In The Potter's Hands

Last night we went to an INCREDIBLE church service!

It was a Wednesday.

It was October 8th, 2008.

It was a day that our Lord has known about since "we" came to be.

One of the many things that made this church service so incredible was the fact that it was such a last minute ordeal. A flyer landed in my hands (received from a neighbor that barely speaks to us... or even waves to us for that matter) on Tuesday night. The flyer was an announcement about a special church service being held up in town. A ministry called "Potter's Field" was the highlight. I had just heard about them from a friend just the week before. I had never heard of this ministry until just last week! The seed was planted in my head, and when the flyer landed in my hands... I knew that God was working here.

There were HUGE blessings that were received last night. Blessings that opened up a part of me that has been closed for so long. As I was sitting there just letting the Holy Spirit speak to me I was overwhelmed with a sense of being FREE! Free to love, free to forgive, free to let God be God. I literally FELT the healing that was taking place in that gymnasium last night. Not just my own healing, but the healing of many. The healing of an entire community! In past years, I have felt a little confined in this small community that we live in. It's a beautiful place, but I've just never felt like it was "home". Last night as I looked around and saw these people and as I experienced this spiritual journey WITH them, I felt like God was telling me,

"Daughter, this is your home. This is your place. Bloom here... where I have planted you."

Do you even understand how GOOD that feels? After almost eight years of living somewhere that I have been trying to get out of... I actually feel like I'm finally home. I'm on that wheel. I'm spinning 'round and 'round and God is forming me. It is only He that sees the finished product. This is only the beginning though.

This man (Mike Rozell) is a potter. He creates beauty with dirt. He takes something so plain, so simple and so gritty and molds it into an incredible piece of art. He uses this area of ministry to speak to people about how we are the clay in the "Master Potter's" hands. We are not finished when we think we are. We are a continual piece of artwork. The catch is... we have to LET HIM do His work.

I am a piece of clay. I am that big glob of gritty dirt that is everything BUT perfect. But... God sees beauty in me. He sees where I've been and He sees where I'm going.

My life is but a grain of sand here. I want to be available. i want to be open for whatever God has chosen for me... as well as what He will choose for me in the future. I want to be pliable. I do NOT want to be resistant. I want to stop the struggle that I so easily fall into whenever everyday life and the decisions we make affect me in a negative way.

I want to become something beautifully crafted by my Potter's hands.

Glorious Design

It has just been "One of those days". We all have them, right? As I've been wiping away the tears today and my heart has been so heavy, I'm reminded now of these things...

God's design is so simple.

God's design is not meant to always be understood.

God's design does NOT need explanation, because He's the one who formed us, and only He knows each and every one of our days.

God's design is never ending.

God's design is perfect.

God's design is glorious, and I can rest in that knowledge.

Wisdom on Eye Boogers

I can't help myself... if my boys knew I was posting this, they would NOT be happy, BUT... a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do, right?

So, the other night I turned the baby monitor on by my bed after I put the boys to bed. I don't always have it on anymore. I usually use it when one of them is sick or something like that. Anyhow, sometimes I've been known to use it so that I can listen to the funny conversations that they have when they lay their heads down at night. The topic of conversation was... eye boogers. You see, Colby and Caleb have bunk beds. Colby likes to sleep in the morning and Caleb generally gets up kinda early. Colby had a new theory to share with his brother in order to get him to sleep longer. This is the dialogue that I heard...

Colby: "Caleb, do you get those crusty, boogery things in your eyes in the morning?"

Caleb: "Yes."

Colby: "Okay, so I have an idea. If you have those in your eyes in the morning, DON'T pull them out!!! If you leave them in, you can close your eyes and go back to sleep. If you pull them out, then it's impossible to go back to sleep. Okay?"

Caleb: "Alright, I'll try, but I might forget."

It's obvious to me that Colby has tried this, and it's worked for him. Anyone else want to 'fess up to having this knowledge???

Just FYI... either Caleb DID forget, or this theory doesn't work for him. Colby's brain is on to new ideas to get his brother to stay asleep in the morning. :0)

Better Together

This post is for my husband, with whom I will be celebrating sixteen years of marriage this Friday.

Beautiful. That's the best word I can muster up that describes what we have. I know it's a simple word... one that's used a lot. I do not use it lightly here though. We have been together for nineteen years, and married for sixteen. In that amount of time, we have weathered many storms. The storms have been rough... but they have also been beautiful. The storms are what have matured us. They are the reason why my love keeps growing stronger for you, hon'. God never tells us exactly what he's going to give us. He knows what we can handle, and He knows what our needs are. He has always provided those needs, in every storm. He will continue to bring us that rainbow... beautiful, isn't it?

Our love has brought us this family. They make our lives sweeter. Every day is a mystery when we open our eyes for the first time. We never know what the day will hold. At the end of the day though, we have three miraculous boys to squeeze as we tuck them in for the night... then we have each other. It really is a beautiful thing!

It doesn't matter what we're doing, as long as we're doing it together. I love what we have now, and I look forward to all that we will have in the days ahead of us. The experiences that we have shared have made us who we are, and that will continually change. There is something that won't change though... the fact that I'm madly in love with my husband, the man that God chose to be my partner through life.

We are two who share one heart... we are better together.

Love,

me

Happy Birthday Colby!

So... the last of the summer boys' birthday bash has arrived. Colby turns 9 years old on Sunday. WOW! It's another one of those shockers for me. I can't believe he's already NINE! Of course, any of you who know him well would guess that he's a 49 year old stuck in a 9 year olds body. He's always been a little that way though... it's what makes him Colby!

Colby is so fun to talk with. He has always had this gift of tossing big words into conversation. Most of the time, it all makes sense too. He enjoys talking about everything from exotic cars (he's already saving money in his piggy bank for a Porsche) to relational issues (like reasons why his little brother behaves the way he does). He comes up with solutions to problems like it's no big deal. He would make a GREAT supervisor some day! Some people think he'll go into law school since he likes to argue his case (and he usually wins). We'll see... whatever God chooses for him, he'll be good at what he does.

As I look back in my journals and think about specific areas to pray about for Colby this year, these are the things that come to mind:

1. Prayer for new friendships. Since Colby isn't involved in organized sports up here, he doesn't have as many friends as his brothers. We are praying that this year that changes.

2. Prayer for Colby as he makes new decisions about what to be involved in. He has decided that gymnastics competition team isn't right for him, and we are supporting this idea. We pray that he finds something new to be involved in that gets him really excited!

3. Prayer that Colby can relish in the season of childhood. He tends to want to speed up his childhood so that he can do "adult things". We all know the importance in just being a kid (you only get to do it once). We pray that Colby soon understands this importance too.

This little man of ours is so full of life and love. His character is strong, yet so gentle.

We are blessed by you, Colby! Happy birthday!

PS. The picture of Colby in the tree has a story. In a "nut-shell", we had a bit of an ant problem one morning. Colby remembered a conversation that he had with my mom's neighbor about insects in the house being a problem because of woodpeckers. Caleb was very upset on this morning because he was the one who encountered the ants as they were crawling up his body as he was getting food for the dog. Colby came to his brother's rescue. He took it upon himself to take his bow and arrow and climb the tree so that he could snatch a few woodpeckers off of the house. He waited very patiently in that tree for the woodpeckers to come... and that they did.

Diving For Frogs!

Friday night we went out for pizza and then decided to go on a hike around the pond a couple of miles from our house. As some of you may already know, California is so dry right now. The pond was more like a puddle! It was very marsh-like with LOTS of mud for the boys to enjoy and explore... and that they did! The first thing they did when we got there was run down to the mud and plunge themselves into it. Caleb was wearing a pair of Crocs and he lifted his feet up and left his shoes behind in the thick of it.

There were hundreds of "just graduated from polywog-hood" frogs leaping from the mud into the water at the sound of these four giggling boys (one was a friend) frolicking the banks. The boys were thrilled at the sight of them and couldn't wait to get their hands on them! Jason and I were at the top and since it was kinda dusky, we could only see bits and pieces... but what we heard just made us roar with laughter. We would hear "Ohhhhh... I think I got one. Oops... he's not moving. Oh no, I think he's dead." Other things like... "Dude, your mom's gonna be sooooo mad. Look at all the mud on you!" It was truly HILARIOUS!!!!

Boys are so much fun. When I was growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mommy. I always pictured myself with boys and girls (maybe two of each). I NEVER would have guessed that God had THREE boys planned for me. Even my mom says she can't believe it! What an honor though. They bring me so much joy and laughter. I love to just sit and watch them. They will be out in the back building forts and I love to watch their brains think. The things they come up with and the ways they show their creativity are so different from me... it's fascinating. They are men in little boys' bodies.

Coming home from the pond the other night, I was still laughing about the dialogue that was taking place there. I was relishing the moment. I was FULL of gratitude for these adventurous, crazy boys of mine. I was literally lost in the moment when we pulled into the driveway... only to find out that we had a loose frog in the van. Time for the adventure to start all over...

PS. There will be a picture, so if you have read this without the picture, please check back. It will be worth it! :0)

Caught in the middle

To quote a favorite song of mine...

"Somewhere between the hot and the cold.
Somewhere between the new and the old.
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be...
Somewhere in the middle you'll find me.

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who I'm meant to be...
Somewhere in the middle you'll find me.

Just how close can I get, Lord
to my surrender- without losing all control?

Fearless warriors and the picket fence
wreckless abandonment wrapped in common sense
deep water faith in the shallow end
and we are caught in the middle.

With eyes wide open to the differences
A God we want and a God who is
But would we trade our dreams for His...
or are we caught in the middle?"

The song goes on. The lyrics are AMAZING! Without fail, every time I doubt myself or any part of my life... I play this song and He brings me back. He brings me back to His arms. He brings me back home.

This weekend was FULL of gifts! We had dinner with some friends Friday night and that was truly a gift. I shared a post with you all last week about feeling "empty" at the start of our school year. I asked for prayer and ideas. I immediately felt your prayers... and the ideas came flowing into my own head. My first idea was one that I shared with my good friend, Tina, Friday night after dinner. We talked about a lot of things, but the main idea was one of just being overwhelmed. Time to bring back the idea of simplicity, Tami. I could save a lot of time and grief if I just took the time to go back and read my own posts, right? Anyhow, our conversation (Tina and I) was a HUGE blessing and I left feeling like I had just been to a homeschooling refresher course! Thanks, Tina. We really need to make time for eachother more. :0)

The boys went to Grandma and Grandpa's Saturday night and I had the opportunity to spend the ENTIRE night with my husband... UNINTERRUPTED! It was a beautiful thing. We had dinner together, strolled, got coffee, took a little drive and had the BEST conversations about the past, present and future. I don't know about you... but I really get excited when I get the chance to daydream about the future with my best friend. What's better is daydreaming about it together... and verbalizing it all.

In the midst of receiving these gifts of conversation and time with people I love and care a lot about, I remembered the lyrics to this song by Casting Crowns. I genuinely feel like I have been caught in the middle. I have experienced "deep water faith in the shallow end" and I have most DEFINITELY felt like I was this person that I have never been before. I viewed that as a bad thing. I kept wondering...

"what's wrong with me?"

Nothing is WRONG with me! God is working in me! He's still molding me into who I'm meant to be. The person I am today will not be the same tomorrow or the next day. What an incredible challenge it is for me to see this, resist the temptation to fight it and learn about the experience of it all while at the same time teaching my children about this process. WOW!

There are a few things in life I feel so strongly about. One, my God IS the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Circumstances around us change, we change, those we love change... but HE doesn't. There is great comfort in that, isn't there? Two, God has SO MUCH planned for me, my husband and these three handsome boys. We don't know these plans yet, but that's not the important part. The important part is that we remain willing to follow. Last, but certainly NOT least... I know that during this season of life, these boys are where they are supposed to be. I am where I'm supposed to be. We are at home... learning together. We aren't learning just reading, writing and arithmetic. We are learning about life. We are learning about loving others, respecting others and following the voice of God.

My three sons are treasures. They are treasures given to us by God, their maker. God is molding THEM each day into who THEY are meant to be. I'm so thrilled that I get to be a part of that! I'm also thrilled to have friends and family who travel this road with us and pray with us.

Today I'm feeling full again. I'm feeling full of grace that has been given to me. I'm feeling full and refreshed in spirit. I'm so thankful for my God who never changes... even when I am caught in the middle.