Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A Grateful Heart

My day is coming to a close. I am tired. Actually, I am tired of being tired.

But such is life.

The days are all so busy that they seem to collide with each other faster and without pausing. My days are so much different than they used to be. They seem so calculated... Predictable.

The alarm clock sounds.

I set my feet on the cold floor, only to be stunned that it's time to do it all again.

I go through the morning rituals of preparations for the day... Wash, brush, apply, etcetera.

The boys and I all pile into the van and we head out in to our separate, yet also connected daily journeys.

I enter a classroom full of children that make my insides smile. They need me, and I have discovered that I need them too. They teach me as I teach them.

When the school bells sound, I gather all of my men (big and small-ish) and we playfully talk about our day's journeys. It is all so good.

It is good because I am grateful. I am grateful because I have it all. Really... I do.

I have got to be the richest woman alive! Is my life perfect? No, it is far from that. Grace allows me to see past all of the imperfections though, and into a life that is blessed beyond measure with everything that I had ever hoped for... And so much more.

So although I am tired of being tired, and even though it will all begin again in just a few hours... I go to bed tonight with a grateful heart.

Grateful for ALL of it.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

When There Is Hurt

Matthew 18:21, 22

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
   Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy seven times."

People hurt people. For years, I have processed being hurt by people in different ways. I have tried many techniques, only to find that there is only one that heals.

The past two days I have slowly crawled into the lap of my Father. He has pulled me in close. He is healing my wounds. He is whispering into the depths of my soul that I have to forgive in order for the wounds to close. My wounds are fresh and wide open, but I know with time there will be nothing left of them. The Father heals as I reside with Him.

Several years ago I heard a pastor speak about forgiveness. This message is one that has stuck hard with me. He told us that we are required to forgive, but we are not required to let the person who continually hurts to come back and hurt more. Even though I have been hurt to inner parts this week by this person, I feel free too. I know now that I do not have to let this person continue to come back in. There is closure. There will be forgiveness as I let the Father breathe into me His grace and mercy. That same grace and mercy will spill from me and out to others. I will be free of all of it soon.

This brings me such peace today as I have these sweet conversations with my Jesus. I'm grateful that I no longer search for other things to bring me comfort... When there is hurt...

Jesus heals.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

So Long

It's been so long since I've been here.

It's been so long since I have sat long enough to really think.

It's been so long since I've gathered enough words to write that would make any sense at all.

It's been SO long!

An unexpected clump of time has found me here tonight though, so I sit with my lap top in a cozy corner of my living room. Everything outside oozes the arrival of fall. It took awhile this year. As I gaze out upon the panoramic view of the hills and the lake from my living room window tonight, I cannot believe my eyes! The trees appear to be glowing they are so vividly bright. The sky is gray with a solid line of an orange sunset at the bottom of the horizon. It's all amazingly GORGEOUS! The air is crisp too. It's no longer warm enough to wear just a t-shirt outside and be comfortable. My sock drawer has been revisited this week while my flip flops have found their way to the back of my closet. I refuse to live as the native Californians do and freeze my tootsies off during the cooler seasons! All of these hints of this new season reminds me of one thing...

My season of hibernation is coming up. Baseball is soon to be over and there are only a couple more weeks of soccer. I enjoy watching my boys play their sports, but this time of year has become a real treat for me too. I LOVE my months of lingering Saturdays and slower meals around the table with my family during the week. As a family we have learned our seasons well. We have mastered the skill of dividing and conquering during the busy times, and we have perfected our season of hibernation too. We have learned the art of balance. Such an art it is too. With a family of three boys, it took us awhile to get where we are... It wasn't easy. At times, it still isn't. Once in awhile, temptation rears it's ugly face and tries to take hold. I think back to last spring when we let one of the boys try out for a year around sport. In the end, they didn't have enough boys to make a team, so it didn't work out. There was disappointment of course, but now? Now we are thankful. We are thankful for the Lord's continuing protection of us... Of our time. He knows best.

I hope to have more stolen moments of time to sit and get cozy while writing during this season. There is much on my heart, but the words are still in a rather scattered state. They will come together though. They always do. For now I am going to just bask in this moment of fall and the reminders of all that is lovely about it right now and in the days to come.