After a very busy weekend, my Colby sat at the computer typing away. His fingers seemed to punctuate every key. He typed with something different about him. I didn't know what he was typing, and I waited until he was done to ask. The rest of us sat just feet away on our big couch... Snuggled in for the night. Colby finished typing and printed his paper. He then began to reach for his back pack to put his final project away. I stopped him.
"Colby, what have you been working on?" I asked.
"Oh, it's just my testimony that I'm supposed to hand in this week."
His teacher, who is also a very good friend of mine had shared with me that she had asked her class to really think about their own personal testimony and then write it up. She didn't want this to be something they rushed through or took lightly. She wanted them to really FEEL that they knew their relationships with the Lord... Where it started and where it is going. I was immediately filled with anticipation of what my son would write. I never stopped to consider that he would feel hesitation about letting me read it.
"Can I read it, Cole?"
"Mom, it's kind of personal. I don't know."
I didn't want to push, but I also wanted him to feel stretched. I explained that I believe that sharing our testimonies is something that I feel God calls us all to do. They are personal, but a part of us that is meant to be shared with others. I told him that I think it would be great if all five of us did this same project at home and shared with each other.
He came to my side and handed me the paper. I read those words, and my eyes could not stay dry. My 12 year old son GETS IT! He understood exactly what this assignment was about and he wrote with such authenticity. I could actually hear his sweet voice as I read the words. He shared about the day he asked Jesus to be his Savior and then he shared about his relationship with him today. He shared his joys and his struggles. It was BEAUTIFUL!
We are so blessed to have Colby and Caleb attending the school where they are at. They are both being challenged academically, but the spiritual challenge is where I see the most reward. Their teachers are both wonderful women who love the Lord with all of their hearts and they take their job as shepherds more seriously than any other job that they are supposed to accomplish in one year's time.
Colby's testimony spoke to his Mama's heart. He reminded me that even in our struggles, joy awaits us. The Lord is always teaching... Always directing. Are my hands open and laid out before Him? Is my mind willing? Are my feet ready to go?
The desire of my heart is to always answer YES to these questions... In Spirit, mind and body. I am to never keep this personal, but I am to wear this attitude EVERYday.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
His plan, Not Mine
It's been a tough couple of weeks. I haven't wanted to come here and write because I honestly haven't felt like I had much positive to say... Even after that last post that so many found uplifting. I guess this proves I'm human.... Not perfect in any way after all. I still feel everything that I wrote about last. None of that was made up or written so to sound like someone I am not. In life there is an eb and flow. I experience both all the time.
I have written here before that sometimes the Lord puts just one single word on my heart and in my head. I used to pray that God would send me billboards that would clearly direct me on my path. I have learned that these words that He gives me are my billboards. I am grateful and humbled each time I receive them. With that being said, my latest billboard is "plan".
I have heard it in song, I have heard it and read it in scripture a lot lately, and yesterday I heard it in my pastor's message.
Many, O Lord, my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell them, they would be too many to declare. ~ Psalm 40:5
My life is but one big blue print.... But not one drawn up by myself. I try to speak with such authority sometimes regarding the things that seem unfair right now.... Things that I do not like. Things that make me completely unhappy. I have let depression not only knock at my door, but I have let it through the door. How easily I forget.
I forget about pain experienced in the past that has brought me to where I am now. I forget about how throughout my entire life, the Lord has blessed me abundantly! I forget that my plan is not his plan. Not only that, but His plan is ALWAYS the better one!!
My prayer on this day and in these days ahead is that I will not forget any longer. I am praying for an attitude change that is clearly felt on the inside and visible on the outside. I no longer want to be a slave to my plan, but I DO want to serve my family and this life according to God's plan. I want to serve with gratitude and a willing heart, knowing that the desires of my heart are not unknown to Him. My desires, as long as they are with right motive, are important to the Lord. I know this and therefore I can let go of the control. I can stop trying to lead my way, and follow His lead in ALL things.
I have written here before that sometimes the Lord puts just one single word on my heart and in my head. I used to pray that God would send me billboards that would clearly direct me on my path. I have learned that these words that He gives me are my billboards. I am grateful and humbled each time I receive them. With that being said, my latest billboard is "plan".
I have heard it in song, I have heard it and read it in scripture a lot lately, and yesterday I heard it in my pastor's message.
Many, O Lord, my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell them, they would be too many to declare. ~ Psalm 40:5
My life is but one big blue print.... But not one drawn up by myself. I try to speak with such authority sometimes regarding the things that seem unfair right now.... Things that I do not like. Things that make me completely unhappy. I have let depression not only knock at my door, but I have let it through the door. How easily I forget.
I forget about pain experienced in the past that has brought me to where I am now. I forget about how throughout my entire life, the Lord has blessed me abundantly! I forget that my plan is not his plan. Not only that, but His plan is ALWAYS the better one!!
My prayer on this day and in these days ahead is that I will not forget any longer. I am praying for an attitude change that is clearly felt on the inside and visible on the outside. I no longer want to be a slave to my plan, but I DO want to serve my family and this life according to God's plan. I want to serve with gratitude and a willing heart, knowing that the desires of my heart are not unknown to Him. My desires, as long as they are with right motive, are important to the Lord. I know this and therefore I can let go of the control. I can stop trying to lead my way, and follow His lead in ALL things.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
A Diamond in the Rough
So here we are... In what we have affectionately come to call our "glorified apartment". It is pretty much just that. It has officially been one month since our move. I purposely waited a month to sit and gather my thoughts about it and write. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to just use my keyboard here to type out a million and one complaints.
Everyday that I spend here, I find many things that draw me away. I admitted to my hubby over the weekend that it has been a challenge for me to find reasons (other than my work) to NOT be home. It's easy for me to become a little depressed about it I guess. That, and it's just so small. Copper and I constantly struggle with each other for space to move around during the day when there are no other bodies but me and the furry ones.
But then the boys come home... Everything changes.
My attitude becomes a bit sunnier and it feels like home. The house suddenly erupts with laughter and activity. It feels good.
There are things about this house that are weird. Things that are broken, with no future of being repaired. The dining room has no light. We stuck a floor lamp next to the table, but the ceilings are vaulted in there, so the floor lamp doesn't help much. In the middle of my dining room table there now sits a big candle. We have candle lit dinners every night now. It's actually become pretty sweet. the younger boys race to the candle every night in hopes that they will be the one that gets to play with fire. Our dinner time has become more relaxed and we linger a bit longer. Is it the candle? I am able to see and feel the gift in having no light in the dining room.
About a week after we moved in the dishwasher broke. The land lord has no plans to have it fixed or have it replaced. Soooo..... That means Dawn (as in liquid dish soap) and I have become the best of friends. She and I stand at the sink several times a day and have therapy sessions. There's something about washing dishes by hand. Seriously. It is so cleansing, on many levels. I traveled through the stages of grief over losing my dishwasher, but in the end I am ALMOST grateful for this inconvenience during this stage of life.
Every night I get to hear my boys talking and laughing from their tiny dorm. They are so funny, these boys. They are growing and changing so fast. Because of the limited vastness of this place, I don't feel like I miss anything. I see it all. I AM grateful for that... SO GRATEFUL!
The television isn't on hardly at all these days. There are more books on the coffee table and there are board games lying about. There is music coming from the piano and the guitars. This "glorified apartment" has become more like our summer cottage. Where we all come at the end of the day to just be. Be here... Be together. This house, I have come to appreciate, is refining us. Who could ask for more than that?
When we move out and into our God willing "final home" before GOING home, we will be better because of this place with no dining room light, no dishwasher, and limited space. Our family will have more connection. We will know each other like never before.
Thank you, Lord... For this Diamond in the Rough.
Everyday that I spend here, I find many things that draw me away. I admitted to my hubby over the weekend that it has been a challenge for me to find reasons (other than my work) to NOT be home. It's easy for me to become a little depressed about it I guess. That, and it's just so small. Copper and I constantly struggle with each other for space to move around during the day when there are no other bodies but me and the furry ones.
But then the boys come home... Everything changes.
My attitude becomes a bit sunnier and it feels like home. The house suddenly erupts with laughter and activity. It feels good.
There are things about this house that are weird. Things that are broken, with no future of being repaired. The dining room has no light. We stuck a floor lamp next to the table, but the ceilings are vaulted in there, so the floor lamp doesn't help much. In the middle of my dining room table there now sits a big candle. We have candle lit dinners every night now. It's actually become pretty sweet. the younger boys race to the candle every night in hopes that they will be the one that gets to play with fire. Our dinner time has become more relaxed and we linger a bit longer. Is it the candle? I am able to see and feel the gift in having no light in the dining room.
About a week after we moved in the dishwasher broke. The land lord has no plans to have it fixed or have it replaced. Soooo..... That means Dawn (as in liquid dish soap) and I have become the best of friends. She and I stand at the sink several times a day and have therapy sessions. There's something about washing dishes by hand. Seriously. It is so cleansing, on many levels. I traveled through the stages of grief over losing my dishwasher, but in the end I am ALMOST grateful for this inconvenience during this stage of life.
Every night I get to hear my boys talking and laughing from their tiny dorm. They are so funny, these boys. They are growing and changing so fast. Because of the limited vastness of this place, I don't feel like I miss anything. I see it all. I AM grateful for that... SO GRATEFUL!
The television isn't on hardly at all these days. There are more books on the coffee table and there are board games lying about. There is music coming from the piano and the guitars. This "glorified apartment" has become more like our summer cottage. Where we all come at the end of the day to just be. Be here... Be together. This house, I have come to appreciate, is refining us. Who could ask for more than that?
When we move out and into our God willing "final home" before GOING home, we will be better because of this place with no dining room light, no dishwasher, and limited space. Our family will have more connection. We will know each other like never before.
Thank you, Lord... For this Diamond in the Rough.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
These Days
Days of measuring out medicine.
Days of supplying kleenex in bulk.
Days of holding and praying as we wish for better days of feeling well again.
These past few days our home has been struck by one very nasty germ! I could go into song with complaining. I couldtell you how awful it has been... especially since it got me too (on Valentine's Day no less). I won't do that though. Instead I will tell you a different story.
It has been a sweet time of catching up together. It has been a time of watching movies on the couch together. A time of playing a few quiet games. A time of chatting about things... Deep things. A time of being blessed by my husband as he tends to things that he normally doesn't count as part of his own typical day.... And then some.
Today Caleb and I are home. Luke finally felt well enough to go back to school. Caleb lies on the couch looking out the living room window.
"Mom, lay here.... Just like I am."
He gets up and points for me. Tells me where to put my elbow and focus my gaze. I look.
"Do you see it? The tree out there has branches that form the shape of a heart."
I see what has caught his eye. I see it, and I see his heart. I tell him how very neat it is that he saw it.... Explain that a lot of people might miss it, but he stayed quiet long enough and gazed hard enough to see something very beautiful.
That's how things have been here for the past week or so. We have stayed quiet long enough and we have gazed hard enough to see the beautiful in the ordinary days of sickness. I am grateful for the ability.
I am grateful for the reminder from my 10 year old Caleb today.
Days of supplying kleenex in bulk.
Days of holding and praying as we wish for better days of feeling well again.
These past few days our home has been struck by one very nasty germ! I could go into song with complaining. I couldtell you how awful it has been... especially since it got me too (on Valentine's Day no less). I won't do that though. Instead I will tell you a different story.
It has been a sweet time of catching up together. It has been a time of watching movies on the couch together. A time of playing a few quiet games. A time of chatting about things... Deep things. A time of being blessed by my husband as he tends to things that he normally doesn't count as part of his own typical day.... And then some.
Today Caleb and I are home. Luke finally felt well enough to go back to school. Caleb lies on the couch looking out the living room window.
"Mom, lay here.... Just like I am."
He gets up and points for me. Tells me where to put my elbow and focus my gaze. I look.
"Do you see it? The tree out there has branches that form the shape of a heart."
I see what has caught his eye. I see it, and I see his heart. I tell him how very neat it is that he saw it.... Explain that a lot of people might miss it, but he stayed quiet long enough and gazed hard enough to see something very beautiful.
That's how things have been here for the past week or so. We have stayed quiet long enough and we have gazed hard enough to see the beautiful in the ordinary days of sickness. I am grateful for the ability.
I am grateful for the reminder from my 10 year old Caleb today.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Trust
This morning I am in my quiet house still putting things away after making the big move. I have my music tuned to a Pandora station while I work. Every song is hand picked for me today it seems. I must take a break from what I'm busy doing and make note of what is going on within hearts today.
'Tis So Sweet to Trust In Jesus.... It is Well with My Soul... Be Thou My Vision.... Etc.
Having a teenager is challenging, but not in the ways that most people warned me about when my belly was big with the babes growing within. The challenges come from having to stand and watch them struggle through this thing called life. They have to figure things out and learn things the hard way sometimes. I don't like to see my children hurt though. I don't think any mother does. Adults can be so difficult sometimes. I often wonder if some of them are stuck in their teenage years STILL! The popularity contests do not stop in some adults apparently. The have their favorites on the baseball field. It doesn't matter if one of the boys has been at a three hour practice and hit every ball except for one and caught every ball except for one. It doesn't matter that this boy is the first to grab the rake and start cleaning up the field when practice is over either. Skills and character only go so far with some I guess. This is where it gets challenging for me.
Watching... Watching him struggle through finding his way. Then, I read our devotional at the breakfast table this morning. It was about trusting and seeking. Trusting that hardship is placed with purpose. The purpose being to seek Him more. To find him as Treasure! Hardship brings MORE skill, MORE character. We prayed, my boys and I. Then, I took them to school for another day of academics, play and competitiveness on the baseball field.
I came home and these songs fill my home with remembrance of our time this morning. Our time of learning to trust more and seek Him more.
Thank you Jesus. Thank you for grace. Thank you for times like these that we all learn together. Please give my boys a peace about who they are and what they were created for. May YOU always be their source of confidence. ~
'Tis So Sweet to Trust In Jesus.... It is Well with My Soul... Be Thou My Vision.... Etc.
Having a teenager is challenging, but not in the ways that most people warned me about when my belly was big with the babes growing within. The challenges come from having to stand and watch them struggle through this thing called life. They have to figure things out and learn things the hard way sometimes. I don't like to see my children hurt though. I don't think any mother does. Adults can be so difficult sometimes. I often wonder if some of them are stuck in their teenage years STILL! The popularity contests do not stop in some adults apparently. The have their favorites on the baseball field. It doesn't matter if one of the boys has been at a three hour practice and hit every ball except for one and caught every ball except for one. It doesn't matter that this boy is the first to grab the rake and start cleaning up the field when practice is over either. Skills and character only go so far with some I guess. This is where it gets challenging for me.
Watching... Watching him struggle through finding his way. Then, I read our devotional at the breakfast table this morning. It was about trusting and seeking. Trusting that hardship is placed with purpose. The purpose being to seek Him more. To find him as Treasure! Hardship brings MORE skill, MORE character. We prayed, my boys and I. Then, I took them to school for another day of academics, play and competitiveness on the baseball field.
I came home and these songs fill my home with remembrance of our time this morning. Our time of learning to trust more and seek Him more.
Thank you Jesus. Thank you for grace. Thank you for times like these that we all learn together. Please give my boys a peace about who they are and what they were created for. May YOU always be their source of confidence. ~
Friday, February 3, 2012
Boxes of Blessings
We are blessed.
Yes, we are moving again in less than 24 hours, but we are blessed.
We are blessed because we do not travel alone. We do not carry sickness with us. We do not pack boxes of burdens... Only boxes of blessings. Boxes of smiles because high school is good now. Boxes of night time boy laughter coming from the room that they will share. Boxes of rest for my Love as the rent is lower, thus allowing us to save more for our next home purchase. Boxes of peace and a closer togetherness... Good for a Mama's heart.
Excited to find out what life will be like in this new place, but at the same time, knowing it won't be much different at all. We have each other and that's what counts. I have been reminded on several levels lately of the importance of the important.
The Lord has been teaching, and I have been better about learning... Growth. Finally.
Grateful for the moments of my own growth, and grateful also for the moments that I've witnessed growth in my family. God is faithful... Always.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Journey
I am trying something new. I am posting this using my new iPad that my honey bought me for Christmas. That means that my middle finger of my right hand is gaining new muscle above the rest of my fingers. :0) Touch pad is tricky, people.
So the other day I was thinking about this journey we have been on.... New schools, new homes, new friends, etcetera. This question popped into my head...
Where are we journeying TO?
The quickest answer I came to was, well, our final destination of course.... Our "final" home, school,etc.. But then I began to hear something else whispered in my ear. This journey that I am on, that my husband and our three sweet boys are on.... It's a journey to knowing and trusting Christ more. At the end of all of this we will ALL have a different relationship with Jesus. We are learning to let Him walk ahead of us each day. We are learning to hold His hand. We are learning that our ways aren't always His ways.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Be thankful in everything, for this is christ's will for you.
We are learning to find gratitude in all circumstances. Gratitude in boxes being packed and unpacked again. Gratitude in being the new kid on campus half way through freshman year. Gratitude brings worship, and worship brings hope.
Hope brings strength.
The journey continues and it remains sweet. Thank you all for your prayers. They are felt EVERY day!
So the other day I was thinking about this journey we have been on.... New schools, new homes, new friends, etcetera. This question popped into my head...
Where are we journeying TO?
The quickest answer I came to was, well, our final destination of course.... Our "final" home, school,etc.. But then I began to hear something else whispered in my ear. This journey that I am on, that my husband and our three sweet boys are on.... It's a journey to knowing and trusting Christ more. At the end of all of this we will ALL have a different relationship with Jesus. We are learning to let Him walk ahead of us each day. We are learning to hold His hand. We are learning that our ways aren't always His ways.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Be thankful in everything, for this is christ's will for you.
We are learning to find gratitude in all circumstances. Gratitude in boxes being packed and unpacked again. Gratitude in being the new kid on campus half way through freshman year. Gratitude brings worship, and worship brings hope.
Hope brings strength.
The journey continues and it remains sweet. Thank you all for your prayers. They are felt EVERY day!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)