Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Story Continues

I have been withholding information.

A couple of months ago, we were informed of a house in our area that would soon be vacant. It is currently being lived in. Some friends from church have made it their home for a couple of years now. On a Saturday morning awhile back, this friend called me to tell me that they would be moving. I quickly responded with specific prayers that we would be offering during their moving process. About mid-conversation, he asked me, "Wait, aren't you guys looking for another house to rent?" I told him that we were, but that God had put it on our hearts to stay put and get comfortable. I told him about the fact that even as we spoke on the phone in that moment, my boys were busy moving furniture and clothing from room to room as we had decided to make things a little more comfy for all of them. This friend (I'll refer to him as 'G') told me that we should consider renting the house that they had been living in when they moved in July. Hmmm.... Our lease in this house is officially up in July. Was this something we were supposed to look at, even after we thought we had heard it so clearly from the God that we should stay? I told G that I would talk to Hubby and we would pray.

Fast forward about two months.

We are moving in to this home in two weeks. Of course, it wouldn't be ours if not for the story attached, so grab your cup of coffee and read on....

We went to the property management company and filled out all of the necessary paper work after deciding that this home isn't something we went looking for, it came looking for us. Maybe that's just how the Lord wants it. He wanted to see us surrender our future more and put our trust more in Him. The PMC told us that nothing else could be done until we were thirty days out from our friends' move date. At the time, they would contact the owner and run all of our information by him to get final approval of our moving in. The thirty day mark came.... And it went. Our friends put their final notice in, but the owner took many days to get back to the PMC. After finally contacting them, he informed them that he was talking with realtors now about selling instead of continuing to rent it out. WHAT?? For some reason, we have this incredible history of finding these kinds of scenarios in our area! I lost it.

I have held my cool pretty well in the past when coming across these kinds of disappointments, but not this time. I was angry, and I was hurt. I felt like this carrot had been hung right in front of my nose only to taunt me. I had finally come to understand and accept that this home where we are at now would be home for another two years. I had come up with new ideas to make it home. I was okay with it before the carrot was hung. Now I was just confused on what the purpose in this was.

I went to bible study that night (against my wishes, really). I wasn't going to share with the ladies there because quite frankly, I'm tired of sounding like a discontented whiner. I almost felt foolish for even going forward with the idea of moving again when we already have a home. The palms of my hands became clammy (which ALWAYS means that I'm supposed to share) so I shared. It came out in the form of sobbing really, and then I felt even more stupid! These ladies are quite the saints though. They had just the right things to share, even the hard things that I needed to hear. I went home that night feeling blessed.

The next morning I took the kids to school and came home. I cleaned the house and re-arranged again. I saw that I had e-mail, but I put that off. After awhile, I sat on the couch and fell apart again as I spoke aloud to the Lord. I desperately felt that I needed him to show me what this was all about. After a bit, I went to my e-mail. Waiting for me there was this sweet devotional from one of my friends at bible study the night before. The devotion was about surrender and waiting. Wow... His timing is NEVER off, is it? The devotion used an illustration about the eagle. It told of how the eagle has a long life span, but about half way through it's life, it must go through a process where it literally sits in it's nest and plucks it's feathers, yanks it's talons out and then pecks it's own beak off. It does all of this to experience new growth. Once this I would assume, painful process is finished, it is a new bird that goes on to live the other half of it's very long life. Great story! Apparently, I had some plucking to do. I was immediately thankful for a God who heard me and supplied me with exactly what I needed... The purpose.

Two days later I'm at the dog park with my boys and dogs. My Hubby called while I was there to tell me that the owner changed his mind about selling... The house is ours! At first I don't even know what to feel. In some ways, I feel like I am un-deserving because I threw this little fit like a two year old. In some ways I feel like I don't even believe it. Then, in other ways, I feel and KNOW that God had it planned like this from the beginning. The purpose is still there... To show me where my new growth still needed to take place. As I sit in the PMC office a few days later signing all of the paper work, I look down at the address of my soon to be new home. I had never really looked at it before. The name of the street seemed to just stare me in the face. I couldn't believe it, and my eyes started to get wet. Without putting my exact address on the WWW, I can share with you that the name of the street is Eagles Nest. Did you just get the same goose bumps that I got? God is pretty amazing! No, not really. He is AWESOMELY AMAZING! He gave me my own nest to continue my plucking and pecking. If not for the WHOLE story, there would be none of this. I stand in awe... Truly.

Today I sit here among boxes again. A sight that has become all too familiar, but not without purpose.

The story continues....

Friday, June 22, 2012

Food and baseball.... All they need.

The boys have more boys over tonight hanging out in front of the TV and sleeping in a tent. Tomorrow we go tubing on the lake. Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE boys! They are so doggone easy... :)

pS. That's root beer that they are drinking!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Summer time is for remembering....

  by Zoomama3
, a photo by Zoomama3 on Flickr.

Remembering how to live with wreck less abandon in a spirit full of thanksgiving!

Remembering the gifts.

Remembering how to live with my hands open and fingers pointed out.... Not in.

Remembering eucharisteo!

Thursday, June 14, 2012


In less than 48 hours, my oldest will be turning fifteen. Ugh... Such an ugly number, don't you think? I mean, from a mother's perspective of course.

Fifteen means it's the last year that he won't be driving. I actually enjoy driving my boys around to all of their activities... It's when we have our best talks.

Fifteen means only two more birthdays before he's pronounced a legal adult.

Fifteen means even MORE girls will be trying to knock down our doors.

Maybe I should stop lingering in the aisle of negative and focus more on everything beautiful though...

Fifteen means he's learning more about the art of becoming more charming and gentle-manly.

Fifteen means he has perfected the skill of taking care of his Mama. { Just the other day, he texted me and told me to pick him up from school coming the back way because he heard drag racing on the main street }

Fifteen means he's more attentive to the cost of living. He doesn't ask for anything designer or anything expensive. He's a bargain hunter... Just like his Mom!

Fifteen means that he has opportunities almost every day to stand up for his beliefs in Jesus.... And he seizes those opportunities!

It's a bittersweet thing watching your baby grow. Bitter because the time goes so fast and those days of sitting in the sand box together get further behind us. Sweet because we get to witness this little being grow into a real person... And when you see so much good, it's hard not to want to see more as they continue to grow.

Lucas, I adore you so much! You continue to live up to the meaning of your name "The light". Your light shines so deeply into my heart, as well as the hearts of others that know you. I pray many things for you each day. This year, my prayers will be focused on you having your true confidence in the Lord. I pray that His voice will remain to be the loudest and strongest voice that you hear when you are faced with making decisions of all kinds. I pray that as you continue to mature, that the path that the Lord sets before you will be clear to you... Even if it's a path that looks challenging and tough to conquer. I know you can!

Happy birthday son... I love you. ~

Thursday, June 7, 2012

His Face

Seek my face, and you will find fulfillment of your deepest longings. My world is filled with beautiful things; they are meant to be pointers to Me, reminders of My abiding Presence. The earth still declares My Glory to those who have eyes that see and ears that hear.

You had a darkened mind before you sought Me wholeheartedly. I chose to pour My Light into you, so that you can be a beacon to others. There is no room for pride in this position. Your part is to reflect My Glory. I am Lord! ~ Jesus Calling {June 6}

I started this week with a mind that was darkened. As I chose to let the Lord's Glory shine into me, I could literally FEEL my eyes and ears begin to open to what God has for me. I am a person who mostly speaks to God quietly. I might pray silently, or meditate while driving. I write my prayers down on paper. Sometimes I talk to the Lord while singing, but that's about as loud as I normally get with my conversations with Him. The other day I sat on my couch in the complete quiet of a house empty of all others. I sat there and I completely lost it. I began to cry out to Him. My voice was loud and filled with emotion as I talked to HIm and told him of all of my failures, all of my gratitude for Him and the grace that He allows me, and all of my requests for a change of my heart. As my step sister put it in a post here, I want to die to self and live more freely in His presence. I want to be in communion with Him. When I am there, I am less concerned about here.

What gets in the way of my being there?


My thinking that I need this, or that I deserve that prevents me from achieving total communion and rest. For many months now, I have felt a stirring in my life. Everything that I have known and felt comfort with has gradually been stripped. It has been easy for me to feel pity on myself because of this. I get angry and experience hurt when I think of everything that I have "lost". I start the vicious circle of questioning all of the whys. The root of all of this is pride though. As Jesus Calling so simply put it in yesterday's devotion... There is no room for pride in my position.

I am one who has known who Jesus is since a very young age. I have known who He is, and I have seen and felt who He is as I have developed a relationship with my Jesus through womanhood. Jesus has called me into a position where I am supposed to be a beacon to others. The circumstances that surround me from my past to this present time are circumstances that He has given so that I would have stories to share of Him and His goodness and faithfulness.

There is a lot that doesn't make sense right now. As my mom pointed out just this week though... There have been other times in my life when things just didn't make sense either. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't understand all of the whys! Today I do though. Today those circumstances from the past make sense to me, and because of that, I know that today's circumstances will one day make sense also. Do I need to worry about making sense now? No. Should I let pride ruin my opportunity to be the beacon that God has made of me? No.

When I seek His face, there is rest.

When I seek His face, pride melts away.

When I seek His face, the story unfolds and my hands are open instead of clenched.

This life is a gift.

Every. Single. Chapter. Of. It.