Thursday, February 28, 2013

Living Water

He hands me a mug with Pooh Bear gracing it's front.

"It's not Tigger, we don't have one of those, but they are related, right? Have a good day."

He leans in for a kiss, and I am immediately reminded why I married this man. He is more than my husband, he is my friend... And a friend of God's.

John 4:11

"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?"

How deep is the well within me? If I were to draw from it, would the result be living water, or would it be water so stagnant that it had become filthy with rust and grime.

I have been asking myself this question a lot lately, and I have come to many answers. Most of them I do not like. Most of them point to a reflection in the water of someone who is not me.

If I were to allow God to do what He has set out to do, without complaining about it, without dreading everything about it, then the living water would flow again. It's sounds so simple, it's true.

But is it?

The thing about joy is... Sometimes you have to literally hunt for it. When you find that little sparkle of joy in something, then it can usually spread quickly into other things. Before we know it, the Eeyore in us has been banished and Tigger reigns!

When I struggle with current happenings, I can easily get caught up in my daily complaints. God isn't able to work through me during these times. I limit His capabilities when I complain and refuse to see what He is actually doing. Every ministry that I am a part of suffers during these times, but the one that saddens me the most is my lack of ministry to children. I am with them all day every day... And they're not just my own children anymore. These young people count on me to point them to the Lord. They need me to show them where and how to draw the living water.

I am praying myself through some times right now. Through his simple acts of kindness I am reminded that my husband prays for me too. I am praying that the Lord would help me to draw living water from the deepest depths. I am praying that if there is any muck down there, He will cleanse me of it and make the water pure and clean.

I love you, Jesus. I want to be your vessel. I want to be obedient to your call on my life without getting caught up in the complaints of what sometimes makes the calling so difficult. Please continue to speak to me and show me exactly what You want for me to see.... And nothing else.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Sounds of Home

Home is full of sounds again...

Rain pounds on the windows.

The laundry machines hum gently and consistently.

Worship music flows through the rooms, coming from the docking station upstairs.

Two boys are downstairs playing games.

The other boy sits next to me while I type. Any guess which boy? You are probably wrong.

It's been a long time...

A long time since we have all just "been here". Our days used to look much like this one. There were books piled on top of the dining room table, fresh coffee in the pot almost any hour of the day, crayons scattered about on the coffee table in the living room... Noises pouring from every nook and cranny of home.

Today is much more intentional though. It is not the "norm" anymore. I had to "create" this day. Luke is out of school for the entire week (what the school district calls ski week.... Weird), so I took the next two days off and took Colby and Caleb out of school too. We are here together to refresh.

There is much to be refreshed, but mostly my spirit. I have been grumpy, both at home and at the school. Grumpy is not who I am, so I figured it was time to take some time. I plan to spend much of this time talking to the Lord about balancing life. I want ME to re-surface again. I desire this grumpy, short (not in stature) and irritable person residing in me to completely disappear!

Admittedly so, my time with the Lord hasn't been what it should be lately. There have been a few projects at school that have required more effort, time and planning from me. Baseball season has started.  Three boys... All playing baseball this year = WOW! Enough said about that. My idea of time with the Lord has been rolling over at zero dark thirty, picking up my copy of 'My Utmost for his Highest' from my night stand and reading the days page. I quickly end it with prayer and move on to the shower. Sad, isn't it?

I have received my rude awakening. I have been reminded that I cannot make it through this life without Him. He is life. Simple as that. When I don't start my day WITH Him, little by little, I start to feel suffocated by this life. When I felt up to my neck in pain last week, I decided that I needed this time to re-unite... I guess a retreat of sorts.

I have spent the sweetest time during the past few days reuniting with my Father... My Daddy. He has accepted me firmly back into His grip. He never let go in the first place. I did. It is my prayer that I stay here. I pray that I remember where wandering gets me. I pray that I will be transformed after this time of retreat.

The sounds inside of my home bring joy to me. These sounds remind me of a sweet and simpler time. The sounds also remind me that there is purpose for new sounds now.... Or more commonly, a completely quiet and still house. The Lord has us where He wants us. It is my job to be where He wants me to be with the right attitude, the right spirit.

Thank you Lord, for this time of refreshment. Thank you for the sounds inside of my home... The sounds of yesterday, today and tomorrow.