thought he would go to his grave with that metal in his mouth. He would never again taste the yummy-ness of caramel corn, never be able to stick a big ol' wad of Big League Chew in his mouth, never be able to experience a piece of hard candy without hearing the faint whisper of his orthodontist's guilt. Well... It happened! He had them removed and boy, is he ever handsome!! Not that he wasn't before, but WOW... Girls... Keep your hands off! ** Picture soon to be posted **

On several occasions this week I have been approached with compliments on my boys. Some from people I know, some from complete strangers. The comments have all had the same theme though. People say they are different. They are respectful. They open doors for the ladies, they shake hands with men. They say their pleases, their thank yous, and they are eager to help people. I always remember to thank these people for their compliments. It means so much to a mama's heart. Then, I heard this Steven Curtis Chapman song about being covered with the Fingerprints of God. What timing!

My boys are covered by the fingerprints of a God who created them, who loves them, who has designed them with their individual purposes. It is easy for others to see these fingerprints... Thus the reason for all of these compliments. Some may know whose fingerprints they are, some may not yet. My prayer will continue to be that my boys will shed light and spread these fingerprints all over this world!

To borrow a few words from Steven Curtis Chapman...

"Just look at you, you're a wonder in the making.
Oh, and God's not through... In fact, He's just
getting started."

Yes, He is boys. He's only touched the surface with those fingerprints.

You make me so proud to be your Mama!

And Still Counting....

2011-10-19T13:11:00.001-07:00

Sometimes we wake up in the morning and have this incredible prompting to take our family and get away for the day. We have learned to listen to that prompting, and each time we are blessed beyond measure! We almost didn't do it this time. A couple of the boys were not happy about our plan to take a drive. They were complaining about not being home much (which is true), so we almost opted for just having a stay at home day. Something inside of J and I pulled all five of us out the door though. Staying at home would mean that we would all do our individual things. Some might clean, some might play, but we wouldn't be doing much of anything TOGETHER! Togetherness is what my hubby and I knew our hearts were craving. We grabbed a few things and headed up the hill to a sweet little place called Bridgeport. I have had friends tell me about this place for years, but I didn't visit until just this past weekend. What a treat! All five of us immediately became excited at the possibilities that awaited us on the trails, down at the water, in the trees, etcetera.

It's been a long while since I have recorded any 'gifts' in my 1000 gifts journal. I put my journal down months ago, and I have foolishly let it sit there unattended for way too long! My soul was suddenly flooded with words to jot down. I saw a look in the eyes of all three of my boys that I haven't seen in awhile. They were completely at rest. Not a care in the world!! They sat by the water and carved sticks into little boats to float down the river. They attached leaves, pine needles and whatever else they could find to make their boats original from each other. They collected rocks and skipped them in the water. J and I sat and soaked it all in. Not a single moment passed us by. My senses were working over time. There were smells that took me back to childhood. There were sights and sounds that took me back to their childhoods, and there was the calm and steady touch of my husband's hand in mine as we swallowed up this perfect day.

God knew I needed a big tug to get me counting again. Counting the blessings that surround me every minute. Counting the ways in which He lavishes His love on me and on my family. Counting the many ways I adore HIM and how HE amazes me over and over again.

In The Moment

2011-10-11T14:03:00.000-07:00

Time keeps ticking by here. We are staying busy... But looking forward to a little reprieve come middle of November. That's when we get a short break until sports start back up again. It's when our days seem a little longer. It's also when I feel like I have a chance to just breathe in these moments... Soak them in.

Lately I have been finding myself with a smile of remembrance on my face a lot. As I walk down the aisles of Target throwing the everyday necessities in the cart, I catch out of the corner of my eye a young boy arguing with his Mama about the gobs of costumes that fill the store.

"Mama, I wanna be BATMAN, not SUPERMAN! Batman is much cooler. Can I get the Bat Belt too?"

My heart smiles. The smile even appears on my face as I hope they don't catch me staring, only to think I'm some kind of crazy kid stalker cruising through Target. A lump makes it's way to my throat and suddenly I'm biting my lip instead of smiling.

I wander down a couple more aisles while in deep thought about all the yesterdays. Another scene catches my attention.

"Johnny, would you like the rubber boots with frogs on them or the fireman rubber boots?"

Mmmm... another familiar, but somehow distant memory. I miss Batman running around my house. I miss lining up the puddle soaked rubber boots at the door TERRIBLY! These are moments I can't get back, but through the lump in my throat I am able to say that there are more to come. Different... but more. All precious. All mine to tuck away.

God, help me to breathe more. Help me to soak up EVERY moment... Even (and sometimes mostly) the busiest ones. Help me not to rush time away just so that I can get to the slower days. Every day is a gift from you. Remind me to be on my knees more praying for my boys. Continue showing me my yesterdays, but help me to remember that my todays and my tomorrows are also moments in this life. Moments spent in this "Heaven on earth."

New News...

2011-10-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

To read an update on L's condition go here...

PRAISE BE TO JESUS!!

Please Pray...

2011-09-28T09:09:00.000-07:00

There are moments in life that simply take our breath away, and I do not mean in a good way.

My lungs and heart have felt heavy for the past three days. On Sunday afternoon we learned that a classmate/friend of Lucas' suffered a major heart attack. Yes... a FOURTEEN year old boy collapsed due to a heart attack while miniature golfing. He was transported to the hospital and put into a medically induced coma. We have heard many stories... One being that his heart literally stopped beating on it's own for 30 minutes. We have prayed for this young boy and his family since Sunday.

This morning Lucas attended his first "Meet me at the pole" event. As a school, those that met at the pole prayed for this boy. After, Lucas texted me and asked me to "pray hard" for his friend because as of this moment, it "doesn't look to good."

Would you please join me in prayer for this young man and his family? I have found it hard to do much else. My mind keeps going to his parents and all they that must be going through right now. They sent their son off to have some fun with his friends on Sunday, and life has drastically changed for them since that moment he walked out the door.

Our bible study group talked about miracles last week. God is capable. If it is His will, this friend of Lucas' will be healed. I am praying for that miracle. I am praying that the parents will feel overwhelming peace and that they sense the power of God's love and God's people carrying them at this time. I do not know if they are believers, but I pray that if they are not, that all things will point to Christ and that they will come to know Him through these tragic circumstances.

Please join me in praying for this family.

Love's Dance

2011-09-26T09:02:00.000-07:00

The music started nineteen years ago today.

He took my hand, put his arm around my waist and started this dance of life. With each step, becoming closer and closer to God's design of Man and Wife.

There have been moments of taking the floor to the swell of the music, and other moments of movements in quiet solitude. Moments of celebration, moments of disappointment and even mourning.

The music has never stopped. The rhythm has experienced changes, but the beat has not.

The music has sometimes reminded us of the fragility of life. Never knowing when that last step to the rhythm will be. Remembering to always offer each other our best.

He takes my hand still, and I embrace his. His smile continues to light my world. His voice is calm. Waking up next to his side brings me undeniable peace and contentment. He is a portrait of strength to my eyes and soul.

This dance, Love's Dance... It is a gift. God's gift to this heart of mine. God's gift to his heart too. That's why the dance is so sweet, so constant.

We hear the notes of life and we keep moving with it. My hand in his... My heart with his. The music goes on.

12

2011-09-21T21:23:00.000-07:00

Colby turned 12 today. One more on his way to becoming a teenager... One more working on earning his "wings".

This has been an amazing year for Colby! The Lord has proved over and over to our sweet son just how much he is treasured in His eyes. In the midst of our move, Colby just prayed for one thing... The opportunity to have his own room... FINALLY. Turns out he's been right all these years. Colby is the neat one. Caleb... Not so much. Colby keeps his room museum like. He actually asks me if he can stay up a little later so that he can vacuum before he goes to bed.

Just when we thought Colby wouldn't be able to play baseball this year due to league issues, we get a phone call from a very kind man BEGGING Colby to be on his team down here! We expected that being that Colby was a "new comer" AND a "late comer", we wouldn't get to see him play a whole lot. We couldn't have been more wrong! God showed us ALL what He is capable of and we had the privilege of watching our son play with the biggest smile we have EVER seen on his face! Then... to top it all off, the coach selected Colby as his "player of the year". What a sweet gift that was...

Colby started a new school year in a new place. He went with an anxious and excited heart. He came home on his first day with stories of a new friend made. He came home and told us about the challenges that he would face this year, but that he was ready for all of it! He continues to amaze all of us with his goal oriented mind. He sets the goal and he goes for it! He's not afraid of the steps that need to be taken to get there either. Just this week he came home with the highest grade in the class on a history test.. 105%!!! Did you see that 5 in there?? I'm a proud Mama...

I see many ways in which the Lord is strengthening Colby's heart and mind this year. I pray and I wait. I pray and I watch. It's an amazing sight! It's an honor that I never take for granted.

Colby, I will continue to pray that this year will be a year of more growth. I pray that you understand that the most important growth that takes place in a young man is the growth in his heart. Your heart has HUGE capacity! God is doing awesome things with you, my son. He will continue to deliver you from boyhood into manhood where you will set even more goals and achieve them also. You inspire me, Colby. I'm so thankful for the blessing of your life and everything you bring into this place we call home.

Happy birthday Colby!

I love you. ~

More New Beginnings

2011-09-14T10:11:00.000-07:00

This week I posted what's going on over at my other blog home. If you haven't visited there yet, click here to read about more new beginnings.

Have a blessed week!

She Looks To You

2011-09-08T14:08:00.000-07:00

This morning I had a doctor appointment. The appointment was near where my grandmother lives, so I decided to stop by for a visit after the appointment. To my surprise, as I was driving into her driveway, my grandparents were driving out. They saw me and turned around and came back. Grandma and I sat in the kitchen and started chatting.

The conversation began with the usual small talk and then deepened as we somehow got on the subject of her own parents. I immediately discovered that I don't know much about Grandma's family. I was very close to her little brother (growing up, he was like a grandpa to me), but other than that there's not much I know about. Grandma shared with me at her kitchen table today about how much of a hard worker her mother was. She worked well into her 70's before she retired. Unbelievably so, she assembled bobby pins and hair rollers. I will never look at either of these tools the same again.

I don't typically see very many tears make their way into my grandmother's eyes. Some people in my family say it does happen, but I can say without a doubt that I have not experienced much of it. The tears that I have seen were tears brought on by laughter. Today was a much different story. Today, as she talked about her mother I saw my grandma's eyes become glassy. She spoke of a time when her mother almost died due to an intestinal infection. She told me how her mother lay in that hospital bed and swore up and down that her son was coming in the door. This was a son who was out of the country serving in the military. My grandmother kept telling her over and over again that he wasn't there. He had been called since they didn't expect her to make it, but he wasn't there yet. No sooner had she said that for the fiftieth time did she point at the doorway only for my grandmother to turn around and see that her brother was indeed standing in that doorway! As my grandma told me this story today, her smile spread clear across her face. She simply stated, "Never mess with a mother's intuition." Yes, grandma... You are right. Now there are tears rolling down my cheeks.

My grandma then went on to tell me about my grandpa's failing health. She believes he has Alzheimer's. She battles with him every day about the daily tasks around the house. What was once routine to him is now becoming foreign and yet he gets angry when she tries to help. She spoke to me with such a heavy heart today. She wants to help. Grandma has always been a helper. As she said to me today, it's not in her blood to do nothing or ignore a situation when it's staring her in the face. She is committed to her husband no matter how sick he may be. No matter what kind of disease attacks him. No matter how many times he gets angry with her over car keys, remote controls or toothbrushes. She feels helpless though. As her eyes became glassy again, she said, "I just pray every day. I pray because that's all I can do."

As I traveled back home a song came on the radio that reminded me of grandma. The song is by Selah and it's called 'I Look To You.' There are many parts in the song that don't necessarily apply to Grandma, but some of the lyrics will forever remind me of grandma after today's sweet talk in the kitchen. Part of the chorus goes like this...

I look to you, I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you, I look to you
And when the melodies are gone
In you, I hear a song.

At one point in our conversation about her mother, Grandma looked at me and said, "I just don't know how she did it all."

I think I know, grandma. I never knew her, really. But, after watching you and the kind of person that you are and the ways in which you draw your strength... I have to wonder if maybe she looked to the Lord for her strength and for her song just like you do! I will join you in praying, because that's "all we can do"... At least for now. I will also pray that you will continue to find your strength and your beautiful song in the Lord. You are an amazing person.... Someone I never stop learning from. The time we had today was precious and will remain in my heart for a long time.

I love you. ~

Beach Trip 2011

2011-09-06T13:40:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we had the opportunity to get away and visit friends at the beach down near Santa Cruz. It was PERFECT!! When we got there, we had a nice thick layer of fog (special ordered) to cool us down from the heat we've been having at home. The next day we had sun.

We experienced a little bit of everything perfect at the ocean.

The Middle Lane

2011-08-26T09:11:00.001-07:00

School is in full swing! Every morning I arise before the rest of the house so that I can have my own quiet time before waking up the troops. It is sacred time. By six thirty in the morning, the whole house is awake. Boys are rolling out of their beds and walking zombie like to the bathroom, hubby is dressed and standing at the coffee pot and dogs are running about waiting for their breakfast to be poured.

From this moment on, the days are lived out with structure. They seem to be lived out by the hour and minute hands on the clock. Yesterday after school I took Colby and Caleb out for frozen yogurt. Luke came home from school with a bad cold, so he opted to stay home with his box of kleenex by his side this time. As we were walking to the frozen yogurt shop, Colby asked if he could run into the pawn shop and check to see if they had any more XBox controllers. They bought their system there over the summer, but it only came with two controllers. My first response was, "Hon', no we can't today. We have to get our yogurt, go to Papa's for some football lessons, and be back home at such and such time so that your dad can take you to such and such place at such and such time." He accepted the answer and we kept walking. He didn't complain. He didn't ask questions. He just accepted it.

That's when I knew something was wrong.

We live our lives by the clock too much! We have ALL accepted it. We don't fight it. We don't argue with it. We just do it. How completely sad. Truth is, there's no better way to make time fly faster, and here I'm always griping about how time just never slows down.

I grabbed my almost 12 year old son by the shoulders and pointed him towards the store. I told him "YES... Go in, but walk in... Don't run. Take your time and make sure you don't miss anything." He smiled and he and Caleb walked into that pawn shop. They came out empty handed, but they were satisfied with the fact that they had searched.

We left the yogurt shop and headed up the street to my dad's house. He wasn't there yet, so we went to the backyard to sit in the shade on this very hot day. After about half an hour, my dad called and apologized for being late. He's NEVER late, so I knew he was probably stressed about that. I assured him that we were fine and that I was receiving the gift of sitting for the first time all day.

I had moved out of the fast lane and into the slow lane in a matter of minutes. It felt heavenly! I realized that what I was receiving was a reminder from the Lord about how He wants us to live our lives. I know all of this stuff, but somehow I got trapped in this fast lane that I have spent most of my adult life trying to avoid.

My lungs actually felt lighter this morning. I didn't have the hurried spirit in me that I have had starting at 6:30am every day. This morning as I came into contact with people, I didn't rush right past them to get to my next destination. I smiled politely and said "Good morning" to EVERYONE. It felt good. It felt right.

Life isn't about a race. It's so easy to get caught up in that way of thinking (and doing). For me, I have to deliberately focus on staying in the middle lane. If I'm in the middle lane, I'm close to either place. I can get to the fast lane if the need arises, or I can drift over into the slow lane for awhile and let others pass me by. There is a time for both. There is purpose in both.

Thank you, Lord for pointing my shoulders in the right direction. Thank you for your gentle reminders that come from my children and in a chair perfectly place in a shady backyard.

Spreading His Wings

2011-08-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

Last night the tears fell hard, but I think that was a good thing. This morning I feel better... Clearer.

Today was the official "first day". Luke started his freshman year of high school. Like it's been pointed out to me, we didn't have a "first day of kindergarten", so today was much like that for me.... A few years late. Yesterday I was flooded with flashbacks of sitting around the dining room table with the lazy susan full of crayons, pencils, glue sticks and lined paper. I thought of the cozy mornings at home reading by the wood stove together. The memories of lunches out on the back deck or patio were fresh and seemed very new, but I knew they weren't. They are memories of a season that has passed.

Changing seasons isn't an easy thing for me. Since last winter though, the changes have been coming frequently and steadily. God has been gracious to hand them to me one at a time. I am not so blind to see that. He could have chosen to change everything all at once. He knows my limits, so He has been giving me what I can handle, one thing at a time. New home, new faces, new schools for my boys. Everything is from HIm... This I know. In that I find multitudes of comfort!

So today Luke is spreading his wings. He has his armor on and he's putting all those lessons learned at the dining room table to good use. I am still feeling just a bit teary eyed, but I know this is normal, and I will be fine. I am proud of my son. I already feel that in this new place he will grow, he will be challenged, and he will be respected and loved by many.

Turning Ten

2011-08-14T22:08:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning I will wake up and my baby will be turning ten years old.

Double digits.

No more single digit children.

That's a hard idea to even try to fall asleep with tonight.

In some ways, I almost feel like Caleb should have two birthdays. The obvious one being August 15th (the day he was born into this world) and the other one being January 15th... The day he won the fight.

On January 7th, 2001 I went to my regularly scheduled OB appointment. On this day, I was supposed to hear his heartbeat for the first time. The doctor squeezed that cold jelly on my tummy and started pushing slightly, then with more force. She tried this way and that. She changed machines half way through. Then, she told me to get dressed and she would come back in. Of course I immediately knew something was wrong. When she entered the room again she sat and very sympathetically told me that it looked as if I had what is called a blighted ovum. She was unable to find a heart beat, and the embryotic sac hadn't grown at all since my previous appointment. This appointment was on a Friday and she gave me the option of having a D&C on the spot there, or waiting through the weekend to see if my body would take care of it on it's own. I asked if there were any more tests we could do. She told me to wait until the following week and if there was still no miscarriage, then she would do some blood tests to check hormone levels.

By Monday, I was still pregnant. I called and we scheduled the blood work. We had to do two separate draws with a day in between to compare the levels. It seemed like there were two WEEKS in between those draws! I still remember it like it was yesterday! Finally, on MY birthday, January 15th 2001 I received the best birthday present a woman could ever ask for. I received news that my hormone levels were still going up! I went into the docs office and she was able to find the heart beat! I was almost 10 weeks pregnant. There should have been a heart beat long before this appointment, but Caleb Ross became the miracle that many prayed for. He fought the fight and he became the warrior that he still is today. From that day on, I knew he would be different. I just didn't know in how many ways.

Caleb was by far the hardest kicker of the three. He actually bruised my tummy from the inside out! I never worried about tracking his movements because they never stopped. He kept me wondering about the little person he was becoming morning, noon and night. I prayed over that big tummy of mine waiting anxiously to meet my next little miracle. When he finally arrived, it was love at first sight. My mommy heart expanded all over again for this little tiny boy who proved miracles do happen.

Tomorrow morning Caleb turns 10. He is still the fighter he has been since that January day. He has a will like no other and I remain confident that God is going to use that will for such HUGE purpose! Caleb's smile can make a whole room of frowns turn upside down. His laughter is absolutely contagious. I simply cannot imagine our lives without him, and I STILL cringe when I think of that option I was given in that Dr.'s office on January 7th, 2001. I thank God that I was raised to have a faith that stood bigger than any human person or idea.

Happy birthday, Caleb. You might be turning ten... Double digits and all, but you will always be our "baby".

I continue to pray that the warrior side of you will be strengthened and used for the glory of God who made you, who formed you beautifully, who gave you life on the exact day... At the exact moment that He saw as perfect.

I love you. ~

Summer Pics pt. 2

2011-08-09T07:52:00.000-07:00

Summer's End

2011-08-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

As I type those words up there, it just doesn't seem possible! How could we already be at the end of another summer? Didn't we just start it? Further... How could my first born be starting his first year of high school in one week?? Seriously?? People have asked him if he's nervous, and he calmly says, "No". Well, that's because his Mama is carrying all of HIS nerves in addition to my OWN!

It's been a good summer. At the beginning of the summer we made a big list of lots of things we wanted to do during these two and a half short months. We listed things such as going to Farmer's Market, fishing, being in two places at once... Even eating liver and onions for the first time (that was Caleb's idea)! We have put a check mark on almost everything. It's been a successful summer of doing a bit of everything.

This week we're school shopping, dusting off the old books, going to our last $5 movie day at the theatre and packing up for our last HURRAH camping trip with our church. This week I am enjoying my last quiet and unscheduled mornings in bed with my cup of coffee and reading materials. I will still make time for my quiet time once school starts, but it will have to be before the sun comes up!

I have chosen a few pictures that sum up our summer. If I were really good, I would figure out those flickr or piccasa collage things that people do all the time. I'm not that good... At least not for now.

Clement Richard

2011-08-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

For the past three weeks, we have had an incredible young man from France living with us. We took him in from a summer exchange student program. When we said "yes" to the coordinator that actually came to us, we never expected to be so richly blessed by the experience. I wrote in detail about our three weeks with Clement and all the lessons learned over here...

If anyone ever comes to your door and asks if you are interested in hosting an exchange student, I wholeheartedly suggest that you say YES! The doors of your heart will be opened in ways you never thought possible.

We are so grateful for Clement. We are grateful that his parents want to share him with the world. They have so many reasons to be proud of their son!

We miss you already, our "french son". We will see you on Skype!

Kisses...

A Calling

2011-07-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

I won't go into detail here, because all of the details are already at your fingertips if you care to explore. I will share with you that God has laid something new upon my heart. Well, it's not really "new", but my calling to share it regularly is new. I hope that you have a moment to check out a new place where I will be recording different thoughts. This will still be "home" to family happenings and such. However, I will now be sharing about my daily walk with the Lord over at my new "home" called Passionforpraise.blogspot.com. You can get there simply by clicking on the title located on my left sidebar. I am so excited about sharing here! God has blessed me with a passion for Him, and now I feel that He is blessing me further with a passion for writing all about it!

Oh, and if you are one of those who "lurks", but prefers to remain anonymous ( I know you're out there, my blogger helps tell me so), I ESPECIALLY hope that you will follow me over there as well. Even though I don't know you, the fact that you come here to visit makes you important to me. :0)

Vacationing 2011

2011-07-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

This summer's vacation was ALL about the adventure! My hubby ad I set out to create a very memorable, loaded with adventure road trip for these three boys... And that's just what we did!!

We set out on the open, desolate highways of Nevada, Utah and Arizona. We saw intriguing things such as Area 51 in Nevada. I would inform you of the town in Nevada, but I'm not sure that Area 51 is part of a town. If you live in Nevada, then I'm sorry. That's all I will say about that.

Utah was a treat! We only visited the southern most part of the state, but we were pleasantly surprised by the beauty, the weather and the fact that we did find ONE Starbucks... FINALLY! My poor hubby was having some pretty serious withdrawals. We were able to experience typical summer time afternoon thunderstorms, beautiful sunshine and perfect temperatures. We visited with family and stayed at their FABULOUS lodge (a lodge that was temporary "home" to Amy Grant a couple of years ago). We fished near Brian Head Mountain and we hiked and went horseback riding through Zion National Park. We had late dinners at little hole in the wall joints in Kanab, Utah where we were entertained by their local karaoke competitors. We swam with bikers that adorned long feathered earrings and ponytails. We toured the North Rim of the Grand Canyon too.

Every night before laying our exhausted heads down J would pray. There was always thanks given for blessings received that day, but what I remember most was hearing my husband pray for the next day. He would pray for safe travels, and then he would pray specifically for the people that we would meet and talk to the next day. Every one of our days on this adventure we would have at least one long conversation with someone and learn about them. Sometimes they would be people from across the world, and sometimes they were local. The stories were always amazing! Each one of them felt like an appointment that had been made between them and us. That's just what they were.

It was such a sweet time away. God's presence was HUGE! It was noticed every day as we looked upon the beauty that He so meticulously designed in the mountains, the rocks, the rivers and lakes. It was in every conversation that took place in our car on those long, lonely roads. His presence was evident in the appointments with each stranger that we sat and chatted with, and God's presence was at it's biggest in Las Vegas where as parents, we were lead into some discussions with our boys that won't soon be forgotten. As they looked around this place called "Sin City", their hearts felt heavy with sadness. J and I just listened for awhile to everything that they were taking in. After awhile it wasn't hard to see that they didn't need us to help them form their opinion of such a place. Their opinions had already been formed, and for this we felt grateful and humbled as parents.

J drove a total of over 1800 miles in all and every mile has a story! The togetherness found in a vacation is unmatched. We have gone on weekend trips, we have done the "stay-cation". These are all fun and a blessing in their own way, but I LOVE the connection I find with my husband and each of our boys when we leave home for an extended amount of time. Mmmmmm... SO GOOD!!

God knew the desires of our hearts and He supplied even MORE than we needed. Isn't He just like that though? This family vacation will go down in history. It will be one that we will talk and laugh about for all of our lives! We set out for adventure and that's exactly what we had.

More Than A Conqueror

2011-07-19T09:37:00.000-07:00

How many times have I doubted? How many times have I said it?

"Oh, I'm hangin' in there."

The answer... MANY! Too many.

We had a FABULOUS, blessed vacation, and I will post about that soon with lots of pictures. First I need to jot down the thoughts that are heavy. The thoughts that have been circling around my head since Sunday's message at church.

Every day is a day designed by God. Every moment is known by Him. Sure, I make decisions. I'm not saying that I get up and turn my GodBot button on and he directs my steps and words like some kind of puppeteer. What I AM saying is that my attitude about the everyday happenings determines my very life. Not only that, it determines a lot of the lives around me because it's not hard to see that a lot of times, parents are the temperature gauges of the household. We model for our children. We model good and bad, don't we?

Do I want to spend my life simply "hanging in there"? Do I want my husband or my children to see me model for them in that way? OR... Do I want to spend my days here on this earth learning from my experiences, both good and bad? I want to model joy, in every circumstance. I want those that I love to see me with my eyes and hands lifted up... Even in the storm.

I know it's not very storm-like, but it's what's most recent and relevant. After church on Sunday we came home with a total of NINE boys! Our vehicle just kept filling up until it could be stuffed no more. We brought them home and then the big question was "What do we feed them"? Ummmm... Little Caesar's of course! It's cheap, it goes a long way, and they LOVE IT! I told J that I would go (hey, an opportunity to charge my estrogen a little before coming back to this house full of testosterone). I left the house and turned up K~LOVE. While sitting at a light not far from home, I was suddenly jolted from behind. I had been rear-ended... UGH! I was singing along with the radio, so I bit my tongue on both sides and I immediately experienced the typical effects of whiplash throughout my neck, shoulders and head. I've always thought those people who complain about pain after being rear-ended were just a bit on the wimpy side. I don't think that anymore. Anyhow, as I exited the car to talk to this woman that hit me, I didn't display very much joy at all. As a matter of fact, it was quite the opposite. I was angry. I gathered information from her and called J to come meet me with the officer. After that, I went back to my car, sat down and started to give a good pout. Why did my day have to go in THIS direction? If anyone had asked me in that moment how my day was going, I wouldn't have even said I was "Hanging in there". I would have chosen a few other words.

After I sat there sulking, I was able to come out of the fog a bit. I started to see what I had failed to see before.

It could have been so much worse. It was just a fender bender. My car was still drive-able. My body hurt, but I was able to walk and talk. I was not in need of any immediate medical attention. I would be able to drive home to my family. I had practiced what I've always been taught about space cushion, so nobody in front of me was hit. God was there. If I allowed Him, He would make me "more than a conqueror". I apologized to the woman who was waiting for everyone else to arrive at the scene. I told her I was sorry for losing my cool. Then I went back to my car and simply prayed. My eyes were on Him because I knew that I still needed to go back home to a house full of boys. I would be their temperature gauge.

After all was said and done, I headed back home (J completed the task of getting the pizzas). I walked in the door and I was immediately greeted with concerned boys. They were so sweet. They were angry that it happened too, but I had the opportunity to say this...

"Today is a perfect day to practice being more than a conqueror."

I was able to say it with a smile on my face only because it was put there by God. The army of boys settled and the rest of the day went as planned. Lots of boy fun and pizza to feed the crowd.

I became grateful for the moment.

I have continued to learn about the storms. My prayer now is that I will look like more than a conqueror FIRST when the next one comes... Whatever it may be. I have learned that if the first thing I do is look UP instead of DOWN, then the outcome will be different. The outcome will be what He has planned for me instead of what I have planned for myself.

"For if He is for me, then who can be against me?"

Missing Them

2011-07-06T21:32:00.001-07:00

Trying something new again...

For the first time since becoming a mom 14 years ago, I am without my crew. A little over a year ago, I left them to be a part of my best friend's wedding. Today they left me behind to attend a three day "Boy's Fest" in San Francisco.

They are catching two major league baseball games.

I am painting living room walls.

They are tailgating with the guys.

I am enjoying a quiet dinner with just my mom.

They are sleeping in sleeping bags inside a church in the city.

I am sleeping with two dogs.

They are being boys.

I am being a busy mom with a mission to check things off my list!

I am missing all of my boys tonight, but I'm so happy that J and the boys are getting this great opportunity! They are with a great group of guys (young and not AS young) that are like family to us. The memories that they are making are ones that will be legendary... I can feel it in my bones!

When they get back, we will be taking off for our summer adventure... A drive to Utah and the Grand Canyon. More legendary memories! Mmmmm... Summer is so sweet. So thankful for the gift of enjoying the season, my family and ALL that God has in mind for the five of us.

Thought for the Day

2011-06-20T07:39:00.001-07:00

No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. ~ Luke 8:16

I pray that my light shines brightly today. That it is not hidden from my own home, or those outside of this home. I want my face, hands and feet to be FULL of Jesus' light so that I can share with others how GOOD He is! I pray that my husband and my three boys shine brightly too. Make us all a beam of light that can be nothing less than CONTAGIOUS!

For Luke

2011-06-16T21:49:00.000-07:00

It is nearly 10 o'clock on the night of your fourteenth birthday. It has been a busy day, but I cannot lay my head down for the night until I write your birthday letter. I have done this since your very first one.

It is yet another milestone year. You are not only turning fourteen, you are entering high school in just a couple of short months. It seems impossible to me! Just a few minutes ago I reminded you that on this night fourteen years ago I held within my arms a very small baby boy whose entire body was smaller than the size of your head! Now, you tower over me. You have to hunch over to hug me and when we talk, you are looking down instead of up.

Today we shared some special moments. Our talk today is one that will not ever leave me. As I spoke to you, I purposefully looked into your eyes. I wanted to see that you were taking everything in. I wanted to feel that our bond today as mother and son changed just a bit and that there was a new level of understanding between us. God directed our conversation perfectly.

Last night we went to a very simple worship service. It was extra sweet. I sat there with my three boys and I was overcome with emotion over how blessed I am once again. When it came time for us to pray with our church family you all stepped in and participated. You called out the names of our Father and spoke about who He is to you. I was so proud. When I opened my eyes, they immediately fell to these words...

' Teach me O Lord to follow your decrees, then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight; Turn my heart toward your statues and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things, preserve my life according to your word. Fulfill your promise to your servant so that you may be feared. Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good. How I long for Your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness. ~ Psalm 119:33-40

I knew right away that this would be my prayer for you this year as you enter into a new stage of life. As you start high school and you are faced with things you've never been faced with before, I will be on my knees praying that the Lord will continue to teach you... That He will give you understanding of His laws and that you will TRULY desire to follow it with ALL of your heart. I will pray that your eyes will be turned away from selfish gain, and that they will remain focused on being missional in every area of your life. You are our gift, but more than that, you are God's gift. You are HIS! As I've said so many times before, He has such awesome plans for you, my son!!

I love you with all of my heart, Luke. A mother's heart never stops expanding with love for her children. This I know to be absolute truth. It never ceases to amaze me! As you continue to grow, mature and become a man more and more each year, it's easy to become a little sad because I'm losing my little boy. However, I was just telling a young new father yesterday... "It never stops being fun! Being a parent brings so much joy, and just when you think it couldn't get any more exciting, it does... Even when you have one about to turn fourteen."

Happy birthday Lucas Alan.

Love,

Mom

Cherries!

2011-06-08T21:41:00.000-07:00

In our backyard stands the most beautiful, bountiful cherry tree you have ever laid eyes on! It is picture perfect. It has never had even an ounce of pesticides applied to it's being and unless the birds suddenly realize the treasure that it is on this very night, it remains untouched. When we moved in back in April it's blossoms were amazing! I watched the fruit appear before my very eyes and I immediately started watching over it like it was my fourth child. You see... I've heard about these cherry trees. I have had friends that have never tasted a single cherry from their trees because of birds or some form of pests. From the very beginning, I have tried not to get my hopes up too much.

This week we have been picking and tasting, picking and spitting the tiny little pits. Mmmmm... And the tree is STILL loaded!! We have a ladder out there now and I'm getting my jars down soon to start on some yummy fruit preserves. Our hands (and mouths) will be busy.

This tree is one of FIVE fruit trees in our backyard! We have two peach trees and two plum trees in addition to this gorgeous cherry tree. These trees are something I became extremely excited over when finding this home. They mean more to me than just the fruit that they bear. A little over ten years ago when we moved from the valley to the hills, I had to leave two fruit trees behind. One was a peach tree and the other was an orange tree. They were both planted as memorials to our two baby boys born too early... Konner Thomas and Kyle Joshua. Leaving those trees behind was very hard! Some told me that I could try uprooting them and transplanting them into the ground up the hill. In my heart though, I knew they were happy and full of life where they were. I didn't want to risk destroying their vitality. I left them where they belonged.

Can you imagine the joy inside when a little over ten years later God gifted me with these trees? We don't live in a neighborhood where you would expect to find a mini orchard growing in the backyard! God knew though... He knew way back then... On that day when I left those trees behind, that I would be blessed with fruit trees in my own backyard again someday.

Surprises come in all shapes and sizes... God surprised me BIG with this one!

Blessings

2011-06-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

Craziness around here! California is definitely NOT experiencing a typical spring/early summer as far as weather goes. I know the rest of the nation is experiencing their own weather weirdness too though, so it's hard to complain too much (well, not really, but at least I know I shouldn't). I was listening to K~Love on my way home from Target this morning and a lady from Anchorage, Alaska called in saying that they are getting unbelievably warm weather right now. She was saying how UNUSUAL it is for 80 degree weather there, but they feel blessed. Sounds to me like Alaska and California somehow got their months mixed up!! I am glad that they feel blessed though.

We are experiencing other blessings not related to weather around these parts. Luke graduated from 8th grade last week. For some I know this isn't an amazing accomplishment ( E.V.P), ;0) but the way I look at it is different. We all knew academically that Luke would graduate from the 8th grade as scheduled. However, I think every parent wonders what their child will be like when they are old enough to enter high school. We have spent the past 9 years putting Luke's armor on for this next season. He will no longer be schooled at home or in the intimate setting of a home school co-op. He is entering a mid-size public high school in just a few short months. I believe with all of my heart that he is ready. He has graduated from this stage and going on to the next. His character is outstanding and I believe he will shine brightly. We are all excited about experiencing the blessing of watching him to continue to grow in his high school years!

It's been awhile since I've attached pictures, so here are a few... ENJOY! I finally bought a new camera, so I'm learning all the bells and whistles. This is going to be FUN!

Counting Blessings...

Freshly brushed Copper
Sweet Caleb's always smiling face
Watching Colby play ball like a pro
Lucas and Grandma on BBQ day
Hay bale gardening for the first time ~

Overwhelming GodNess

2011-05-21T07:03:00.000-07:00

Normally I am inspired with a title to my posts, and I go from there. God just puts some phrase or word containing a lot of thought on my heart and then writing about it is so simple. Today I am starting this post with a blank title.

This morning I just woke up early feeling like it had been too long since I had written. This is our busiest time of year... End of school year, baseball, swim team, baseball, vacation planning, baseball. Oh, and did I say baseball? Gathering my thoughts isn't an easy task. Simply gathering enough thought to prepare dinner at the end of the day sometimes proves itself to be quite the daunting task! Therefore, if you look back in history you will notice that this blog tends to be lacking fresh pages during the months of April~July.

Since beginning this post, there is a phrase that keeps coming to my mind... Overwhelming GodNess! See, He works like that. Yes, I know GodNess isn't a word. I think you may know where I'm going here though. It has been almost two months since we have made our move down the big hill. We are pretty settled in already. Sure there are still some things to be hung on the walls and other decorating touches that I will continue to add. I would do that anyhow, even without a move. I just like decorating. Our life down here feels good. The boys have friends that they hang with almost daily right across the street. J is MUCH happier having his daily commute cut in half. I am in seventh heaven having a grocery store right down the street. Luke is now officially enrolled in high school for the fall and Colby and Caleb are also enrolled in a private school that I'm VERY excited about being a part of next fall too. Caleb is on the local swim team (and I DO mean local... It's only 1.5 miles from the house), Colby is wrapping up his first season of playing baseball down here (He hit his first inside the park home run the other night). It feels like we've been here for years... And yet I'm not sure if the conveniences are something I'll EVER get used to! It's easy to see EVERY day all the ways in which God has showered us with goodness.

I was telling a friend recently that when we first started this process, I felt like we were about to endure great punishment for poor decisions made. In the beginning, I never felt like any reward would come out of this move. I remember calling her to tell her that we were selling our house. I cried so hard that I'm not sure she really heard my words too accurately. I did hear her though. She told me that it would be okay... That God was in this and He would see us through. She was MORE than right.

God has shown us what He is capable of. He has done so much MORE than see us through. He has carried us all the way and then He has set new purpose right before our eyes. I can't tell you how many times during the past few weeks of living in our new home... Our new community, that J and I have encountered moments where we were "Oh, okay NOW I get it... This is all yet another piece of the puzzle." God is so faithful to show us that this is NOT punishment... It IS part of His plan for us, and it HAS purpose!! I can even say now that it is His reward.

Today is another full day of baseball. I LOVE these days! Waking up with excitement over what I will witness in my boys for the day gives me the biggest rush. I always witness something... It may be a big hit, a big play or a big lesson learned, but it's always something. Today though, I feel like this day will be different. Different because I woke up with a completely overwhelming feeling of God's goodness. I woke up feeling like I'm in the middle of my own big lesson learned. I don't want the learning to ever stop either. Learning feels good. Sometimes it hurts to the point of crying so hard that you cannot possibly be understood, but even that feels good in it's own way. God has so much to teach me.

Thank you, Lord... For your overwhelming GodNess.

Seasons

2011-05-09T21:23:00.000-07:00

There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

This morning { the morning AFTER my favorite day of the year... Mother's Day} I crawled out of bed early, came out to the couch and started my morning quiet time. I opened my bible to the book of Ecclesiastes. I have read from this book before, but this morning I read it from beginning to end. My eyes were wide open and my heart was pounding as I read the words before me. What a treasure!

I immediately knew that opening my bible to this book was no mistake. Yesterday was a good day. Caleb got up and made a pot of coffee { he never would tell me how many scoops of coffee he put in... he wanted it to be a surprise! } , Colby busied himself with making yet another beautiful card, and Lucas prepared a simple breakfast. I stayed in bed just a little longer than usual. We went to church and listened to a heart felt message from our pastor. I cried. We went to lunch, visited with my mom and came home. We tried to take a nap, but eventually got up and headed out the door again for a much needed family hike. The sun came out just in time! It was such a lovely day. Without skipping a beat though, during each part of the day I kept asking myself, "Will this ever come to an end? What will Mother's Day look like for me years down the road? Will it still be my favorite?"

After reading the scriptures I read this morning, I can say, "YES!" Mother's Day will always be my favorite. It won't always look the same. Seasons change. I am learning to accept that. Seasons change, but I will always be 'Mom'. I will always wear that name tag with such pride and joy. My heart explodes with joy over being a mom to my three boys!

My own mother has let the seasons of motherhood come in and lead her to where she needs to be. I learn from her. I hope to always learn from her. The way she mothers me now is different in many ways from the way she mothered me as a young girl. She loves me the same, but she shares it differently.

I no longer sit and swaddle my babies. Counting their toes is something not viewed in my eyes as sweet anymore { actually, pretty gross }. I DO cheer them on though. I try to never miss a baseball game, a swim meet, a debate at school or a musical performance. I am their biggest fan... for now. I know that season will change too. When it does though, I will be ready to grab onto whatever the next season of motherhood brings. It always does bring something new.

I will always claim being a mommy to be my greatest prize this side of heaven. It was a gift given to me by the one who made me... The One who knew that Mother's Day would forever be my favorite.

I love you boys...

Bald Is Beautiful!

2011-05-01T22:00:00.001-07:00

I cannot go to bed this night without posting what is so heavy on my heart.

Tonight we attended a benefit event for a sweet family that we have known for many years. Their ten year old daughter was recently diagnosed with Lymphoma. She is in the middle of the biggest battle of her life right now, and she fights with such grace and HUGE faith!

I can't think of Emma Kait without visualizing the first time I met her. Our Caleb was just an infant and he was being fussy in church. We were visiting a new church too. So, I did what many other mommies do with fussy babies and I exited the sanctuary and made my way to the foyer. Emma's mommy, Rebecca was holding sweet little 1 year old Emma on her hip out in the foyer for the same reason. We made our way to the nursing mother's room to feed our hungry babies. We talked about all the things that two new mother's talk about and I knew instantly that we would be good friends. Never in a million years did I imagine that 9 years later we would be attending an event to help support their family through a journey infested with this horrible disease called cancer. My heart sinks with every thought of it!

Tonight we brought home two bald boys. Colby and Caleb both supported Emma by having people sponsor them to have their heads shaved. As we drove home I kept glancing back at their clean shaven heads. I did a lot of praying too. Thank you God, that they have hearts to serve others. Thank you God, that we can be a support to these friends who love their daughter no less than we love these boys of ours. Thank you God, that these boys of ours are healthy... For them being bald was a choice they made, not a necessary cold, hard reality. Saying this last prayer was almost difficult. I almost have a sense of feeling guilty. Why did this disease attack Emma? Why has it attacked so many young children that we have known over the past 5 or so years? Why?

As it's been said many times, there are some things we will never have answers to this side of heaven. This is one of those things. I do know this...

Emma has a story to share. She's already sharing it. I can't tell you how many people I have talked to and mentioned her name only to be surprised to hear, "Oh, I've heard about her. What a brave little girl! Her faith speaks volumes to my heart!" These are strangers to Emma. Her story has a face. Her face has a story. There are miracles happening, both physical and spiritual. God knew that Emma and her family would be instruments of His un-dying love and faithfulness. He knew that a whole community of people would be there to hold them up when they needed it, loving them, caring for them, supporting them even with dozens upon dozens of bald heads!

I put my boys to bed tonight with extra hugs and kisses. Their sweet little heads are reminders of their even sweeter hearts. We will continue to lift up and support Emma and her family, Jon, Rebecca, Joseph and Ben. Please remember to pray with us for them. I have learned that even complete strangers can have HUGE impact on people's hearts.

Pierced

2011-04-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. ~ Isaiah 53:1~5

He was pierced for me. Not a pretty, glamorous piercing either. It was an ugly, raw and horrid piercing. A piercing that pierces my heart to it's inner most being. It stings as I remember the scenes from a movie that so accurately put a picture to the words that I have been hearing about and reading since I was not even old enough to really understand the significance completely. The blood, the spit, the cries of both laughter and tears... The images will stay with me forever, and for that I am glad.

I understand what He did for me. I am overcome with emotion over what He did for me. Jesus Christ saved me... He wants to save ALL! He continues to carry the cross... In order to save.

There is such ugliness all around, isn't there? The spit, the blood, the cries of both laughter and tears. Jesus sees all of this still. He wants to turn this ugliness into beauty. He wants hearts. The love that He offers is so different from any other love. His love is so great... so sacrificial. What he did for me... for us... no other would even fathom, and yet, I know He would do it all again.

I am humbled again, Jesus. My eyes are wide open and my heart feels the sting of your piercing. I am joyful over the victory that you are alive still and that I will see you with my own eyes someday.

The Things They Say!

2011-04-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

Once in awhile I like to record some of the conversations I hear around here. Tonight is a perfect time to do just that...

Just three days from Good Friday, Caleb announces tonight that for Lent he is giving up his favorite spot in front of the television! Now, to some this may not be a big deal, but to Caleb.... BIG DEAL! He fights with his brothers over that spot almost daily. I'm sure that it is no accident that he didn't make this announcement a lot earlier... Like back when Lent began.

We saw 'Soul Surfer' this afternoon... GREAT movie!! As we were having dinner, J asked what everyone's favorite parts were. After Caleb and Colby both shared their favorite parts, Luke just simply stated, "AnnaSophia Robb". SHE was Luke's favorite part. Ummm, yeah... He's almost 14 folks!! His hormones have officially arrived.

Life is so fun with all of these men. The giggle in my gut is pretty much non~stop!

Still Here

2011-04-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

I'm still here. My internet is not... But I am.

Today I sit inside a cozy Starbucks sipping coffee, checking e~mail, jotting down bits and pieces. The boys are doing their STAR testing today. This moment is the FIRST moment I have had in about three weeks to just sit, relax and reflect.... Mmmmm... It feels heavenly!

So much to be thankful for. My heart overflows. God has provided in ways that I never expected. My family has been blessed beyond measure! I have recorded these in my '1000 Gifts' journal, but there are so many that are so worthy of being shared! I share not because I want to gloat, I share because God is good.

1. Numerous friends and family members helped with the big move day! There were lots of muscles and able bodies and the job was completed without major disaster and in a very timely manner.

2. My mom came and put my ENTIRE kitchen together! We had baseball games to be at the day after move day, and a house up the hill that needed cleaning. It's impossible to be in more than one place at a time, and mom knew how much it would mean to me to have just that one place in my new home put away. Thank you, Mom.

3. Dinner was brought to us the night that we moved in by my Step~Mom. She brought two lasagnas, green veggies, a gallon of milk and a big chocolate birthday cake for J. She didn't even know that I had prayed specifically that I would somehow figure out a way to sneak out and buy a birthday cake for J since I wouldn't be able to bake one this year. What a gift! Thank you, Roberta!

4. My sweet BFF, Gina made yummy scones for breakfast the morning that I had to be back up the hill for school for the boys and more clean up at the old house. She not only made me breakfast, but she sent me out the door with a delicious salad for lunch! I felt more than loved... Gi... You are the BESTEST!! :0)

5. We found out that Colby got on a baseball team close to our new home. It didn't look good for him this year. The team that he was "supposed" to be on fell apart at the last minute. He was a VERY disappointed boy!! God showed him His goodness though. He ended up on a team full of sweet young boys and FOUR awesome coaches. We know that at least one of them is a Godly example of man, husband and father too. He happens to be the husband of Caleb's fourth grade teacher (next year). It turns out that THIS team is the team that Colby was "supposed" to be a part of this year.

6. At our first youth meeting at our new house yesterday, there were many new faces. J and I have been praying for a LONG time that this new house would just be one that would bless others. We will continue to make this our prayer. Seeing these new faces yesterday (faces that we've been praying specifically for) was even more confirmation.

These are just a few. I think I added another 200 to my journal during the past couple or weeks! I wake up each morning full of excitement over the gifts that will be witnessed for the day. Some of the best ones are ones that I witness others receiving.

The gift hunt continues...

My eyes on His

2011-03-28T11:03:00.000-07:00

~ I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye. ~ Psalm 32:8

There are a million other things that I could/should be doing right now, but I feel like I need to record what's been on my heart these past few days. This is a place for me to journal our lives, so I must stop for a few to place into words where things are at these final days of our "Big woods days".

My body couldn't have chosen a worse time to come down with the WORST sickness EVER in my adult life. I am now on my second course of antibiotics. The weather has been completely AWFUL!! Pouring rain has turned to huge snowflakes at the drop of a hat almost on an every other day basis the past couple of weeks. Our ability to take loads to the new house hasn't been an ability at all because of this crazy weather! The power has gone out COUNTLESS times, leaving me to sort and pack in the dark. All in all, I feel like there has been a force working against me.... BUT... a Force bigger than that has kept my eyes looking upward. Sure, at times I have fallen to my knees (or crawled under my covers) and had a good cry. Usually, it was because I was feeling sorry for myself being stuck doing all of this while feeling so physically BADLY. Sometimes I would shed a few tears because I miss my mom and wish that she were here to help with this mess (she's in Florida). It's our mess though... not hers. I have been able to gain perspective too... That this mess IS a beautiful mess. It's a mess that God orchestrated and He continues to do so. He has turned my chin up when the temptation has been to hang my head very low. He gifted me the other day with this scripture, and then with this song ( not a coincidence that it was on the same day ). He directed my eyes on His eyes and the clarity is AMAZING!!

We have four more days up here, and again, it's no coincidence that the weather forecast for the week is SUN, SUN, and more SUN!! It will be a beautiful week. My Jesus is so good to me. As this songs says, He wants me to "Come Away" with Him.... I am His Beloved.

I will rest in You, Jesus... With my eyes fixed on Yours.

I Am Gifted!

2011-03-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

I remember being in junior high school and hearing about the G.A.T.E. program. It stood for "gifted and talented". It used to bother me, and not for reasons that you might suspicion. I wasn't envious of those who were in the program. It's true, I wasn't in the program. I was never asked to be... BUT... I wouldn't have accepted an invitation either.

The reason it bothered me was because even at the age of 12 I knew that EVERYONE has gifts and EVERYONE has talents. Having this "club" of sorts implied that any one not in the program wasn't gifted or talented. Or maybe they were, but not as much as the ones in the program.

As I've been reading, journaling and talking about this book 'One Thousand Gifts', the word "gift" has been ever present in my brain. I haven't just been thinking on what things gift me, but what are the ways I can gift others? What things can I do to make my husband, my children, my parents, my siblings, my friends feel like THEY have received a gift?

This week I have been sick with the flu. It is the worst flu that I have experienced in years! I'm sure there is a medical name for it, but I'm calling it the "One two PUNCH" bug! It comes, it acts like it's gone, then it attacks you again... HARD! I have been completely helpless. My children and even my husband have had this same bug, but I haven't been able to take care of them because I have been too sick with fever myself. We have all been doing our best to just take care of ourselves. In the midst of that though... There have been some who have done a beautiful job of gifting. These people may or may not have been in the program in junior high school. Regardless... They are gifted.

~ A friend offered to drive me to the doctor.

~ A friend brought a big pot of chicken soup over for dinner. This was so much bigger than she even knew because as I have been lying in bed, I have prayed over and over that I would just feel well enough to make some chicken soup for my family.

~ A friend sent an amazing note of encouragement. This friend is more a sister. She knows my heart, and she knew what my heart needed to hear.

~ My sister offered to drive almost an hour up here just to bring us more kleenex so that our noses wouldn't get too chapped from having to use tissue paper since we ran out of kleenex.

~ My hubby managed to keep the kitchen under control even though he was sick too. He recovered from his fever before me and he knew that keeping the kitchen up was important to me.

~ A friend offered to make a grocery trip for us.

We are all gifted. The question is, do we all take the time to use our gifts? There were many people in my life this week that showed me and taught me a lot about how to use the gifts that God has given me. They were the face, hands and feet of Jesus, and isn't that the point in using our gifts? It feels good to gift others and to receive gifts, but ultimately...

Gifting others should always resemble Jesus... not ourselves.

A Moment

2011-03-10T10:51:00.000-08:00

It is Thursday.

Driving boys here and there. I have driven the long and winding roads up and down this hill more than a half dozen times this week already. Laughter and silence have both filled my car while doing so. Talks about what's on the horizon. Talks about what now lies behind us.

Stirring the pot that sits on the burner. I have gone through the motions of preparing three meals a day for this army of men that I hold close to my heart. This troop that never stops eating! I do it with a happy heart most of the time because they are never anything but grateful for the food that fills their stomachs. All it takes is a smile on their face to please this mama cook.

Holding the youngest that still lets me. Snuggling with the two that feel they are too big to be held. Comforting their tired and worn out bodies as they have struggled to overcome yet another winter flu bug. Applying the Vicks rub to their chests, placing my hand upon their hot foreheads to check if they have cooled down yet. Praying over them as they lay their heads down to try to sleep... again.

Sorting, washing, drying and folding the multitudes of laundry. Noticing the smell of dirt as I pull them from the basket... And then the smell of clean as I pull them from the dryer. Seeing with my own eyes how they have grown so fast. The tiny little socks that once used to get stuck in the lint trap have grown into a size bigger than mine. The shirts no longer have cute little bugs or trains decorating their fronts. Instead, there are favorite baseball teams and silk screen guitars.

Sitting at the dining room table with my big bright pink pen. Correcting their school papers. It's easy to see where they have come so far, and then areas where there is still so far to go. I mark the papers with words of encouragement instead of those that imply failure. Every child deserves that. We sit and figure out where they went wrong. What step was missed... Perhaps even just forgotten. We learn what needs to be learned again until they get it correct on their own. Victory!

I tape the boxes shut. Boxes that hold belongings of ours. Boxes that hold... Home. I label them and stack them. They are to be moved in just a few short weeks. Those weeks will fly, I know. So much to be done still. So much to be packed and cleaned. I keep the roll of tape going.

All in a week's time. Every moment lived out. Every breath inhaled... Then exhaled. Every blink of an eye. It is the life that I live. A life that I have recently learned how to slow down and savor... Even in the chaos that surrounds me. This life that is being recorded.

Every.

Grateful.

Moment.... Written upon the pages of a journal.

Written upon the pages of my heart.

Thanksgiving... EVERY day.

I Love Boys!

2011-03-03T13:55:00.000-08:00

If this were a bumper sticker... I'd have a few!

The boys came home from school today and watched a documentary film on this guy that illegally tight roped between the Twin Towers in New York City. Interesting film.

They turned the TV off, dressed themselves warmly, went outside and tied a rope between two trees and started the challenge of tight roping between the two tall pines.

Boys... They will try ANYTHING at least once! It doesn't matter how difficult it looks...

Life Lessons From Copper

2011-03-02T08:16:00.001-08:00

This morning I made pancakes for breakfast. Now, there are very few table foods we allow our dogs to have... Pancakes is one of them. Copper and Lucy can smell them the minute they hit the griddle! Copper obsesses with the thought of having one in his mouth the ENTIRE time I'm in the kitchen preparing them. His mouth drools, his eyes water... He can barely contain himself!

Luke decided to give him a little added gift this morning. After we were done eating our breakfast, he picked up Copper's pancake and smeared it with peanut butter. Copper did his usual "good boy" sit and stare down. I have to hand it to him... He does practice patience. Luke likes to make him wait a bit because we have been taught that it is good for a dog. It makes them appreciative and respectful of their owner.

Luke calmly put the pancake out under his tongue and told him "gennnnntle". He wanted to place the pancake peanut butter side down on his tongue so that he could get a real good taste. He allowed Copper to take the pancake.

I don't think the pancake even hit his tongue! I'm pretty sure that it went straight to the roof of his mouth, and then was pushed down his big throat BY his tongue without even so much as one single taste bud having the privilege of being inspired. WOW!

We all just laughed. He tilted his head at our laughter... Not sure about what was so funny.

Got me thinkin'.... That's what we often do. Instead of savoring the flavor, we consume in such a hurry. We have our eye on the prize. We wait patiently for the moment. We go through the torture of having the prize dangle in front of our very eyes. Then, in one little second it's here... It's gone... That's it. It's over.

Today I will savor this moment. For even the messy moments need to be savored. The prize is right in front of me. My mouth waters at the thought of claiming it. I want to taste it as it comes though.

I want to taste ALL of it.

He Is My vision

2011-02-27T22:08:00.000-08:00

"My tongue has had a razor edge and my eyes have rolled haughty and my neck has been stiff and graceless and I have lived the filth ugly, and idolater, a glutton, and a grace thief who hasn't had time for the thanks." ~ Taken from 1000 Gifts, Ann Voskamp

God gifted me with so much more than just a clean space to look at in my house. He filled me with new vision today. He reminded me as only He can, that He is the vision upon which my eyes should look at. He has set a new path before me. He has given me another day, another chance to be grateful FOR EVERYTHING... Another opportunity for me to extend grace to others... And yes, even to myself.

Oh Lord... Be my vision... My hope. Take this grace thief from me and replace it with someone that lovingly, willingly, over abundantly extends grace. Forgive my eyes for their wandering ways. I want these eyes to be focused on you.. focused on the purpose You have set before me. Let my tongue speak words of kindness and genuine love. Let it not be sharp... Even when the distractions around me are overwhelming. I want to teach peace, not destruction.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for gifting me with so much more than I even asked for. Thank you for gifting me with what I REALLY needed. You are always good like that.

~ Amen

Another Letter To God

2011-02-26T16:03:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

Please bless me with JUST ONE clean area of my house. The clutter is driving me to a nut house!!

Thank you...

~ Me

Friends,

Please pray for me and my very short fuse as we pack this house. I don't do well in these situations. Where there is no order, my brain feels disabled...Thus making me feel utterly hopeless. {Sigh}

Time and Time Again

2011-02-19T07:25:00.000-08:00

Time.

That is a word that has been on my brain a lot lately.

How do I slow down time?

When will time stop a little?

When will it be time?

How may times will this be?

I woke up early this morning. I did not sleep in the comforts of my own bed because J wasn't feeling well. I gifted him with a bed to himself to hopefully get some rest in while I gifted myself with hopefully not catching whatever bug he may have.

I woke up early to a glow of white coming in through my windows. I put my feet on the floor and slowly made my way to the window. It was still dark outside, but the glow of white was astounding! It was so white that my dark house was made bright.

The snow came again... More snow.

Just a week ago we were enjoying a near 65 degree day with a picnic lunch in the higher hills. Today, a blanket of snow covers the earth and time has stopped... If only for a while.

Almost every year that we have lived up here we have experienced this kind of snow fall. Snow that comes so surprisingly after the warmth of January. It almost always catches me off guard. I am prepared for it. There is food in the house, wood stacked for warm fires in the stove, snow clothing for the boys to wear. My spirit though? Not always prepared.

This morning I woke up early. However, I know it was more than just waking up early. It was a call for me to WAKE UP and memorize THIS day. It was a call for me to be IN this day.... For we don't know if there will be any more like it. This could be it. The white that covers the ground and the excitement in my children's eyes over the white they see out their own window might be coming to a season end.

I brew the coffee. The scent fills this house.

I squeeze my youngest as his squinty eyed self joins me on the couch. He notices the glare of white too.

I gaze out the window again. More snow is falling from the sky. Big, giant flakes.

I am awake now. My spirit is ready. Time is here. Time is now.

His Love & Delight

2011-02-14T15:09:00.001-08:00

~ The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. ~ Zephaniah 3:17

This morning I woke up and the first word that came to my mind was 'delight'. I knew there was purpose in this, so I opened my bible's concordance and thumbed through the scripture references having to do with 'delight'. I found this scripture, and immediately... my spirit was renewed. I took a deep breath, I thanked God for the gift of His word, and I began my day. Little did I know what was in store for me ON THIS DAY.

Last night after church I spoke with my pastor about how J and I have recently learned about being bold... PRAYING boldly. We have always been the ones to pray for general things... not always specific things. We pray for God's will to be done. This weekend though, we felt like there was a house that is supposed to be ours. It's a house that has had a 'for sale' sign in the front of it for several months. J called the owner and told them that if they were ever interested in renting instead of selling... call us. We left that conversation and started praying that if it indeed WAS God's will (like we were feeling it was), that He would open doors. That he would change hearts that needed changing. That He would change minds. Our pastor grabbed some friends of ours after our conversation and they came around J and I and prayed this specific prayer. A little more than twelve hours later, we unexpectedly received a call from the owner. They want us to rent from them. Friends... WE HAVE A HOUSE!!!

God is so big. He is so all knowing. He is so sweet. He knew that this day, I would wake up feeling His love... That I would feel His delight in me. He knew that He would go a step further and SHOW me in BIG ways how He delights in me. The picture is so much bigger too. My husband's faith is ON FIRE right now. It's not about the fact that we got what we wanted either. It's about feeling God IN this. It's about being still and listening... and then being obedient and brave. It's about witnessing first hand the STRENGTH and POWER of a God that only wants to save us from our own brokenness.

Originally, I had thought of another song that I would want to post along with this post. I actually told my sweet friend about that a couple of months ago. However, I heard this one today and I knew it was the one.

To God ALONE be the glory... It is He who goes before us and completes every work in us. My prayer continues to be that He uses us AND this home to bless others. That it will be a place that always feels this good... This RIGHT... As it does on THIS day.

A Day of Gifts

2011-02-12T18:17:00.000-08:00

Today was a rare day. We had nothing on our calendar. It was another abnormally gorgeous day, so we packed a picnic lunch and headed for the higher hills for some family time. There was lots of time for reflection on all that God has been teaching me lately. It can be a bit overwhelming actually. I have shared with many that this book 'One Thousand Gifts' has been the ONLY book (besides THE Book) that has literally changed my life.

It has changed the way I way view my days... good and bad.

It has changed my faith system.

It has changed the way I feel about how God views me.

The gifts in my life are being numbered in a journal. They are not only being noticed, they are being recorded. The journal sits on the dining room table on top of my bible every day. The boys see me making my notes in it constantly. The other night after dinner, Caleb asked me to read some to him. I opened the book and began to read aloud. It was so neat because suddenly the whole house became quiet and everyone began to listen. That's another rare thing.

As I read my gifts, I saw smiles popping up on all of their faces as they heard me reading things that included them. I thought to myself, "Of course... This is something that they really SHOULD read too. They need to see all the ways in which they gift their mom every day. J needs to know ALL the things about him that I love so much."

When I finished I wanted to cry. That very day was a day that I had become anxious about the house thing again. UGH... When will I not? The very last gift that I had recorded that day that I read aloud to my family was, "A husband that prays". That was a very BIG gift. Don't get me wrong, my husband prays. He has since we've been married. However, he hasn't always TOLD me when he has, and he hasn't always leaned on his faith the way that he is today. That was something that was big and bold in front of my face that day... In the middle of my anxiety. Needless to say, because I felt the gift in that, I was able to rest. My anxiety subsided and the tears came. Tears of gratitude.

Today I couldn't write in my journal fast enough. There were so many gifts to behold. So many ...

Ladybugs in February
Boys climbing up rocky hills
Picnics in the forest
Rivers rushing with fresh sparkling water
Green grasses
A faint smell of spring
Holding hands with my love in the truck
Long, meandering mountain roads
Watching Luke love on Copper
A freshly bathed dog at the end of the day

Those are just a few. Tonight we will sit down at a dinner table and reflect together about these things and just how blessed we are. The biggest blessing that comes to mind for me is...

Eyes to see what's been in front of me for so long.

My heart is FULL of gratitude tonight. ~

A Little Boy Humor

2011-02-07T06:30:00.000-08:00

After the Super Bowl last night, somehow the boys got into a discussion about becoming contestants on these reality/game shows. They seem to think it's an easy way to win a bunch of money fast. So... They came up with this idea to make enough money to just pay cash for our next house.

"Dad, you go on Wipeout. Us boys will go on Minute to Win It. Mom, you can be the Bachelorette".

WHAT????

As you may have figured out, we don't watch the Bachelorette show around here. If we did then they might know that the only thing I would win on that show is some nasty guy who thinks he's God's gift to this earth and who has probably slept with as many girls as M&M's in a king sized package!!!

Oh well, maybe I should take it as a compliment that my boys think that my "beauty" is my winning feature?

#53... Boys that make me laugh out loud

Living In The Moment

2011-02-03T14:07:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I invited those who read here on a journey with me. I began reading a book called 'A Thousand Gifts'.... and OH, what a journey I am on!!

Today Caleb said to me, "Mom, is it already Thursday? This week is going too fast. I wish the days would go slower." In the past, I would have had to agree with him. On this day though, it was different. I immediately thought about this book and how it has changed my days. I started to explain to Caleb that when we stop to reflect on and practice thanksgiving EVERY day, the days are much slower. They no longer fly by as we wait for the next dawn to break. The cool thing was, as I spoke to him about this, he knew that I was talking about this new book I have been reading. He has seen me making my list of "1000 gifts". He could recognize that there was transformation taking place in me. That, in itself is a gift.

#51... Recognizable change taking place in my heart and attitude

My days are full. They are full of gratitude. They are full of seeing God's fingerprints on my life. They are full of God's undeniable grace.

As I move throughout my days, I am making effort not to miss anything. I already feel that there is so much that I have missed, so I want to be more aware now.

# 2 Blue January skies
#39 Boys who take the time to say "I love you, Mom"
#49 Chimes singing in the breezes
#14 The scent of my hubby as he leans over to kiss me before leaving for work in the morning

I am truly living in the moment... Something I have prayed for and longed to accomplish for SO LONG! Stopping multiple times a day to record the things that I see, hear, smell and feel throughout my days has blessed me beyond description.

The other night I was reading out of the book, and this scripture gripped my heart...

He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble? ~ Job 2:10

Seldom do I stop to consider that even the bad things that happen in life are gifts. There are gifts to be had in EVERY situation that the Lord puts in front of me. It's always so easy to run to God with joy in my spirit when there is good, but the minute anything NOT good starts to creep in... My first inclination is to run. This week I have learned much about the gifts to be unwrapped when the "not so good" things happen. My running has stopped.

#43 Peace during unpleasant times

I'm so thankful for the daily reminders of God's love for me. I'm grateful for the ability to see what has been right in front of me for so long.

I am grateful to be learning how to live in the moment. I pray that this gift will trickle down to my husband, my children and all those around me.

** Above photo taken by Lucas... Isn't it great? **

My "Letter To God"

2011-01-23T17:39:00.000-08:00

Caleb and I are sitting here on the couch. He is sick with a fever and sore throat. He wanted to watch a movie that we have watched before called 'Letters To God'. If you haven't seen it, then I recommend it, but not without a box of kleenex. Watching the movie has prompted me to write my own letter to God. There is much to be said...

Dear God,

You fascinate me. I have been told since I was a little girl of all that You are capable of. I saw some of those things as a little girl. I prayed for a little sister, and just when I thought it would never be... You surprised us all. I saw it as a young adult when I experienced hurts and You were the one that healed me. Now I am 40 years old. I am learning even more now about the magnitude of YOU! Nothing that happens in this life of mine is a mistake. There are plenty of times when it feels that way, but that's not Your way.

Today I met the lovely family that wants to purchase this house that we have made home. They are remarkable people with hearts for you. What a relief to see their faces, but even more to see their hearts. In the revealing of their hearts though, God... I saw so much more. I continue to be amazed at the story that unfolds before me. This story... YOUR story.

Once again I see how big YOU are! I am reminded of what YOU are about. I am comforted by the knowledge that YOU go before me and set the path straight for me to follow. On a daily basis you offer your grace and forgiveness. You love me. You care for me.

Thank you, God. It sounds so small, I know. I can only tell you that every day my level of gratitude for the relationship that I have with you increases. It grows with every breath that I take. It opens up as far as the sky is wide each day that I receive this incredible love and care from YOU...

I love you. ~

Figuring Life Out - One Thousand Gifts

2011-01-21T11:23:00.000-08:00

** Don't forget to scroll to the bottom of the page to pause the music. If you're like me.... you will need a box of tissue too! **

An Invitation

2011-01-17T15:17:00.000-08:00

My dear friends and family,

With all my heart... I invite you to go on a journey with me. I have never tried this before, but I believe now is the time.

A little over a week ago, I purchased a new book on my Nook book. It is called '1000 Gifts' and it is authored by a woman named Ann Voskamp. I started this book and immediately knew that it wasn't going to be just another book. It is an experience!

Last night our pastor spoke out of the book of Luke chapter 16. He spoke with true honesty about managing our lives. We often struggle with our finances, our time, our possessions, and most importantly... how we manage living out the gospel in our daily lives.

I believe that this book, ' 1000 gifts ' IS a gift! I've just started it and already it is changing my relationship with Christ and how I live my days.

This morning I learned that an on-line book club sponsored by {In}Courage is starting a study on this book beginning the end of this month! I was SO excited!! Like I said, I've never joined in on an on-line book club, so I don't even know what that looks like... BUT... I'm excited to find out.

I whole heartedly encourage you to join me. I can almost guarantee you that it will change you... It will change how you manage your life and how you live out the gospel every day. It will give you renewed perspective. It will re-define the word 'JOY'.

It will gift you.

** For more information on "how"... click on the {In}Courage" link on my left side bar. Oh, and the ladies who are leading the study have made arrangements for anyone who cannot afford the book right now. The web-site has more information on that as well. :0)

Words

2011-01-12T07:13:00.000-08:00

I have said before that I am a word person.

What does that mean?

It means that words hold a special place in my life.

Words can sometimes hold the key that unlocks my heart.

There are days when expressing myself is almost impossible. I find that my attitude is totally out of control, and basically, I just need to keep my mouth shut. But then... something happens.

With one short word or phrase, my whole day is turned around. My outlook is different. My soul is refreshed and well.

Often times, the words come in the form of scripture. Yes... We hear it all the time, and I am proof that the Good Book REALLY IS a Good Book! Sometimes the words come from a bumper sticker { remember... "Don't Postpone Joy" } and then other times, they come from my own mouth and even I am surprised! Yesterday was one of those times....

I have been caught up in a bit of a pity party lately. It hasn't been anything huge, but it's been occupying even the smallest space in my heart, and making a significant difference in my attitude. You see, I'm having trouble figuring out how I will make a home out of a rental house. I know... it sounds horrible. I should be happy to have ANY roof over my head. I'm completely aware of how SELFISH and NEEDY this sounds. I keep praying that God will just extract these thoughts from my head! I think I received my answer as to why He hasn't yet though, just yesterday...

I was talking with my sweet friend about life's situations. They are going through some hard things right now as well. She was telling me that her husband didn't sleep even a wink the night before because he was up worrying and thinking. We were co-miserating over our circumstances, and then the words came from my mouth...

It's all just a puzzle that we're not in charge of putting together.

It seems pretty basic. Not anything profound for sure. BUT...,. these words were the ones that my friend needed to hear, and I needed to hear them more probably!

Puzzles are made up of hundreds { sometimes thousands } of pieces. Each piece is just as important as the piece next to it. There is not one piece that is any more important than any other, for without even one piece.... It would be incomplete.

Our lives are the same. Each day, each set of circumstances, each tear, each moment of laughter... They are all just as important as the next or last. God knows how to put it all together. He sees the beautiful portrait that we will be in the end. He knows every detail! He knows what this next house will look like, and He knows the ways in which it will become HOME to us. That is just ONE. TINY. PIECE.

Words make a difference in me. They are like drinking that tall glass of ice water on a hot summer day.

A New Year

2011-01-03T11:35:00.000-08:00

2010 proved to be amazing, full of lessons... interesting.

2011 is here now and I am full of excitement over what God has planned for us. It's all still a mystery, but as God continues to change my heart regarding change, I have found myself MORE excited about it and LESS anxious { cue the BIG heavy *sigh*}.

We celebrated the coming of a new year by playing in the snow! We busted out the box of gloves, coats, pants, wool socks, turtlenecks, etc. and headed out to the cold. What a fun day! By the end of it, I could no longer feel my toes, but I'm no worse for it and the boys think they have a pretty cool mom for braving the cold for as long as we did.

After defrosting for a bit, we opened up the bottle of Martinelli's and toasted the New Year while discussing some of our goals for the year. This year will be one of many changes... A move and our first high-schooler are at the top of the list. The boys had some great things to share about 2010 and some even greater things to say about 2011. They inspire me.

Praying that as you look forward to all that lies ahead in this new year that your heart will also swell with excitement over the plans that God has for you.

Happy 2011!!

** The picture of J and I appears that I have a look of PAIN. Well, if you look carefully, there is no pain involved, just a snowflake that attached itself to my upper eye lash just as the picture was taken. :0) Just sayin'...

Did They Know?

2010-12-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

Did she know she would be chosen to bear the King?

Did he know that he would be by Mary's side to witness?

Did the donkey know the journey he was on this night?

DId the angels know the songs that would fill the skies?

Did the livestock know that they would be the first to see Him?

Did the wise men know how much wiser they would become?

Did Bethlehem know why His birth was to take place there?

Did the stable and that little manger know that their faces would never look the same again?

Did the people of then, and do the people of today know the significance of the love that entered the world that night?

This love so awesome... so unlike any other... With a light that shines just as the star did that very night...Such a love that saves me every day.

I stand amazed.

First Snow... Last Winter

2010-11-30T13:32:00.001-08:00

I read a few of my own blog pages the other day... WOW, do I ever sound like a bucket full of laughs! HA! :0) It's been a weird month, friends. Between losing a family member unexpectedly, my sister's wedding, a holiday and a move on the horizon, my mind and heart have been so occupied.

We experienced our first snow of the season about a week and a half ago. It's been so cold since then that there is still snow on the ground. Not a huge amount, and of course now it really isn't snow, (it's ice) but it's still pretty to look at. I was driving home from errands today, and as I looked out at the pretty sights, I thought it was time to finally put into words here what all of this doom and gloom stuff here has been about.

We are putting our house up for sale this week. The reasons are many, and it's definitely a BIG picture, not a small one, but it is the step we are taking. It's been a very hard decision. It's been a decision that has been prayed over countless times. With that prayer has come confirmation that we are taking the journey that He wants us to take. We are on the right path.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about all of this. Mainly, I feel like I will be leaving much behind. It's more than leaving precious friendships behind. I know that the ones that are dear to me, and I to them will remain that way. We are only moving about half an hour away. The sweet memories are what I will leave behind. Our boys have grown up here. Their little red wagon is still in the back yard (I already informed J that it WILL go with us... even though nobody rides in it anymore). Their tree fort is outside my kitchen window. The garden that we have re-planted every year sits patiently waiting for us to turn the soil once again in the spring. The cozy wood stove where I have snuggled countless times with the boys while reading to them can't go with us. Neither can the full wrap around deck from which I have watched them all learn how to ride a bike, run through sprinklers, and almost kill themselves on skate boards. I don't feel like I'm just leaving these memories behind... I feel like I'm leaving my three boys' young childhoods behind. I know, it's weird, but I'm a woman... I'm a mom. We are strange creatures.

With all of this being said, I also feel comforted about this change. Like I said before, I feel HUGE amounts of confirmation about the move. I know God has some great things in store for us next. The bounty will be different, but it will still be bounty. I have spoken here before about not putting off the joy that God wants to bless us with. In my heart, I know there is such joy coming. I already feel the joy. It is currently mixed with fear, but it is there even still.

I can actually say that I am excited. So those of you who don't know me very well don't know what a HUMONGOUS statement that is, but even 6 months ago I was still a person so paralyzed by any kind of change (or prospect of it) that something like this would have sent me into a coma!! God is growing me. He is working on those little (or big) areas of my life. That feels good.

I feel like I'm growing up all over again.

I have started praying for this next home of ours. I do not know exactly where it is. I do not know what it looks like. I do not know anything about it except this... It will be perfect.

It will be perfect because it will be right where God wants us to be. There will be purpose there. It will be a home that will bless us, and it will bless others.

So Grateful

2010-11-24T08:40:00.001-08:00

I have a white antique platter on my mantel. Some might think that's a strange thing to have on a mantel, but the very cool thing about it is that I use it to display meaningful words. They might be words on my heart, they might be words of the season. At the present time, the platter has black beautiful letters that read:

So grateful.

During this season, it's easy to think of all the things we are grateful for. The lists can get quite long. I talk to God every day and list for Him what I'm grateful for. I speak intimately with Him about these things. On my mantel though, all that needs to be said is simply, So grateful.

We went to the movies this weekend. We had our first snow of the season, and ALL the boys had colds. It was cozy inside, but then we lost power (typical). The wood stove kept us warm, but what do you do with four boys with colds when they can't go out and play in snow and there's no power for movies by the fire?

You go to the movies.

The older ones went to Harry Potter, and Caleb and I went to see Secratariat. I maintain that Caleb and I got the best show. It was an awesome movie!! The movie started with scripture. From Job 39:19-24...

Do you give the horse his strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane? Do you make him leap like a locust, striking with his proud snorting? He paws fiercely, rejoicing in his strength, and charges into the fray. He laughs at fear, afraid of nothing; he does not shy away from the sword. The quiver rattles against his side, along with the flashing spear and lance. In frenzied excitement he eats up the ground; he cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds. ~

This morning I am grateful that God has created me to be much like this animal. I crave to be like the horse. With everything that I am blessed with, I will laugh at fear of the unknown. I will stand in excitement over the possibilities that God has for my life,and the life of my family.

I will not stand still as the trumpet sounds. I will charge the gate, for there is much to be had... Much to be done.

Coming Up For Air

2010-11-18T08:55:00.000-08:00

For the past almost month, I have felt like I've been treading water. My legs have been kicking, my arms flailing, my mouth gasping. If you could see inside of my brain, it would look like a bunch of jumbled up thoughts, to do's... a WALL of emotions!! Almost nothing on my regular everyday list of things to do has been completed { with the exception of laundry, because we all have to have clean clothes to wear }.I go to bed at night thinking that the next day will be different. I will get up and tackle the day as I'm so used to doing. Then.... the wall floods me.

Today is different. Today I feel like the flood is starting to subside. I am up and I am dealing with the emotions in a healthy way and I'm determined to take baby steps toward "normalcy". I have a long list to tackle now, so I have to accept the fact that I'll be behind for awhile, but I will get to the end of that list... soon.

One thought that has kept me going is this:

Don't postpone JOY.

I saw these words on a bumper sticker when I came out of my uncle's memorial service. They resonate in my heart. I have written them on a framed chalk board that hangs in my dining room. These three words say a lot. They tell me to hang onto every moment. They tell me to stop putting off what God has called of me and my family. They say there's always reason to be happy, especially when it's the hardest thing to be. These words have become a part of me and I hope they always will be.

I believe that if I believe in these words, and I live my life as one who doesn't discount the joy that God graces my life with every day, then I will be a better person. I want to be a better person. I want to be the kind of person that shines light in this world. I want to stop treading and start swimming.... with a broad and even stroke.

Don't postpone JOY.

K-LOVE - Jason Castro "You Are" LIVE

2010-11-08T10:14:00.000-08:00

So much continues to be on my heart. I heard this song this morning on my way home from the grocery store. It was too good NOT to share! Jason Castro calls this song his first "Love Song" to Jesus...

May he write many more. ~

** Remember to go to the bottom of this page and pause the music that's already playing. **

Uncle Harold

2010-11-02T16:03:00.000-07:00

I have been absent from my blog for over a week now. In a lot of ways, I feel like I have been absent from life for the past week.

I received a real shocker of a phone call from my mom last Thursday. The phone call was one that came as a very REAL reminder about a few things. These things have been heavy on my heart, so I figured it was time to record what's going on in this brain of mine.

My Uncle Harold very suddenly passed away in his sleep last Thursday. This just five days after we spent our Saturday night as a family watching the Giants play on Television. It still doesn't seem real! He has left behind a wife who is experiencing HUGE heartache, as well as a daughter just a few years younger than I that has suddenly lost her daddy without even a chance to say good-bye.

I know God hears my heart as I have been begging him these last few days to PLEASE let me have the opportunity to say my final good-byes to both of my parents before He takes them. I know this because I have heard His voice speaking to me distinctly. He has reminded me that I should always live each day like it's my last. I should tell my loved ones EVERY DAY how much they mean to me and that I love them dearly. Our lives are not our own, and because of that... we do not know when we will take our final breath here on this earth. We do not know when we have heard the last words from one of our loved ones before they are taken from this place.

I was also reminded that sometimes... I just need to stay out of God's way. Just a few short weeks ago, J was out dropping off our van to be sold in a parking lot about 45 minutes from our house. He was waiting to get a ride back to his car so that he could get home to me { anxiously awaiting his arrival so we could go out on our date }. He couldn't get in touch with my step dad for a ride and he was stuck in this parking lot, so I begrudgingly told him I would travel down to get him. He told me to just wait... hang on... He knew something would work out. I sat { more like paced the house } and fumed inside! Ugh... I was supposed to be leaving the house RIGHT NOW for my long anticipated date!!! J called me about ten minutes later and told me that he had "run into" my Uncle Harold in the same parking lot. He was there dropping off his truck to sell. My aunt was supposed to stop by and pick him up on her way home from work. So... she would pick both of them up now and give J a ride to his car. Our date would be pushed back an hour or two, but better that than no date at all.

It wasn't until last Thursday night that I learned that even in situations like this one, God has purpose. As J and Uncle Harold waited in that parking lot, they talked about all kinds of "guy stuff". They talked about cars, about politics (my uncle LOVED to talk politics) and they talked about GOD! Yes... J didn't share this with me until learning about Uncle Harold's death last week, but somehow, in the craziness of that day, in this very crowded parking lot full of men and their cars, boats, RV's, and motorcycles... J and my uncle talked about God. The reason this is so cool, and so extremely significant is because all of my life, I haven't known my uncle to be a believer. His wife and daughter have always been, and they go to church every week. Uncle Harold would usually gift them with his presence on Easter Sunday and Christmas. In this conversation, Uncle Harold shared with J that he knew there was a God and he even considered himself to KNOW God, but he just didn't believe that he needed to be in a church to know Him. He saw how God had blessed him in the every day things around him and the things that he loved about life.

I am so proud of my hubby for acting on this nudging to talk about God in the parking lot. God already knew that just three weeks from that day, Uncle Harold would no longer be with us. J obviously didn't know this, but acted on a prompting that would later make so much sense. I only wish that I would have acted on my own prompting to be still when waiting for my "date". Sometimes... God is taking care of more important things.

Please keep my aunt and my cousin in prayer. They are experiencing such pain right now. I pray that they are left with the knowledge that my uncle loved them both so much. It's always been easy to see that both my aunt and my cousin hung his moon in the sky. I pray that there will be reminders for us all of how important it is to live each day like it is the last... That we not let anything stand in the way of sharing life, and sharing Jesus.... Even if it is on a Friday night in a crowded parking lot.

Introductions

2010-10-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

This precious baby girl is Isabella Grace. Her mommy and daddy recently asked J and I to become her Godparents. WOW... what an honor! When her mama asked, my eyes immediately filled with tears. They came so quickly that even I was surprised!! I think one of the reasons for the tears was that I was suddenly overcome with thoughts of a journey. The journey was one between Gina (Isabella's mama) and myself. The two of us are like sisters. There have been moments of unbeatable laughter, as well as moments of hurt and tears. We have been through individual trials in our lives.... and trials that tried to separate us. Thankfully, we serve a God who offers and encourages forgiveness. Our sister hearts have been made new and our friendship is so unique and sweet.

For me, being Isabella's Godparent means praying over her life for ALL her life. I will have the privilege of watching her grow, in body, mind and most importantly, in spirit. She was created for purpose, and I take praying for that purpose in her life very seriously. It's something I pray about for my three boys every day... now I get to pray these things for this sweet little girl too! Isabella, may you always shine the light of Jesus from that precious face of yours.

She is the newest member of "Us", Isabella Grace. I'm so honored and grateful to be introducing her to you...

~ You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. ~ Matthew 5:14-16

Enough is Enough!

2010-10-21T11:51:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a very good... very INSPIRING book.

It is called ' A Life of Being, Having, and Doing Enough ' and it is authored by Wayne Muller. Seriously, it is one of the best books I have ever read! Doesn't the title alone just intrigue you? I don't even remember how I found this book, but once I did... I was hooked.

This book is about knowing how to find "enough" in what we do, who we are and what we have. The reason it has touched me so much is because I have been recently hit hard with the fact that life goes by WAY. TOO. FAST. I know I mention this a lot, but seriously... it's something that weighs so heavy on me. It's something that stares me straight in the face every morning when my three men greet me with their good morning hugs. Over night they seem to grow at least an inch per night and they just change all the time! It's hard to imagine anything sweeter than the smell of a newborn babe, but I can actually say that the tight squeeze hugs that I get from my big boys brings that same sense of joy and contentment as when they were first placed on my chest.

Am I living each day the way I should? Am I focusing my thoughts and energies on the correct things for now? Am I expecting too much from myself... and others? Am I always looking to the future instead of living in the joy of today? I am SO guilty of that latter one... I get so excited about what is coming next in life that I miss what's happening right now. I have written about this before and it's something that I continually pray about. Finding this book has been such a gift because there are so many NEAT words for me to tuck away to remind myself. I'm a word person. I write down special little quotes that I hear, read and even think up myself in a journal. I keep it on my coffee table, and I open that book frequently. I have a framed chalkboard that I write some of these quotes on, and scriptures too... to remind us daily of heart issues. With that being said, you can just imagine how awe struck I was upon reading this little morsel from the book:

" Our journey is an adventure in listening for how we find sanctuary and see more clearly what is good, what is whole, what is beautiful and holy, and what is, in the end, this day, THIS moment, enough. " ~ Wayne Muller

Is that such an incredible thought? Did you notice the part about listening? I am learning that I am to be a better listener to what my sanctuary is. What do I believe to be good, whole, beautiful and enough? It doesn't say anything about what others think of me, or how they might perceive me if I say "no" to something. Others do not make my sanctuary... I do! Truth is, I haven't been very good at this. I am a people person. I love to be doing for others and be around others. I'm not saying that any of that will change, but MY sanctuary needs more balance in this area. Life will never slow down and I will never be able to enjoy THIS moment as long as I am living in a way that demands me to live my life in the fast lane.

I have also learned that I am guilty of always wanting to please others. I believe this to be the biggest reason why it's hard for me to say "no" to something or someone. I don't always say "yes" because I actually want to do what they are doing or be where they want me to be... but I just want to make them happy. So... I will be forty years old in a couple more months, and I'm dramatically making the change. It's so important, because my family HERE... this family that God has so gifted me with IS ENOUGH. The love and mercy that my Father shows me every day, in different ways, IS ENOUGH. The life that He has blessed us with, here, in this home in the woods, IS ENOUGH. Being the wife and mom that God has created me to be, IS ENOUGH.

I find myself lost in every page of this book. It really is incredible. These times are crazy. Life in the fast lane is INSANE, people. I would just like to offer you encouragement... If you find yourself feeling at all the same about any of this.... pray about it. Pray that God will show you something different { maybe it will be in the form of a good book }. Pray that something will take place in you that will make you feel passionate about being able to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH... and then live it out. That's where I'm at. I am very passionate about saying it, and now... well, I'm just doing my best to live it out everyday. By God's grace, I will find my sanctuary through this process and it will be whole. It will be beautiful and holy.

It will be joy in EVERY moment... with no moments skipped by. ~

Facing The Giants

2010-10-14T09:59:00.000-07:00

My mind has been a bit cluttered lately. Cluttered with lots of things. When that happens, blogging is the last thing on my mind. It's just too difficult to try to sort things out enough to be able to make any sense.

However, I remembered my main reason for keeping this record of life... It's to do just that... keep record. Even if it means keeping record of the clutter.

Caleb is home this morning. He has caught yet another cold... UGH! One of his favorite movies is 'Facing The Giants'. He has good taste... It's one of mine too. Needless to say, I haven't been able to stick to my usual list of things to do today. I keep getting sidetracked by what's coming out of the TV. This movie has some of the all time BEST one liners EVER! It's one of the only movies that has the ability to make me cry all the way through.

"If we win, we'll praise Him, but if we lose, we'll still praise Him."

How many times are we given that choice? How many times do we make the choice to praise Him and give Him glory in whatever circumstances we are given? I have to admit, I fail Him a lot in this area. Over the past couple of years, I can see personal growth in this area, but I still have a long way to go.

There are giants in my life that seem almost impossible to defeat. Somedays the giants even seem to appear bigger than on other days. My only job though, is to get out of bed in the morning and give God my best. He will take care of the rest. It doesn't matter if it's relational, financial, past hurt or present... God knows the outcome. When I remember this, the giants shrink. They don't seem so threatening anymore. Facing them head on becomes something I strive to do. In that process, I can praise Him... no matter what.

I think of the miners in Chile. What giants they had before them, but over and over again we hear that their spirits remained good while in there for 69 days. The boys couldn't take their eyes off of CNN yesterday. We were in and out of the house all day, but every time we would come in, they would go straight to the TV to check and see if they had all been rescued yet. At one point, one of the boys asked if they were christian men. I told them all I knew and that was that a lot of the people in Chile are devout catholic people. They believe in a God who loves them and wants to rescue them from this life. I believe that the giants that were before them were made smaller by the fact that there were a lot of people praying for them since the first day. They had to have known that their lives were completely and totally in the hands of God, and that He knew the outcome, even when they didn't. I want to believe that their faith was made stronger (as well as many others) in the pits of that very dark mine.

I'm not thankful to have a sick child at home, but since taking time out to watch this movie with Caleb, I can say that I'm thankful this morning for the reminder of praising God in whatever circumstances. The giants that were crowding my brain have already been made smaller.

18!

2010-09-30T09:25:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my best friend and I celebrated 18 years of being married. Wow... eighteen years makes us sound so OLD! Ugh...

We were gifted with a night out {shout out to Papa and Grammy Berta } without boys, and a morning to sleep in a bit. J and I went out to dinner, walked around some shops, went to Barnes & Noble { one of our favorite hang-outs } and then came home to a very quiet house.

It was lovely.

The next morning we picked the boys up and headed out for a geo-caching adventure! We hiked around, explored, and looked for our treasure. We went to lunch at this little hole in the wall deli { it was oh, so yummy } and then came home to be treated to a spaghetti dinner prepared by Caleb. Yes... our YOUNGEST made dinner for us... What a treat! He is taking a cooking class at school and LOVING it!

It really was a GREAT weekend of celebrating ALL that God has blessed us with. Originally, J and I were planning our weekend. We had thought that maybe we would be able to get away for a couple of nights and even escape to the ocean. As the weekend drew nearer though, we learned that WE wouldn't be planning our anniversary weekend after all... It would have to be a celebration designed by God. How foolish of me to be disappointed that we wouldn't be able to do what we viewed as a perfect plan. Doesn't He always prepare something even MORE delightful when we let Him?

On Saturday before we headed out for the soccer game before taking the boys to the game, I became very quiet. J came to me and asked if everything was okay. I told him that I was just processing. To be truthful, I was still a little caught up in "me" and feeling sorry for myself. I was still bummed that I didn't have bags packed to go to the ocean. I didn't share any of that with my hubby. I just told him I needed a little quiet time. After spending a little time praying, and asking God to give me a grateful heart and a mind that was focused on what this time of celebrating really was, I heard Him telling me something LOUD AND CLEAR...

This time was about celebrating our marriage, and every way that our marriage has been blessed. One of the biggest ways that our marriage has been blessed is the three little men that live with us. THEY are part of US. There will be plenty of time to celebrate with long weekends at the ocean. This year was intended to be celebrated WITH our three biggest blessings. I came out of my room and put my arms around all four of my men and proclaimed the fact that I was ecstatic about spending this year's anniversary perfectly... With some quality time out with my husband, and then with a day out with my family... doing something we all love.

God's design is ALWAYS perfect. It was a perfect weekend. Nothing could have made it any more perfect... Not even the ocean.

A Letter To Colby

2010-09-21T09:04:00.001-07:00

My sweet son,

It was eleven years ago today that I learned something big. I learned that the human heart has more capacity for love than one can even imagine. Like a lot of moms, I worried when I was pregnant. I worried about getting you here safely. I worried about how I would be mom to two. I worried too much. I remember looking at your big brother (who was then just two years old) and thinking, "I love this boy so much! My heart feels FULL of love for him, how can it get any fuller?" I have only two words to share about that... God knew.

God knew that as I carried you, my heart was beginning to expand. God knew that when they placed you on my chest for the first time, and I saw your precious face, my heart would suddenly have this gaping hole that I previously knew nothing about... filled by my love for you. God knew about you, and He knew that the love that you would bring into our lives would even be different than what we had already experienced with Luke.

From the beginning you had your own uniqueness. You were a quiet baby, loving to be snuggled, but also longing for your own alone time too. In other words, you loved your bed and sleep (you STILL do). You always viewed eating as an option, not a necessity. If I didn't intentionally wake you and feed you on a schedule, you probably would have starved! As you grew bigger and started to accomplish things such as walking and talking, we noticed that you were quite the book scholar. You were happiest when sitting by the bookshelf pulling books off and quietly turning through the pages. We had a few favorites that you would snuggle up on the couch with and let me or dad read to you. You LOVED your big "Bruh-ber". You wanted to do everything that he was doing. In fact, your determination made most of that possible. Even now... that is something that hasn't changed much.

As an eleven year old boy now, we are starting to understand more about your unique design. You are sweet and gentle... yet strong minded and firm. God made you that way with such purpose, Colby! He has incredible plans for you. As your parents, we pray for you everyday. We pray that your purpose will only become more clear to you as you become a man. We pray that your decisions will always be guided by your Maker. We pray that the love that you have shared in our home will be shared with the world.

Happy birthday Colby! I'm thankful that on this day eleven years ago I learned about the capacity of my heart. I'm thankful that on THIS day, my heart is the fullest it has ever been with the love that I have for my three beautiful boys.

I love you...

Mama

Slow To Speak

2010-09-20T09:33:00.000-07:00

~ Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. ~
Psalm 4:4

Oh, how I pray that someday I will BE this scripture! God hands me challenges to strengthen me in this area. He tries and tries to refine my quiet spirit. With each opportunity to practice being quiet, I get a little closer, but still I am so far away.

Today, I am in prayer about being slow to speak. Well, slow in speaking with others... quick in speaking to God. In Him I find peace and rest, and the "need" to speak with others (which isn't actually a NEED, is it?) diminishes. I opened my devotional a day too late last week. If I would have opened it on the day when I was in need of being reminded, this is what I would have read...

'Rest in Me. When tired nature rebels, it is her call for rest. Rest then until My life-power flows through you. Have no fear for the future. Be quiet, be still, and in that very stillness your strength will come and will be maintained. The world sees strength in action. In My kingdom it is known that strength lies in quiet. In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.

Rest in Me.'

I LOVE THIS DEVOTIONAL!!! It speaks such truth, and when I read the words upon each page, I can actually hear the spirit's voice whispering these words of truth and love. I open it almost every day, and on the days that I don't, WOW... do I wish I would have!!

God, teach me to be quiet. Instruct me on finding stillness in the moments, and reward me with your strength and confidence in knowing who You are and what You are capable of.

More of the Story...

2010-09-13T08:37:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Tahoe

2010-09-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

We've been back for nearly a month now, but I have had a pretty severe case of "writer's block" when thinking about what to write about our trip to Tahoe last month. The pictures tell everything, really. I think I'll let them do the storytelling this time...

The Dump Truck

2010-08-30T06:52:00.000-07:00

We were lingering our local Target store for nearly an hour before ending up in the rows of toys. We had looked at music, books, some clothing, and a few other miscellaneous things before resorting to the toys. You see, Caleb had received a gift card to Target from one of his little friends for his birthday. The gift card was burning a hole in his pocket. Unlike me, when my youngest gets a gift card, he wants to spend it. He does not want to wait until there's something that he's just DYING to have... He wants to spend it NOW!

So painstakingly, we shopped. It was just daddy, Caleb and myself hunting for the pot of gold hidden somewhere within the walls of Target. After cruising the Legos, the action figures, and the board games, we stumbled upon the aisle with the cars, mini skateboards and Tonka trucks. Knowing that Caleb LOVES to take things apart and build things, I saw this box of mini skateboards with all of their mini accessories, parts, decorative stickers, etc.. I thought, "Wow... THIS has got to be the perfect thing. Surely our search will be over now!" I turned around to show Caleb and I saw the sweetest thing. I stopped dead in my tracks. Every bit of my anxiety over being in this store searching for the impossible came to a screeching halt.

My nine year old boy was on his knees taking a big ol' Tonka dump truck off the shelves. He was tinkering with the truck, learning about it's bells and whistles. What he learned was that it didn't have many bells and whistles. It didn't have any batteries. It was a plain and simple truck that had a back end to fill up with boy "stuff" (be it dirt, rocks or whatever) and then dump. J and I both saw him and our hearts just melted. On the front of the box it had the big number 3 in red. This was the age recommendation. Caleb soon saw it and his words took our melted hearts and broke them.

"I think I'm too big for this, but it sure is cool, huh?"

We explained to him that it was a SUPER cool truck. We told him that he actually received 2 Tonka trucks for his 2nd birthday and that he used to play with them all the time. We reminded him that we still had the trucks in our storage area under the house. We had put them there for safe keeping when we noticed that he had stopped playing with them as much. His eyes got big as he remembered, and he paused.

"Dad, do you think I could get something else with my card, but we could go home and wash my trucks and take them outside to play with again tomorrow?"

I don't know who was more excited... Caleb or my hubby. Right there in the middle of Target's toy aisle we explained to Caleb that there are some things that you never get too old for. We told him of the importance of always doing what you love to do (as long as it's something positive, and not negative, of course). J and I shared a moment with our son that we will never forget. It was a teaching moment... for all of us. Caleb taught us the importance of being true to yourself, no matter what others think. He was worried that his big brothers would think that he was a baby for wanting to play with Tonka trucks again. We tried to ease his mind about that, and in the end, it worked.

Not only did he pridefully pull the trucks out the next day and plop himself (along with his daddy) right into a big pile of red dirt, but his brothers were drawn to be out there with him. They respectfully allowed him his own "Daddy time" for awhile, but they lurked and then joined in later. Yes... my 13 year old, almost 11 year old, 9 year old and 37 year old boys were outside playing with trucks in the dirt, and what a sight that was to see.

Our hearts are only as old as our minds let them be.

I will have to thank the little boy who gifted Caleb with the Target gift card. He not only gifted Caleb... He gifted the hearts of our entire family.

Birthday # 9!

2010-08-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my baby's birthday. Caleb will be 9 years old. Did you get the part about him being my BABY???? ~ SIGH ~

Tomorrow we are heading up to Tahoe for a week's stay on the lake. We will be celebrating Caleb's birthday BIG TIME! We are bringing the kayak, the raft, the fishing gear, books to read, games to play... etc., etc.. We are SO excited!! Today, my youngest son gifted me though. Today he gifted me with climbing up on my chest (well, he's so big now that actually, he covers a LOT more than just my chest) and falling asleep. I got to hold him in my arms on the couch and listen to him breathe just like I did the day he was born. Mmmmm... it was so very sweet, and it truly was his gift to me.

Caleb inspires me. He inspires me to be fearless about living life. He lives his life with such vigor and the smile that he carries on his face reaches the depths of every soul that he comes in contact with. I love this boy. When he tries something new, he always gives it his all, and usually... that is more than enough!

Caleb can make people laugh at the drop of a hat. He comes up with the funniest things to say. He can also warm you up with the biggest, strongest squeeze of a hug that you have EVER felt! Actually, right now his nickname around the house is "Baby Huey". He LOVES to go around picking people up. He has picked me up off the floor, as well as both of his big brothers. I have no doubt that he could probably even pick his dad up, but we won't allow him to. Hernias aren't a good thing.

This boy of ours is such a gift. He lifts me up in more ways than one.

My life is richer because of you, my sweet Caleb. Happy birthday...

Love,

Mama

A Vision of Summer

2010-08-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

So... Here we are in the first week of August and I feel like it is actually the first week of summer! We are officially done with baseball and swim team... for now. We get a short break and then fall ball and soccer start. When our third boy came along I used to get all kinds of comments about how busy we were going to be. Our lives would be full of sports, sports and more sports. I told everyone that we probably wouldn't CHOOSE that lifestyle. Well, years down the road... I wouldn't have it any other way.

Caleb finished his first swim team season strong. He took several first place ribbons at each meet, and then he took a 4th place in the back stroke for the district championships! He swam against A LOT of other swimmers to get this ribbon. We are so proud of him and all of his hard work in the pool. He earned himself a special award at the award ceremonies too. He can't wait to get back in the pool for swim team next season!

We have been busy playing too. The boys and I have taken a few short road trips during the past couple of weeks. We traveled to the city a couple of times for baseball games, days of thrift shop hunting (Ooooo.... one of our FAVORITES) and lunch with Dad. We have canned jam and pickles here at home. We are waiting on the tomatoes to ripen so that we can make some pizza sauce to can this summer too. We are also gearing up to pick blackberries next week so that we can prepare them for pies, ice cream, etc..

Every sumer we pick an old TV series to rent and watch from the beginning of the series. We have watched 'Gilligan's Island', 'Brady Bunch', 'The Waltons', and this summer our choice pick was 'Leave it to Beaver'. I'm fascinated with how much the boys LOVE these shows. Just goes to show you... children crave good stuff. They would rather watch shows like these over the weirdness on the Disney channel ANY DAY! Makes my heart sing.

During the next couple of weeks we will be busy gearing up for school. There are rooms to clean out, drawers to clean out, back packs to clean out and fill again, etc.. Yesterday my mother in law gifted each of the boys with a $50 gift card to Old Navy! WOW... gift cards to help out with school clothes... now THAT'S an awesome thing!!!

We also get to go enjoy our family vacation in a little over a week. We are so excited to get away and spend quality time with each other. It's always much needed, but this year... I'm especially feeling the pull.

Summer is a time for neat traditions. Playing sports has indeed become one of those traditions, but we always fit plenty of time in doing these other fun and meaningful things too.

I'm grateful for the ability to do it all. What does YOUR vision of summer look like?

My Billboard

2010-07-30T07:25:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write a post about the boys and all of our happenings lately. They are growing before my eyes. Summer time seems to do that. Like gardens... give them water and sunshine and watch them blossom.

This morning though, I need to write about something else, so I'll come back to boys soon....

For a long time, I have prayed that I would receive the gift of hearing God talking to me loud and clear. I have prayed for billboards before my eyes to make his words to me unmistakable. There are people in my life that have that gift, and it has always seemed incredible to me. They live their lives with such peace day in and day out. At least it has seemed that way to me... until yesterday.

Yesterday I got my billboard. Was I peaceful about it? No. Was I panicked? Yes. This morning I woke up with peace though. I woke up grateful that God listens to my heart cries and His timing is AMAZING! I have a task before me. I won't share here what that task specifically is, but it involves sharing Jesus with someone I love dearly. This person KNOWS Jesus, but has walked away many years ago. During these years, I have continued to share Jesus with this person... but I have not been bold about it. BOLD was the word on my billboard yesterday.... and now I am praying that God will give me the perfect words to share with this person, so that he can see that love brought me to this conversation with him. My love for him... but more importantly, God's love for him.

God is good. I trust Him. I know He will give me the words.... He gave me my billboard.

Refuge

2010-07-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

Know my divine power. Trust in Me. Dwell in my love. Laugh and trust. Laughter is a child's faith in God and good. Seek safety in My secret place. You cannot be touched or harmed there. That is sure. Really feel as if you were in a strong tower, strongly guarded, and against which nothing can prevail.

~ Taken from a little devotional called 'God Calling'. These short 1 minute devotionals speak VOLUMES to my soul!

Think of the biggest sky scraper you have EVER seen. Aren't they mighty... and even a bit beautiful? Their greatness makes them appear in-destructable. And yet... as history has told us, they are fragile even still. God is not though. He is mighty, beautiful AND His greatness is indescribable! HIS greatness is NOT fragile. It is strong! His love is the ultimate shelter over me. As the devotional says... under Him I am guarded and NOTHING can harm me.

I sit here in my quiet house this morning with the windows and doors open, cool air making it's way through and I am experiencing such peace. I have peace in knowing that God is my tower. He is my refuge and I am so grateful that I do not live my life without Him. Nothing breaks my heart more than knowing that there are people in my life that are experiencing such great pain, but they are doing it without Him. They are not choosing to seek refuge in the shelter of His tower.

This morning I am on my knees for these loved ones of mine.

Riding In Cars With Boys

2010-07-12T07:22:00.001-07:00

Lately, I've done a lot of that.... Riding in cars with boys.

Summer has been flying by, mostly because we have spent it in full speed. This week is our first opportunity to slow down and enjoy some lazy dog days.... Oh, and hear it will be plenty HOT this week too! So, I wanted to start the week off by jotting down a few thoughts about our "adventures" around here.

Lucas once again played on the All-Star team this year. They had several two hour practices each week and the tournament was last week and part of this last weekend. It was a double elimination tournament, so they played three games and that was The End. Lucas did some awesome ball playing! Every year we are amazed at his abilities and how much he progresses at his game. He genuinely LOVES the game, and it's not hard to see. He puts every ounce of passion into every play, and he ALWAYS has some great plays and "at bats". However, we learned this year that one or two people can't carry the game. Everyone needs to feel the same in order to play their best game and win. It was sad to hear him express his frustrations after the last game. Not about not winning, but about how a couple of the boys on his team have bad attitudes and how they bring down the team causing everyone else not to play to their potential. Luke gets it... we hope and pray that someday he is able to play with a group of boys who get it too.

Caleb has been quite the fish this summer. He gets up at the crack o' dawn to go to swim team practice in the morning (we don't ALWAYS make that one) and then he goes again in the afternoon. He has participated in two meets and taken first place in his age category in three of the four strokes. His name is now on our local records board. His smile couldn't be any bigger or brighter! He has really taken this challenge and ran with it (or shall I say swam with it). We had no idea what to expect out of swim team since we have never done it before, but we are quickly learning that it is a HUGE time commitment, but it is what Caleb LOVES.

Colby has been an excellent encouragement to his brothers. He knows his season is coming next (soccer) so for the most part, he is happy to be the fan in the stands for now. He took a bad spill on his bike a couple of weeks ago, and the Doc thought that he had fractured part of his leg, but thankfully.... legs in casts were NOT in our summer plan. His leg was pretty gimpy for a week or so, and it required daily wrapping and an extra dose of Mama love, but I'm pretty sure he'll be back on his bike today. He has come up with some business plans for their "lemonade stand business" that would knock the socks off of many men in the Big City. This boy is a true thinker. The three of them have made $35 in selling lemonade for six hours! In addition, they have received two yard jobs from people on our street totaling $60! They are some money making dudes alright!!!

In all of this, I have been driving them around. We drive from home to baseball fields (some an hour or more away), from baseball fields to swimming pools, from swimming pools to grocery stores for lemonade stand supplies and weed wacker string, from stores to doctor's offices and then... finally.... back home. In between all of that, we have fit in a trip to the river for fun, a camping trip with friends, and a few just for kicks pool days.

I sat in church last night and listened to our pastor talk about reaching people. I immediately knew that this message served as a reminder of my "mission". After church I told the boys that as a young girl, I always wanted to go on mission trips, but I never got to. I explained to them that ever since then, I have had this un-fulfilled desire within me to go out and share Jesus with others. As I sat in church last night, I remembered that my number one mission is being served while riding in cars with boys. I am serving Jesus by serving my family and showing them what Jesus looks like in our home, on the baseball field, in the baseball stands, at the swimming pool, in front of our own house while helping them serve others with lemonade, and the list goes on.

We were blessed with an amazing opportunity last week. To back up, we were planning on being a part of our church group serving water bottles to the crowds at a local 4th of July parade. At the last minute, we decided that we probably shouldn't attempt it with one boy limping around on a very sore leg. We were bummed that we couldn't be a part of serving in this way. HOWEVER, the very next day we were traveling down to the river to go get wet on an extremely hot day. We were on a very long dirt road when we came upon a group of four young people whose car had broken down. They were going to attempt to walk out of the canyon to a service station to call for help. We had the truck, so we invited them to get into the back and we would take them out. Before we picked them up, we had our air conditioner cranked on this almost 100 degree day, but we thought it wouldn't be very 'cool' of us to stick them in the back, roll up our windows and enjoy the air conditioning. So we suffered the dust and hot air right along with them while climbing the one lane, winding, bumpy dirt road up the canyon for the next half an hour to 45 minutes. At one point, the boys started to complain. We talked about the Good Samaritan and the fact that there must have been many people who just passed these young people to get to the water, but in order to be who God CALLED us to be, we found it a privilege to stop and help these people. After all, it would have taken them all day to get out of there, and they didn't even have any water. God blessed us with this opportunity to serve... it didn't necessarily take an "event" to be the face, hands and feet of Jesus.

It's in the every day.

God has reminded me... It's in Riding In Cars With Boys.

Miranda Lambert - The House That Built Me

2010-07-01T07:24:00.000-07:00

I found this video this morning and it brought early morning tears to my eyes. I can't tell you how many times J and I have wanted to move from this ol' house we live in. Every time we mention that though, our boys FREAK OUT! I have come to understand that it is home for us.... and for these sweet boys of ours... it is part of what "builds" them every day.

ENJOY!

Oh, and don't forget to dis-able the background music at the bottom of the page before viewing the video...

In The Middle

2010-06-29T15:14:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about my purpose in writing on these pages. It started out as being a way to communicate with friends and relatives that we don't see often. They get a taste of "us" on a semi-regular basis, and the pictures are always a bonus. Then... it became a way to "scrapbook" our lives. I have scrapbooks, but I seem to really stink at keeping up with them. In the midst of all of this, strangers have come to this site and left comments about being "inspired" by something that I wrote. One reader even said that he/she (it was an anonymous comment) had made some life changes based on their thoughts provoked by something I wrote.

Okay... so that is SO NOT what I EVER intended this site to be. BUT....

I won't lie and tell you that I wasn't at all excited about the fact that others enjoy reading what I write. Language arts was always my favorite, but especially the writing. I have kept journals since I was 14 years old. I have always been somewhat of a "deep thinker". Therefore.... During the past couple of weeks, I have stopped to think and pray (while taking MORE cough syrup) about the purpose in these pages.

I will continue to scrapbook. I will keep on journaling our lives so that all of the things that I might otherwise forget will get recorded. While doing this might seem to some like it should just include daily life and pictures, to me... since I am admittedly a deep thinker, it will also include much more. If this is an avenue that God chooses to make my life more missional, then I will consider that a gift and be grateful for the opportunity.

With that... brace yourselves for a long post.

I heard Casting Crowns 'Somewhere In The Middle' on my ipod last night. Like so many times before, I heard this song for the millionth time, but it's meaning just spoke differently to me. I found myself sitting there with this prayerful heart. I considered all that I've ever been, who I am now, and who I will become. I came home and looked back at posts from the beginning of these pages, and I see a person who has experienced HUGE growth. I have moved from the 'Whisper' to the 'Roar'. However, I'm STILL in the middle. I realized after thinking on it for a while that I'm pretty sure that's where I'll always be. Is that a bad thing? Well, I don't think it is. I think it's just where God wants me. Being in the middle means that I am continually seeking Him... wanting more. I am desiring to achieve that deep water faith in the DEEP end instead of the shallow end. And when I achieve that someday, then I will be seeking Him still... wanting to achieve even more.

It's not a bad thing to make goals in life. I have always been encouraged to do so, and I now encourage my boys to do the same. I have learned though, that our goals might not be the same as God's goals for our lives. Something that we see as a small and almost insignificant goal can become a life changing opportunity... IF we don't miss it. It's easy to miss too. It's easy to overlook the obvious and say, "Well, maybe somebody ELSE can handle that, but most certainly NOT me".

After praying about what I was to write today, It became obvious. Today, what I want to share is that each time I step out in obedience of my Creator and go forward with something that I never would have considered for myself, I get closer to the Altar. I get closer to living out God's desires for my life instead of my own dreams for myself.

To me, this deep thinker that I am.... THAT'S a beautiful thing.

A Letter To Luke

2010-06-16T16:25:00.000-07:00

Dearest Son of MIne,

I can't even fathom that you are actually a TEENAGER now! I know I say this all the time, but WHERE does the time go?

Last night I hugged you good night and I held you tighter than I usually do. I told you that my boys' birthdays were a bittersweet thing for me. I explained that I LOVE to celebrate the day of your birth, but at the same time, I recognize that we are one year closer to the day that you will leave this nest. That's hard for a Mama. I know you don't completely get it now, because I remember my parents saying the same goofy things to me, and I thought they were a little cooky (sorry Mom & Dad). However, I can now say that someday you WILL get it. The day that you lay your eyes on each of your babies (LOTS... remember?) is when it first starts and I guess that yes... we DO get a little cooky with all of our little "mushy" statements and long stares at the breakfast table while you're just trying to enjoy your pancakes.

I never get tired of telling you how proud I am of you. You are an example for many to follow.... Including me. Your heart is so sweet. You gain the respect of others so easily. I have had the most awesome privilege this year of observing you interact with teachers and fellow class mates. I never worried about that too much, but at the same time, I had no idea how many hearts you would melt. Every student, teacher and parent had nothing but GREAT things to say about the person that you are. The thing that makes me so proud is this...

The person that you are is the person that God created you to be. You have never tried to change that. You have never wanted to be anything different. So many other young people your age are trying to do that continuously. They even take it into adult hood. They aren't happy people usually, and it shows. You see the gifts that you have and you just build upon them. People notice that and they admire it. There are many reasons that I could list of why I'm so proud to be your mom, but THIS is the reason that is at the top of my list.

I have enjoyed watching your guitar skills improve this year, and your love of music in general has definitely been sparked. The musician in me LOVES this and I am grateful that we have that in common. I have also loved watching you play baseball again this season. You set goals for yourself and you achieved them. Everyone says that you are fun to watch during the games because you are so serious about it. I tell them that this game is fun, but to you, it is a serious matter. I inform them that you've been strategizing this game since you were two years old holding that little Fisher Price chunky bat!

This year, as you face even more of life's ups and downs (yes, it seems to increase the older you get) I pray that you will continue to stand firm in who you are and your faith in The One who made you so perfectly. I will also pray that you will keep on being that light in a world that has so much darkness. I love you, Lucas. On this day thirteen years ago I couldn't take my eyes off of you. You were so beautiful. Today, I feel even more the same.

Love,

Mom

Someone Pushed The "Mute" Button!

2010-06-13T21:00:00.001-07:00

I have spent the last two days with no voice. It was slowly going starting on Friday. Saturday morning I woke up and had very little... THEN, we went to Luke's baseball game and he hit a GRAND SLAM....

VOILA! No voice left now....

I'm pretty sure I have laryngitis. I have never had it before, but I "researched" it on the internet, and it sure sounds like it. It's frustrating, not having a voice and being a wife and mom of three boys. I'm sure most of you can imagine. Oh, and I think the worst is having dogs with no voice. I have tried my best just to avoid the dogs these past few days. They DON'T listen for my sweet little whisper the same way my boys do. They take FULL advantage instead.

Anyhow, going to church tonight was unique (without a voice to speak or sing), and I thought it would be a big bummer. Truthfully though, it turned out to be a blessing. I discovered that when you cannot talk, you listen better. I heard everything differently tonight. The songs we sang we have sung a hundred times before, but tonight... I listened to them differently than I ever have before. They were like lullabies. I closed my eyes and lifted my head. I just listened and I sung the words through my soul! It was awesome!! Our message was awesome too. I think I even heard the message differently than I would have with a voice. I know that sounds crazy, but I know that I've heard before that when one sense is weakened, (not to say that your voice IS actually a sense, I guess) the others are heightened. It all makes such sense to me now. It was a huge blessing for me to hear things tonight... without a voice.

I'm praying that my voice will be back tomorrow. I don't think I want to attempt any days without a voice AND a husband. Tonight I ate soup from the "Get Well Mug" that the boys and I made last year at the pottery place. It has a really good record of success.... Well, the mug AND the many prayers that my boys are saying for their Mama. Yes... they DO miss my voice. It's been strangely quiet. I really didn't know the amount of noise I make around here I guess. :0)

Woodpeckers & Water Balloons

2010-06-09T10:15:00.000-07:00

Today, the boys are on a mission.

But before I inform you of their mission, I should warn you...

This post contains graphic scenes if you are an animal lover. We love animals too, thus the name zoointhehills... BUT we have limits. Limits such as pesky little birds making swiss cheese of our house!

Today, the boys are on a mission to send a message to all of the woodpeckers in our neighborhood. THIS HOUSE IS OFF LIMITS!!!! They are armed, birds. They have bee-bee guns and water balloons. They WILL harm you!

The Process

2010-06-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

I was inspired to write this morning... by my deck plants.

I have a hydrangea bush in a large container on my deck in front of a big floor to ceiling window. I also have a small lavender plant in a tin pot not too far from the hydrangea. You can see both plants from this large window.

This morning I was folding laundry on my couch and I was praising God for another gorgeous day of sunshine. It's finally here... the sun and the warmth. As I was gazing out the window, I saw these two plants and I immediately started wondering WHEN they would finally bloom! They have both had buds on them for awhile now, and in the past, they have already been in bloom by this time of year. I looked out the window again and tried to imagine them with their beautiful purple and blue flowers and the fragrance that enters my screen door. Then, I was hit hard with this thought...

When they bloom, the bees come. They torment us as we pass by going to and from our front door. Another thing... when they bloom, it will be beautiful, but then their blooms dry up and I have to wait another year for them to come back again. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Sometimes I find myself rushing the process. I get so excited about what's to come, that I fail to truly enjoy where I am already at. In every stage of life, there is beauty and then there are things that torment me, or make me long for more of what used to be... all at the same time. Even still, I catch myself wanting to move on to the next stage. Not because I dis-like where I'm at, or because I can't find the beauty in where I'm at now.... BUT because I look to the future with excitement and anticipation! What will life be like in 5 years? What will the boys look like? What will they be doing? Will J and I still love doing the same things we do now? I picture them in my head and I see such miracles. I see boys who love life and how perfect they are RIGHT NOW. I see a husband who puts his family first in everything he does and always makes sure we are more than taken care of. I wouldn't want him to be any different than he is at this very moment.

My hydrangea and lavender plants reminded me this morning not to rush the process. They are perfect just as they are right now. They are a daily reminder of all that is yet to come, but they remain beautiful even today, without their flowers and swarming bees. One of these mornings I will look out there and see purple or blue and I will smile then too. I will smile because of their pretty flowers, but I'll also smile because I will know that they won't last... but that's okay. It's part of the process.

End of Year CRAZINESS!

2010-05-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

My head is STILL spinning!!! The last two weeks of school have been fast, furious and FUN! We have gone on FOUR field trips, we have had a talent show, an end of the year musical and a family BBQ. All of this sandwiched between the usual two to three baseball games per week and Luke's first ever research project (complete with power point presentation). WOW... after typing this all out, I'm not sure how I've done it without the aid of a lot of caffeine ( I have recently gotten back on the wagon).

This has been our first experience with "end of the year craziness". Since our schooling started, our end of the year here at home has been pretty low key. I have to say though... all of this action has been fun and it has taken be back a little. I remember doing all of this stuff when I was a youngster. The boys even asked me to get them some plain white t-shirts and a sharpie pen for t-shirt signing on the last day of school. Remember that?? Gosh.... like it was yesterday!

Summer has pretty much officially started. We're still waiting for the official summer weather ( I actually had a fire going in my wood stove two of the days this week.... SO not normal for us), but I keep telling myself that this IS summer in the good ol' Northwest! Just last summer, we visited the Northwest and I kept pining for it. I kept telling J how much I missed it, and I would LOVE to go back. Well, if you live where I live, I guess you can blame me for all of this crummy weather! God has successfully reminded me that I COULD NOT deal with this kind of weather EVER again!! So... I get it. Can we please move on now???

I am so looking forward to spending the summer days with my boys. We'll be picking berries soon, going to the pool, heading to the river, hanging out with each other and friends. I'll have lots to share... pictures included.

On Being "Mom"...

2010-05-10T10:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Mother's Day. It was a beautiful day... in spite of the ugly clouds and rain. All four of my boys got up and made me breakfast (waffles with homemade chocolate whipped cream) and coffee. Oh, and my furry boy actually WOKE me up to say "Happy Mother's Day" with the sound of his bark. :0)

We had a slow, lazy morning. I received the sweetest cards and ceramic plates that they had decorated. I got lots of hugs, kisses and snuggles on the couch. Mmmmm... my favorite. Luke played "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" on his guitar and successfully made his Mama cry. Then, we talked about what we would do for the day. The boys had planned on taking their mom for a hike, but the dark clouds pretty much changed that plan. Instead, they took me to Borders and set me free to browse. They know that's one of my soft spots. I don't normally fall to buying funny "coffee table" books. However, I found THE FUNNIEST book EVER that had me laughing so hard that my stomach muscles were hurting right there in the middle of the book store! So, I bought it. We will have plenty of conversation over THAT book now positioned carefully on my coffee table. We had a late lunch and bought some gorgeous strawberries at a stand by the road and came home. A perfect day with my boys...

Mother's Day is my favorite. It has been my favorite holiday since May of 1998 (my first Mother's Day as a mommy). It's not necessarily because I get to live like a princess for a day (although, that IS so fun). It is because I get to celebrate being a mom. That's something I never take for granted. I remember being in high school about to graduate. My friends were all talking about what they were going to do with their lives. Some were going off to four year colleges, some were going to trade schools. A lot of them knew EXACTLY what they wanted to be. Some would be teachers, some would be doctors, one friend even aspired to be an opera singer. I went to a nearby junior college to further my education, but the one thing I wanted to "be" was a mommy.

I've written here before about my becoming a mommy. It proved to be a lot harder than what I ever thought it would be. It probably would have been easier for me to get a doctorate degree in something! It definitely had it's share of heartache too. BUT.... God made me a mommy. He fulfilled the desires of my heart. I get to celebrate being a mom EVERYDAY!

Now my oldest is almost thirteen. My youngest will be nine at the end of summer. I am entering another phase of mothering. It is all new, yet I still love it the same. I miss the days of strolling to the park with the boys piled into the Radio Flyer. I love the days of watching them play ball. I miss the days of preparing homemade baby foods in my kitchen. I love the days of having them cook with me. I miss the nights of rocking them while singing to them before bed time. I love the nights of listening to them lullaby ME with their sweet heart felt prayers said before the lights go out.

Even though they're growing and they need me less, being their mom is still what I want to "be". Being their mom is different now than what it used to be, and I know it will continue to change, but it's God's calling on my life. I couldn't be happier about that. Being a mom brings such joy and satisfaction. Oh, and I have to add... being the mom of boys brings a TON of laughter!

God made me a mom, and I love to celebrate that! I like to tell the boys that I wish everyday was Mother's Day, but truly... for me... it already is.

Weeds... or Pansies?

2010-05-05T14:01:00.000-07:00

Spring is finally here! Everything is beautiful and green.... the trees, the shrubs, the flowers popping their little heads from the earth... it all looks so new.

It is new.

It remembers not the hot, dry days of last summer. The fires that lit up the hill sides during the driest months isn't something that is taken into consideration when sprouting the beauty from within. This kind of beauty shows up every spring... regardless of the past.

Makes me a little envious of a simple plant. Sounds weird, huh? Let me try to explain what's on my mind...

As people, we aren't so good at forgetting the past and exuding beauty regardless of our mood or circumstances. We withhold the best part of us when we just plain ol' feel like it! We let the ugliest part of us prevail over our days more often than we should. We allow the weed inside of us to grow instead of gracing the world with the lovely blossom of Jesus' love.

It's easy to let this happen, isn't it? Life is busy. There's homework to be completed, laundry to be done, dinner to be made, activities to get to. There are job deadlines, grumpy people to have to work with, financial worries and stresses that just seem to never go away! However... isn't that what defines life? We, on the other hand, can choose how we define ourselves.

Will we be the weed of ugliness... or the flower of Christ's beauty?

Two things caused me to ponder these thoughts this week. The first was something very visual. We were at the nursery (as in horticulture) the other day purchasing our plants for our garden. As we were exiting, I looked down and saw the prettiest little pansies growing out of a crack in the pavement. There was no soil that I could see, and I'm not sure how the roots could be healthy at all, but obviously, they were. Talk about thriving in impossible circumstances???

Secondly, my boys have been praying all week for a friend of theirs who had surgery on his legs this week. This boy has never been able to walk un-assisted and he's never had the joy of running. The surgery is supposed to correct his legs almost completely, but not without a lot of pain (initially) and extreme amounts of physical therapy. As Luke was praying the other day, he said something that made the tears just flow from my eyes. He spoke of this boy's character and how he is virtually NEVER without a smile on his face! He has always been able to see the boys around him run and do all the things that he would LOVE to do himself, but we have NOT ONCE heard him complain. This boy is like that patch of pansies growing in the concrete. He knows of Jesus' love for him and he is confident in his purpose. Because of this... his beauty prevails through the smile on his face and the laughter in his voice.

I want to be the pansies growing out of miserable circumstances (not that my circumstances are necessarily always miserable). I want to have the kind of character that even a 12 year old boy stops to consider and admire.

I want to be new... Just as Christ's love is new every morning.

'

No Boundaries

2010-04-27T20:56:00.000-07:00

Something struck me hard this weekend.

Once again, it wasn't an idea that came brand new to me. However, it's an idea that for some crazy reason doesn't stay with me for long periods of time.

God has no boundaries. There is nothing too big or too small for him. Nothing outrageously difficult... or silly. His hand is upon things that we have forgotten about, or maybe even just given up on. He hasn't forgotten, and He most definitely DOES NOT give up on anything!

I find it absolutely amazing when God shows me proof of this. Not that I need proof of His existence, or what He is capable of. It's just... SO. GOOSEBUMPISHLY (I know, not a word) COOL! Can I just share with you some details?

There is this family that J and I have been praying for. They are a really neat family. They are good people. They don't know Jesus. It breaks my heart because I happen to be extremely attached to their sweet little two year old girl. She is the little one that I have watched three days a week since she was two months old. Their older son is Luke's age and he has been a big part of us for a long time too. Now that this little girl is old enough to talk and sing, we have taught her songs like 'Jesus Loves Me'. Hearing her sing about Jesus and hearing the boys tell her stories of Jesus and His love for her makes me want to cry. I want to cry because I wonder if she will grow up really knowing about God's love for her. I honestly don't even know what that would feel like. Anyhow, we had the most awesome opportunity to take both she and her brother to church with us last Sunday. We have asked their parents many times, but there has always been a reason why it wouldn't work. This time... they said "Yes". This past Sunday, a friend at church approached me and told me that she had biked with their dad that day. Coincidental? I don't think so. God is actively at work... even though I had almost given up. He never had, and all this time He has been there. I know He will continue to be, and in my heart I feel that sweet little Keirrah WILL know of her Savior's love for her. She will sing the words of 'Jesus Loves Me' and know what it means!

Another example? There is another family that we have known for many years. We have had more than our fair share of difficulties with our relationship. There have been some pretty rocky roads for us where forgiveness has been HUGE. I think we have all thought that we had forgiven each other, but we hadn't really lived it out until... this weekend. I realized how important it is not to just forgive someone, but to exemplify forgiveness in our actions and our words. This family that I speak of had dinner with us in our house this weekend, and it wasn't until they left that night that I realized how big it was that they were here... in our house. I talked with her later and told her (through many tears) how amazed I was at how God works in our lives. I told her how I stood in my living room for a good 15 minutes after they left almost in dis-belief. I am amazed at even concerning something that I thought I could just forget about, God had something so much bigger in mind. He had complete restoration in mind.

There are no boundaries for my God. He reminded me of that this weekend. He takes care of the details... even the ones that I'm tempted to give up on or forget about. I'm so overwhelmed with these thoughts.... so grateful.

The Worth of a Dandelion

2010-04-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

Today I am flooded with memories of dandelions. I know to a lot of people, they are considered just a weed. To me... they are beauty. They are beauty because of the worth that they hold in my heart. I dug through my bookshelves this morning and found my old handwritten journals. I have many. I have kept a journal all of my life. I went digging for them because I wanted to go back to an old entry that I had written about dandelions. I thought I'd share....

June 2nd, 2003 (The boys were 6,4 and 2)

One of the fondest memories I'll ever have of being a mommy is receiving hand picked dandelions from my boys. I'm not sure when or how it started, but with each new spring's crop of fresh dandelions, the first thing Lucas, Colby and now Caleb do when we go outside is run to pick the best one they can find. They bring it to me and watch me as I tuck it behind my ear. Almost always they smile and say something really sweet. I don't think my eyes will ever stay dry... no matter how long this goes on. Today Caleb was picking them and trying to put them in my hair for me. Of course, I ended up with an ear full of dandelions, but it was so incredibly sweet. Sometimes I wonder if they will ever just stop this beautiful act. Will they ever feel they are too old to pick flowers for mama's hair? I hope not. I hope they will always feel how very special it makes me feel. I hope they will always know how much I love being their mommy! I am so blessed to have these beautiful boys. They bring me such joy and contentment beyond measure. Thank you, Jesus for being so good to me and for honoring my deepest desires to be who I am today... a very proud mommy of three.

I wrote this in my journal almost 7 years ago. Our front yard was infested with dandelions then, and they continue to make their appearance every year starting right about now. Seven years ago, I had vases full of dandelions inside the house too. The ones that they would pick for my hair would be put in water when we came inside. Today, there are no vases of dandelions sitting on my kitchen window sill. I have the memories in my heart though... and they are very fresh today. It seems the boys have become older. They find "big guy" ways of expressing their love and adoration for me. Things like sharing baseball stats and laughing over bad plays. Things like showing me what kind of "original" contraptions they have made out of scrap wood and miscellaneous "things" lying about. Dandelions are just another weed in the grass to them now, but to me... they are precious memories. They are worth more than a thousand words. ~

Today is The Day!

2010-04-05T14:08:00.000-07:00

With a title like that... it almost makes ya' think that I have some HUGE announcement to make, right? It might not be what you think, but in my mind, it is huge. Read on if you're intrigued...

Today is the day that my house if full of children. Boys are home for spring break and little Keirrah is with us today. The house is cozy with the sounds of playfulness and creativity.

Today is the day my house is oozing with sugar! I don't know about you, but I could really do without seeing another jelly bean or peep for a LONG TIME.

Today is the day that my laundry room has a constant hummmmm flowing through it's doors.

Today is the day that I can take a moment to reflect upon all the emotions that this weekend brought....

Friday was J's birthday, and it was also Good Friday. We had a light dinner before heading off to church that night. Our church service was one of the BEST church services we have ever been to. The worship was incredible, the messages spoken were undeniably God's words being poured out from men who have dedicated their lives to doing so. We even had an artist who created this amazing painting on a large canvas during our service. It was very moving... very emotional. At the end of day, J was so blessed by it all being ON his birthday. What a gift!

Sunday morning we got up and enjoyed a family brunch together here at home. We read out of the book of Matthew and had some great discussions with our boys about what Jesus' resurrection means for them. I absolutely LOVE these talks that we have these days. I loved the veggietales days too, but these are the days that bring tears to my eyes. After breakfast, I assigned the boys to stuff some eggs for us to take to my grandparents. They sat at the table and stuffed while singing loudly to David Crowder Band. WOW... yet another love of mine. As I listened to them from the kitchen, I had to stop when 'How He Loves Me' came through the speakers. What a perfect "non-traditional" Easter song. My God loves ME so much that He sent His son to endure and overcome such a horrible death. It is sad to me that I can't ALWAYS remember the exact words that were shared this weekend regarding what Jesus TRULY endured for me. My husband put it into such great words. When we were talking about the details of the resurrection... the awful, painful details, J said that so often we romanticize what Christ did for us. In truth, there was NOTHING romantic about it! It was an awful, gruesome death. It was the worst kind of death.

I was reminded again of just what the song says... "Just how beautiful He is and how great His affection is for me".

Love doesn't get any greater!

Today is the day that I make a promise to myself to remember this daily. I want to share it daily.... with my children, with the people that I am surrounded by, even those that may be reading this that I can't put any face to. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves YOU...

His love indeed IS like a hurricane.

He Takes "Keep Your Eye On The Ball" SERIOUSLY!

2010-03-27T18:38:00.000-07:00

UPDATE:
Here are a couple of updated photos. As you can see, he has developed a sense of humor about it.
We had a game last night. Well, long story, but it wasn't truly OUR game (as in our normal team). Another team was down two players, so they called us Thursday night and asked if they could "borrow" Luke for their game. Anyhow, we had a game last night. Except...

We didn't play.

Lucas didn't play anyhow. During the pre-game warm ups, he took an in-field ball hop right in the eye. OUCH! So...

They had a game last night.

We had a FIVE HOUR emergency room visit instead. He's fine. No broken bones. Just a very sore and gruesome looking eye for a couple of weeks. With any luck, it will be healed up before team pictures on the 17th.

Boy Stuff

2010-03-24T13:06:00.000-07:00

I love to write what's on my heart, and it seems I do mostly that. It's been a long time since I wrote a post about the boys and what's going on in their lives though, so I think it's time.

Lucas continues to inspire me. He is growing up so fast and becoming an amazing young man who loves Jesus and desires to please Him. His passions are baseball and playing guitar. This past weekend he asked to talk to me after church. We went in his room and he proceeded to tell me that he felt like God has been telling him to use his talents in ways he hasn't before. He wants to play guitar with our worship team at church! Talk about bringing tears to a mother's eyes... He told me that he would like to talk to our music pastor himself about it. Wow... he's so grown up. How did that happen?

Colby is making us all proud too. He struggled a little bit with his grades during the first semester this year. It wasn't because his academics weren't there though. It was because he was enjoying the social life too much. After LOTS of talks and many weekends of being grounded, he finally came to us and said that he knew could do better, and that he would try harder. He has done a MARVELOUS job of improving! There's simply nothing sweeter than having your child come to you, admit his/her faults, praying about how to make the changes, and then seeing the change take place. He also came to us and told us that he wanted to read the bible front to back this year. He has been reading and I have so treasured the discussion times that we share about God's word.

Caleb can't wait to start swim team this summer! He opted out of baseball this year because in his words, he wanted to "save his energy for swim team". He continues to be a leader in his class, both academically and socially. He LOVES to help me with the little girl that I watch when he's home. He and Keirrah have the sweetest relationship. They pal around like best buddies and when Caleb isn't home, she misses him so much. It's been good for Caleb to experience being a big brother (part time, of course). Caleb still loves to snuggle with mom, which is good for a mommy's heart. It's hard as they all get older and become more independent! I've noticed where they need less of me, and more of their dad, but at the end of the day... Caleb is asking his mama to snuggle on the couch. Mmmmmm.... Love that!

I love these boys. They all inspire me and challenge me to be the best mom that I can be. To be the woman that God created me to be. They are miracles... each one of them. My heart smiles because of them. ~

Landing Planes

2010-03-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

Well friends.. Here I am. I lived to tell.

My trip was a whirlwind of non-stop action. From the moment I left the ground until the moment I walked in my door here at home, I was on the move. Actually, I'm still in that whirlwind of action here at home, but THAT action is what I'm used to!

Julie is now a married woman. She was a beautiful bride and the smile that was on her face was priceless! I'm so glad that I got to be there to see God's faithfulness at work. Rick is a great guy. Actually, he's perfect. I've been telling Julie for years that God had the "perfect" man chosen for her and it was her job to do the waiting until he came along. Julie, congratulations... You waited, and he came. The two of you were meant for each other!

That plane has landed.

I came through something that seemed so impossible for me and unbelievably scary. I'll be honest with ya'll... I had my first ever anxiety attack on Monday night last week (about 24 hours before I had to leave). I never knew what an anxiety attack felt like, but now I do... YUCK! After that, I felt a little less stressed about everything. It's almost like I just needed to be COMPLETELY honest with people around me about what was going on inside of me. J prayed with me and encouraged me to call my dad because he knows this kind of stuff (yes, I guess it's genetic). My dad assured me that he would know exactly what to pray and when to pray and that he would do exactly that. The night before I got on the plane I read some scripture. It came to me... I didn't go looking for it. God is good like that. It read...

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ~ Jeremiah 29:11,12

This was the perfect scripture for me to take on those planes! Each time I got myself on the plane I recited it in my head. As we were taking off, I recited it again. Every time there was any bit of turbulence, I spoke it to myself over and over again. It was a gift... it was from God. I leaned on God in ways that I haven't in a long time. It felt good. It felt like I was stretching out some old, tired muscles that hadn't been used in a while. I put my trust in the One and Only, as I knew He was telling me that He had plans for my future, and it didn't include going down in an airplane!

Yet another plane had landed.

My boys all had a great time with their dad. They ate well and played hard. They got their school work done and they even had time and energy to do a couple of yard projects to surprise mom with. They missed me, but they all discovered (even my hubby) that they were self-sufficient men who could survive without me for a few days. Although... J informed me that he also discovered that he was not made to be a single man. " Life is much easier and a whole lot more fun when you're living it with someone that you love." Those were very sweet words to hear from him. Nobody has to guess anymore about what I do everyday as a wife and mom.

That plane has landed.

It was a good trip. A trip that we all learned from. Probably even the poor unfortunate souls that were sitting next to me in the planes. I was blessed beyond measure to be a part of Julie's day, and today... Well...

I feel like I've just climbed Mount Everest!

New Things

2010-03-08T15:38:00.000-08:00

Life changes all the time. What seems the impossible at one time becomes reality in a New York minute. A few years ago (maybe even just a year ago...okay, maybe it was just a week ago) I never would have pictured myself going even a short distance away from my family for five nights. In less than 48 hours though... I'm boarding a plane and flying half way across the U.S. for FIVE NIGHTS. EEEEEEEKKKKK!!!!!

So, I'm asking for prayer. I'm asking that people pray for me and my anxious heart. I know my boys will all be fine. They will actually DIG all the guy time. They will probably overdose on junk food and not get NEARLY enough sleep as what they need, but they will be fine. I, on the other hand, will be missing them ALL.

Every.

Minute.

I'm excited about seeing my girl friend get married. I have prayed for her and "Mr. Right" for many years, so it will be absolutely AMAZING to get to meet this person that I've prayed for. I will see his face, and become familiar with who he is. I will witness a different kind of happiness in my friend. I will get to see the moment that her life changes... forever. I AM happy about that. I'm blessed to have the means to go be a part of this. I get that.

I'm self admittedly NOT good about new things like this though. I've made that clear on numerous occasions. Just like every other time that I've mentioned it though... I know that this is an area that God finds different ways to challenge me. This is pretty big, so I think I'll get it after this.... hint, hint.... no more challenges like this for awhile... PLEASE!

Thanks for your thoughtful prayers, friends.

Love Wins

2010-03-01T09:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday as we were driving down the freeway, I saw a bumper sticker that read 'Love Wins'. I know that I've seen this sticker before, and I'm sure that there is some significance behind it (besides the obvious truth), but I couldn't help but stop to really think about it yesterday.

Love Wins.

J and I were blessed with a date out this weekend. It started out as just dinner and a movie, then the friend who offered to watch the boys asked if they could stay the night. Ummm... yes. THEN... she called the next morning and asked if she could take them all on a long walk which would mean they wouldn't be ready to pick up until almost NOON. Ummmm.... once again... YES!

We enjoyed dinner out, he agreed to a "chick flick" at the movies (thanks, babe), we came home, stayed up late, got up late, enjoyed a nice breakfast together and went on a long walk together. It was beautiful... Beautiful, un-interupted, re-discovering much needed time together.

J and I have been married for 17 years. We've known each other for almost 21 years. I realized something this weekend though...

Just as taste buds change every seven years, so do people and their likes/dis-likes, hobbies, passions, etc.. My husband and I have seen many changes take place in us and around us since our life together began. However, we don't stop often enough to TALK about those changes. Especially the changes inside of US. We did that this weekend, and it felt SOOOOO good. I felt like I was getting to know him all over again and he was seeing things inside of me that made him feel just as excited.

My hubby is my best friend. He is an incredible person that I am absolutely blessed to call "mine". I fell in love with him many years ago, and as I see things happening in his heart and life on an on-going basis, I fall in love with him all over again.

I'm not oblivious though. I know that many are NOT so blessed to feel the same way about their spouses. That makes me sad. I know that in many people's lives, love is NOT the warrior that wins. I say warrior because at times, that's just what it takes. The world TRIES to win. I believe statistics say that in most cases, unfortunately, the world does win. BUT... if more people took the time to hear their spouses, to really know them and love them where they are at, love would win more.

Isn't that something we can all pray for?

I'm grateful for my Knight In Shining Armor.... My best friend... my love that fights the fight so that in us... Love wins.

The Promise

2010-02-25T09:57:00.000-08:00

Re * deem:

1. to free from what distresses or harms. 2. to extricate from or help to overcome something detrimental. 3. to change for the better.
~ Webster's Dictionary

This is an extra special word near and dear to me. I have faced redemption in the face. Many times. Isn't it true that we stare it in the face throughout our lives? There are many loved ones in my personal life that are staring at redemption right now, but the chains are choking them. I pray for these people constantly and I know that someday, in God's perfect timing, they will allow themselves to be redeemed... set free of the pain that harms them every day.

I experienced pain in a way that I never expected about 16 years ago. J and I lost our first born son to premature birth. About a year later, we lost our second born son to premature birth. I fell into a depression that I never thought I'd find my way out of. The world looked different to me than it had. Life almost seemed impossible to live. I couldn't understand why this desire that was so strong in my heart was being crushed. The only thing I had ever wanted to be was a mother, and I felt like God had "stolen" that away from me.

We let ourselves heal for about a year before trying to become parents again. This time... test after test.... month after month... the results were negative. Once again, I experienced anger and frustration in a way that changed who I was. I wanted to be in control. I wanted to have some sort of say over my future. We all know that's not the way God wants it though, and that was what He was trying to prove. After many months (18 to be factual) of taking drugs, experiencing some WILD mood swings, and having some pretty nasty times in my marriage.... a light bulb went on.

It wasn't about me or my wants. It was about God wanting to change things in me... for the better. He knew my heart. He knew I needed redemption from things that were harming me BEFORE I became a mother. My father used to remind me during this time that God doesn't put desires in our hearts and leave them unfulfilled. He does fulfill. He DOES redeem.

Soon after this light bulb went on, J and I were baptized together and within a month, we were pregnant with our third born son, Lucas. He is our oldest here on earth and his name means 'The Light'. In my heart, he is visual proof of God's redemption. He is proof of what happens when we let go of the chains and let God do what He wants to do with us.

I honestly believe with all my heart that the things that are put in our hearts by God will not be unfulfilled. There's no such thing as settling for "It's never going to happen... This is just life". These people that I pray for... these are the words (i.e.chains) that choke them every day.

It's a choice though.

For I have learned that when we place these shattered portions of our lives before our King, He will fulfill. He will change us for the better. He will use these times to grow us and show us what He is capable of doing. He works miracles. He continues to prove this to me time and time again as I experience His grace.

I will continue to pray for these people I love. I pray that they will see that there is another option. I pray that they will see God's face in the areas of their lives that need redemption. I will pray that they are set free and that they will be changed for the better.

It's what God promises to do.