Photo Dump

Under Construction!

The summer "to do" bug has hit me hard this morning. On my list is a complete overhaul of this site.

Construction has started.... Let's see where my knowledge of technology (or better, lack of) can get me!

Stay tuned...

Sixteen Candles!!

It doesn't seem possible.

How did this happen?

When did my baby grow up almost overnight?

I commented on a "bloggy friend's" blog the other day that I really do believe that watching our children grow is the most rewarding, fun, but PAINFUL thing that a mother has to endure!

I believe this because I look at my now sixteen year old and I can still smell what he smelled like on that first day. His scent was sweet and intoxicating, not that of a locker room or Axe men's body spray.

I can feel his velvety soft new skin against my cheek. His tiny fingers curled around mine. His face is a man's now... All rough and prickly. My hands get lost in the enormity of his now.

Everywhere we went, I was responsible for getting him safely there and home again. Maybe in a car, or a stroller. Sometimes in a sling or backpack. He was attached to me. Last night, after we finished our meal at Mel's Diner (his birthday choice), we piled into the family mini van and he drove all of us home.

It all happened SO fast!

Lucas has grown into an amazing young man though. One that I could not be more proud of. He is an old soul in many ways. He talks of days gone by, simpler days, and wishes he would have lived in more those times. I remember feeling that way too. Little did I know how much MORE complicated times would become for my children! He dreams of classic cars (trucks) in his someday driveway and he tells us in detail what they look like. I do not doubt that he will own at least one.

This young man loves Jesus. He is not afraid to stand up to any crowd and be exactly who he is. No compromises! Now that his younger brother is starting high school in the fall, we hear Lucas sharing many words of encouragement with Colby about what to expect, and how to be strong in character always. When I hear the words being spoken, I find a lump in my throat. Again, it's just so hard to believe we are at this stage of life already. My oldest sounding so adult-like and full of wisdom. My second born listening with intention and confidence that he can do this too.

Happy birthday, Luke! Yesterday, at the end of the day I asked you if you knew what I was doing at that moment sixteen years ago. You took some guesses. All were wrong. I told you I was staring at you. I know it might sound weird to you now, but I know that someday you will know exactly what I mean... What I felt. I stared at you then because everything was new to me. Your cute little button nose. Those perfect lips, and that beautiful olive skin..... All of it was new. I found myself in dis-belief! The Lord had fulfilled so many promises to me on that day. The truth is, He still does.... Everyday. Everyday as I witness you growing in stature, character, and spirit I am blessed. I am reminded of God's faithfulness and goodness to us.

I still stare at you, you know that? You are precious to me.... I love you SO much!

Love,

Me

Coming Full Circle

Have you ever thought about what coming full circle means? I have heard this phrase spoken so many times in my life. It's one of those phrases that I have never really stopped to consider what it really means.

Today though, this phrase has been playing over and over like a broken record in my own head.

Years ago, I was at the top of my circle. Life was good. It was predictable and it was safe. I knew what to expect in my days. I knew who loved me, and I knew who saw my worth. I was young. I was a different person than I am today.

After traveling the circumference of this circle over these years, I have found myself once again at the top. This time, it looks much different.

Life is still very good, but it is not predictable. That's okay though. I have learned that. Predictability makes life boring. Getting up in the morning, reading my bible and having my everyday sweet conversations with Jesus about what the day holds for me is my preference now. He brings surprises sometimes... Surprises that shift life in all sorts of ways. At the end of the day though, He is the same. He is still holding me and guiding my feet and ways.

When compared to many others, my life has always been safe. I don't see that part changing. My opinion on what makes life safe has changed though. It's not the everyday things that make it safe. Life's safety does not depend on where I live, how much money I have, or who thinks I am a good person with worth in whatever area. I have safety in knowing Jesus and putting Him first. I have safety in following Him. I find safety in living my days out with my husband and my three precious gifts... My boys. Someday I may not witness their contagious smiles everyday like I do now. Someday they may choose to make their lives somewhere not close to me. I will rejoice with them! I will rejoice with them as they follow the path that the Lord has set before them. If they choose to travel far, it will not be easy, but I will still feel safe because my worth does not lie in them, and theirs does not lie in me. As we all grow up, we understand more about finding our worth in God alone. That is the safest place to be. The most beautiful place to be.

A little over a month ago, Lucas broke his hand at baseball practice. He was mid-season and he was doing fabulous! He had the highest batting average on the team and he consistently made good, solid outs at third base. His injury was a real shocker! His team's last game was last week. The night before the last game of the season he was visibly upset. I sat by his bed and we had a talk. He was disappointed because he really saw himself finishing up the season with his team. The finality of it all hit him hard. I shared that I was sad for him as well, BUT.... I witnessed things about him that I never would have otherwise.

I saw him come full circle.

Over the years, he has struggled to prove himself and his skills in the game of baseball. It seems that it's harder for the good guy to look like the winner. That title is often times mistakenly given to someone who really doesn't deserve it. Politics are usually to blame. This year though, Luke came out on top. His high school coach texted J late on the evening after Luke broke his hand. The text said that he was really disappointed about Luke's injury. He went on to say that not only was Luke on top as far as productivity in the game, but more than that, he was "good company". Judging by the text, J and I both thought the coach must have thought that Luke would just disappear into the sunset. He didn't. He went to EVERY practice and EVERY game after his break. He couldn't produce runs or outs, but he continued to produce a sense of team work through the use of his voice and his heart. Nobody (including Luke himself) would have seen this part of him without the injury. Luke was back on top of his game during this very last game of the season... And I believe he will continue to stay on top because of what he has learned in this process. He learned that his worth was not just in hitting and catching baseballs. His worth was SO much more!

For me, the top of the circle appears to be so much different than it ever has before. There are still so many uncertainties in my life. Really, there are more than there ever have been. God has shown me that the uncertainties don't matter.... Because the one thing that IS certain is my relationship with Jesus. It is stronger than it ever has been before! It is finally that house built upon the "Rock".

... And the view is amazing from up here.

Two Years

On Monday it will be two years since we made our journey down that big hill.

If someone would have told me what this journey would look like, I most likely would not have believed them.

Three moves in two years, making the transition from homeschooling mom to having children in both private and public schools, taking on a part time job that actually seems to be more like full time... These are just morsels of the ride we have been on.

There have been days of extreme beauty and also days of discouraging ugliness. Two years later though, I can see that all of these days have just been part of the mosaic. The Lord's mosaic.

My devotional today was titled ' The Lord's Surprise Visits'. How appropriate for the thoughts that are on my mind. I would like to share a part of this devotional.

"Jesus rarely comes where we expect Him; He appears where we least expect Him, and always in the most illogical situations. The only way a servant can remain true to God is to be ready for the Lord's surprise visits."

WOW! I have seen many of these surprise visits over the past two years. Some I was ready for, but sadly, some I was not.

Then it goes on to say...

" This readiness will not be brought about by service, but through intense spiritual reality, expecting Jesus Christ at every turn. This sense of expectation will give our life the attitude of childlike wonder He wants it to have."

How many of us are getting this part wrong? Readiness doesn't mean doing, it means being. Being WITH Him... Expecting Him to be WITH us!

This is, perhaps the largest piece of the mosaic for me. Understanding this has been a journey all in itself, but feeling it and living it have been new just recently.

I spend my first moments of each new day with Him. Before I even put my feet on the floor I am in conversation with my Jesus. This is not an act of service, it is my intense spiritual reality. I have always done daily devotions, but I have done them without routine. I have squeezed time with the Lord in my day wherever I thought it would fit. I am SO grateful that I have come to a new understanding of what kind of relationship I am to have with Jesus. I am not to "squeeze Him in".... I am to to squeeze everything else out until after I have started my day WITH Him and He WITH me!

I guess I could say that it took many days of discouragement, frustration and hurt to get to this new place. I could also say that I have had just as many days of joy, gratitude and smiles to get to this new place. I think that's the way the Lord planned this two year journey for me.

It has all been part of this very long unexpected, yet expected visit from The One who created me.

** Devotional quotations taken from My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers

Living Water

He hands me a mug with Pooh Bear gracing it's front.

"It's not Tigger, we don't have one of those, but they are related, right? Have a good day."

He leans in for a kiss, and I am immediately reminded why I married this man. He is more than my husband, he is my friend... And a friend of God's.

John 4:11

"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?"

How deep is the well within me? If I were to draw from it, would the result be living water, or would it be water so stagnant that it had become filthy with rust and grime.

I have been asking myself this question a lot lately, and I have come to many answers. Most of them I do not like. Most of them point to a reflection in the water of someone who is not me.

If I were to allow God to do what He has set out to do, without complaining about it, without dreading everything about it, then the living water would flow again. It's sounds so simple, it's true.

But is it?

The thing about joy is... Sometimes you have to literally hunt for it. When you find that little sparkle of joy in something, then it can usually spread quickly into other things. Before we know it, the Eeyore in us has been banished and Tigger reigns!

When I struggle with current happenings, I can easily get caught up in my daily complaints. God isn't able to work through me during these times. I limit His capabilities when I complain and refuse to see what He is actually doing. Every ministry that I am a part of suffers during these times, but the one that saddens me the most is my lack of ministry to children. I am with them all day every day... And they're not just my own children anymore. These young people count on me to point them to the Lord. They need me to show them where and how to draw the living water.

I am praying myself through some times right now. Through his simple acts of kindness I am reminded that my husband prays for me too. I am praying that the Lord would help me to draw living water from the deepest depths. I am praying that if there is any muck down there, He will cleanse me of it and make the water pure and clean.

I love you, Jesus. I want to be your vessel. I want to be obedient to your call on my life without getting caught up in the complaints of what sometimes makes the calling so difficult. Please continue to speak to me and show me exactly what You want for me to see.... And nothing else.

Sounds of Home

Home is full of sounds again...

Rain pounds on the windows.

The laundry machines hum gently and consistently.

Worship music flows through the rooms, coming from the docking station upstairs.

Two boys are downstairs playing games.

The other boy sits next to me while I type. Any guess which boy? You are probably wrong.

It's been a long time...

A long time since we have all just "been here". Our days used to look much like this one. There were books piled on top of the dining room table, fresh coffee in the pot almost any hour of the day, crayons scattered about on the coffee table in the living room... Noises pouring from every nook and cranny of home.

Today is much more intentional though. It is not the "norm" anymore. I had to "create" this day. Luke is out of school for the entire week (what the school district calls ski week.... Weird), so I took the next two days off and took Colby and Caleb out of school too. We are here together to refresh.

There is much to be refreshed, but mostly my spirit. I have been grumpy, both at home and at the school. Grumpy is not who I am, so I figured it was time to take some time. I plan to spend much of this time talking to the Lord about balancing life. I want ME to re-surface again. I desire this grumpy, short (not in stature) and irritable person residing in me to completely disappear!

Admittedly so, my time with the Lord hasn't been what it should be lately. There have been a few projects at school that have required more effort, time and planning from me. Baseball season has started.  Three boys... All playing baseball this year = WOW! Enough said about that. My idea of time with the Lord has been rolling over at zero dark thirty, picking up my copy of 'My Utmost for his Highest' from my night stand and reading the days page. I quickly end it with prayer and move on to the shower. Sad, isn't it?

I have received my rude awakening. I have been reminded that I cannot make it through this life without Him. He is life. Simple as that. When I don't start my day WITH Him, little by little, I start to feel suffocated by this life. When I felt up to my neck in pain last week, I decided that I needed this time to re-unite... I guess a retreat of sorts.

I have spent the sweetest time during the past few days reuniting with my Father... My Daddy. He has accepted me firmly back into His grip. He never let go in the first place. I did. It is my prayer that I stay here. I pray that I remember where wandering gets me. I pray that I will be transformed after this time of retreat.

The sounds inside of my home bring joy to me. These sounds remind me of a sweet and simpler time. The sounds also remind me that there is purpose for new sounds now.... Or more commonly, a completely quiet and still house. The Lord has us where He wants us. It is my job to be where He wants me to be with the right attitude, the right spirit.

Thank you Lord, for this time of refreshment. Thank you for the sounds inside of my home... The sounds of yesterday, today and tomorrow.