So here we are... In what we have affectionately come to call our "glorified apartment". It is pretty much just that. It has officially been one month since our move. I purposely waited a month to sit and gather my thoughts about it and write. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to just use my keyboard here to type out a million and one complaints.
Everyday that I spend here, I find many things that draw me away. I admitted to my hubby over the weekend that it has been a challenge for me to find reasons (other than my work) to NOT be home. It's easy for me to become a little depressed about it I guess. That, and it's just so small. Copper and I constantly struggle with each other for space to move around during the day when there are no other bodies but me and the furry ones.
But then the boys come home... Everything changes.
My attitude becomes a bit sunnier and it feels like home. The house suddenly erupts with laughter and activity. It feels good.
There are things about this house that are weird. Things that are broken, with no future of being repaired. The dining room has no light. We stuck a floor lamp next to the table, but the ceilings are vaulted in there, so the floor lamp doesn't help much. In the middle of my dining room table there now sits a big candle. We have candle lit dinners every night now. It's actually become pretty sweet. the younger boys race to the candle every night in hopes that they will be the one that gets to play with fire. Our dinner time has become more relaxed and we linger a bit longer. Is it the candle? I am able to see and feel the gift in having no light in the dining room.
About a week after we moved in the dishwasher broke. The land lord has no plans to have it fixed or have it replaced. Soooo..... That means Dawn (as in liquid dish soap) and I have become the best of friends. She and I stand at the sink several times a day and have therapy sessions. There's something about washing dishes by hand. Seriously. It is so cleansing, on many levels. I traveled through the stages of grief over losing my dishwasher, but in the end I am ALMOST grateful for this inconvenience during this stage of life.
Every night I get to hear my boys talking and laughing from their tiny dorm. They are so funny, these boys. They are growing and changing so fast. Because of the limited vastness of this place, I don't feel like I miss anything. I see it all. I AM grateful for that... SO GRATEFUL!
The television isn't on hardly at all these days. There are more books on the coffee table and there are board games lying about. There is music coming from the piano and the guitars. This "glorified apartment" has become more like our summer cottage. Where we all come at the end of the day to just be. Be here... Be together. This house, I have come to appreciate, is refining us. Who could ask for more than that?
When we move out and into our God willing "final home" before GOING home, we will be better because of this place with no dining room light, no dishwasher, and limited space. Our family will have more connection. We will know each other like never before.
Thank you, Lord... For this Diamond in the Rough.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
These Days
Days of measuring out medicine.
Days of supplying kleenex in bulk.
Days of holding and praying as we wish for better days of feeling well again.
These past few days our home has been struck by one very nasty germ! I could go into song with complaining. I couldtell you how awful it has been... especially since it got me too (on Valentine's Day no less). I won't do that though. Instead I will tell you a different story.
It has been a sweet time of catching up together. It has been a time of watching movies on the couch together. A time of playing a few quiet games. A time of chatting about things... Deep things. A time of being blessed by my husband as he tends to things that he normally doesn't count as part of his own typical day.... And then some.
Today Caleb and I are home. Luke finally felt well enough to go back to school. Caleb lies on the couch looking out the living room window.
"Mom, lay here.... Just like I am."
He gets up and points for me. Tells me where to put my elbow and focus my gaze. I look.
"Do you see it? The tree out there has branches that form the shape of a heart."
I see what has caught his eye. I see it, and I see his heart. I tell him how very neat it is that he saw it.... Explain that a lot of people might miss it, but he stayed quiet long enough and gazed hard enough to see something very beautiful.
That's how things have been here for the past week or so. We have stayed quiet long enough and we have gazed hard enough to see the beautiful in the ordinary days of sickness. I am grateful for the ability.
I am grateful for the reminder from my 10 year old Caleb today.
Days of supplying kleenex in bulk.
Days of holding and praying as we wish for better days of feeling well again.
These past few days our home has been struck by one very nasty germ! I could go into song with complaining. I couldtell you how awful it has been... especially since it got me too (on Valentine's Day no less). I won't do that though. Instead I will tell you a different story.
It has been a sweet time of catching up together. It has been a time of watching movies on the couch together. A time of playing a few quiet games. A time of chatting about things... Deep things. A time of being blessed by my husband as he tends to things that he normally doesn't count as part of his own typical day.... And then some.
Today Caleb and I are home. Luke finally felt well enough to go back to school. Caleb lies on the couch looking out the living room window.
"Mom, lay here.... Just like I am."
He gets up and points for me. Tells me where to put my elbow and focus my gaze. I look.
"Do you see it? The tree out there has branches that form the shape of a heart."
I see what has caught his eye. I see it, and I see his heart. I tell him how very neat it is that he saw it.... Explain that a lot of people might miss it, but he stayed quiet long enough and gazed hard enough to see something very beautiful.
That's how things have been here for the past week or so. We have stayed quiet long enough and we have gazed hard enough to see the beautiful in the ordinary days of sickness. I am grateful for the ability.
I am grateful for the reminder from my 10 year old Caleb today.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Trust
This morning I am in my quiet house still putting things away after making the big move. I have my music tuned to a Pandora station while I work. Every song is hand picked for me today it seems. I must take a break from what I'm busy doing and make note of what is going on within hearts today.
'Tis So Sweet to Trust In Jesus.... It is Well with My Soul... Be Thou My Vision.... Etc.
Having a teenager is challenging, but not in the ways that most people warned me about when my belly was big with the babes growing within. The challenges come from having to stand and watch them struggle through this thing called life. They have to figure things out and learn things the hard way sometimes. I don't like to see my children hurt though. I don't think any mother does. Adults can be so difficult sometimes. I often wonder if some of them are stuck in their teenage years STILL! The popularity contests do not stop in some adults apparently. The have their favorites on the baseball field. It doesn't matter if one of the boys has been at a three hour practice and hit every ball except for one and caught every ball except for one. It doesn't matter that this boy is the first to grab the rake and start cleaning up the field when practice is over either. Skills and character only go so far with some I guess. This is where it gets challenging for me.
Watching... Watching him struggle through finding his way. Then, I read our devotional at the breakfast table this morning. It was about trusting and seeking. Trusting that hardship is placed with purpose. The purpose being to seek Him more. To find him as Treasure! Hardship brings MORE skill, MORE character. We prayed, my boys and I. Then, I took them to school for another day of academics, play and competitiveness on the baseball field.
I came home and these songs fill my home with remembrance of our time this morning. Our time of learning to trust more and seek Him more.
Thank you Jesus. Thank you for grace. Thank you for times like these that we all learn together. Please give my boys a peace about who they are and what they were created for. May YOU always be their source of confidence. ~
'Tis So Sweet to Trust In Jesus.... It is Well with My Soul... Be Thou My Vision.... Etc.
Having a teenager is challenging, but not in the ways that most people warned me about when my belly was big with the babes growing within. The challenges come from having to stand and watch them struggle through this thing called life. They have to figure things out and learn things the hard way sometimes. I don't like to see my children hurt though. I don't think any mother does. Adults can be so difficult sometimes. I often wonder if some of them are stuck in their teenage years STILL! The popularity contests do not stop in some adults apparently. The have their favorites on the baseball field. It doesn't matter if one of the boys has been at a three hour practice and hit every ball except for one and caught every ball except for one. It doesn't matter that this boy is the first to grab the rake and start cleaning up the field when practice is over either. Skills and character only go so far with some I guess. This is where it gets challenging for me.
Watching... Watching him struggle through finding his way. Then, I read our devotional at the breakfast table this morning. It was about trusting and seeking. Trusting that hardship is placed with purpose. The purpose being to seek Him more. To find him as Treasure! Hardship brings MORE skill, MORE character. We prayed, my boys and I. Then, I took them to school for another day of academics, play and competitiveness on the baseball field.
I came home and these songs fill my home with remembrance of our time this morning. Our time of learning to trust more and seek Him more.
Thank you Jesus. Thank you for grace. Thank you for times like these that we all learn together. Please give my boys a peace about who they are and what they were created for. May YOU always be their source of confidence. ~
Friday, February 3, 2012
Boxes of Blessings
We are blessed.
Yes, we are moving again in less than 24 hours, but we are blessed.
We are blessed because we do not travel alone. We do not carry sickness with us. We do not pack boxes of burdens... Only boxes of blessings. Boxes of smiles because high school is good now. Boxes of night time boy laughter coming from the room that they will share. Boxes of rest for my Love as the rent is lower, thus allowing us to save more for our next home purchase. Boxes of peace and a closer togetherness... Good for a Mama's heart.
Excited to find out what life will be like in this new place, but at the same time, knowing it won't be much different at all. We have each other and that's what counts. I have been reminded on several levels lately of the importance of the important.
The Lord has been teaching, and I have been better about learning... Growth. Finally.
Grateful for the moments of my own growth, and grateful also for the moments that I've witnessed growth in my family. God is faithful... Always.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Journey
I am trying something new. I am posting this using my new iPad that my honey bought me for Christmas. That means that my middle finger of my right hand is gaining new muscle above the rest of my fingers. :0) Touch pad is tricky, people.
So the other day I was thinking about this journey we have been on.... New schools, new homes, new friends, etcetera. This question popped into my head...
Where are we journeying TO?
The quickest answer I came to was, well, our final destination of course.... Our "final" home, school,etc.. But then I began to hear something else whispered in my ear. This journey that I am on, that my husband and our three sweet boys are on.... It's a journey to knowing and trusting Christ more. At the end of all of this we will ALL have a different relationship with Jesus. We are learning to let Him walk ahead of us each day. We are learning to hold His hand. We are learning that our ways aren't always His ways.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Be thankful in everything, for this is christ's will for you.
We are learning to find gratitude in all circumstances. Gratitude in boxes being packed and unpacked again. Gratitude in being the new kid on campus half way through freshman year. Gratitude brings worship, and worship brings hope.
Hope brings strength.
The journey continues and it remains sweet. Thank you all for your prayers. They are felt EVERY day!
So the other day I was thinking about this journey we have been on.... New schools, new homes, new friends, etcetera. This question popped into my head...
Where are we journeying TO?
The quickest answer I came to was, well, our final destination of course.... Our "final" home, school,etc.. But then I began to hear something else whispered in my ear. This journey that I am on, that my husband and our three sweet boys are on.... It's a journey to knowing and trusting Christ more. At the end of all of this we will ALL have a different relationship with Jesus. We are learning to let Him walk ahead of us each day. We are learning to hold His hand. We are learning that our ways aren't always His ways.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Be thankful in everything, for this is christ's will for you.
We are learning to find gratitude in all circumstances. Gratitude in boxes being packed and unpacked again. Gratitude in being the new kid on campus half way through freshman year. Gratitude brings worship, and worship brings hope.
Hope brings strength.
The journey continues and it remains sweet. Thank you all for your prayers. They are felt EVERY day!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Sovereign Presence
" Approach this day with awareness of who is boss. As you make plans for the day, remember that it is I who orchestrate the events of your life. On days when things go smoothly, according to your plans, you may be unaware of My sovereign Presence. On days when your plans are thwarted, be on the lookout for Me! I may be doing something important in your life, something quite different from what you expected. It is essential at such times to stay in communication with Me, accepting My way as better than yours. Don't try to figure out what is happening. Simply trust Me and thank Me in advance for the good that will come out of it all. I know the plans I have for you, and they are good."~ Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
I have spent my entire morning driving from one high school to withdraw Lucas to another high school where we enrolled him. We have prayed continuously over this decision. It is not a decision that we came to quickly or that we have taken lightly. Last night, this was our daily devotional. We read it as a family and I could not help but KNOW that these are the words that the Lord wanted me to hear over and over in my head as I went about my day today going forward with multitudes of paperwork for Lucas' transfer.
He starts at his new school tomorrow. Please pray for him.
I have spent my entire morning driving from one high school to withdraw Lucas to another high school where we enrolled him. We have prayed continuously over this decision. It is not a decision that we came to quickly or that we have taken lightly. Last night, this was our daily devotional. We read it as a family and I could not help but KNOW that these are the words that the Lord wanted me to hear over and over in my head as I went about my day today going forward with multitudes of paperwork for Lucas' transfer.
He starts at his new school tomorrow. Please pray for him.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tender Hearts
"Mom, will you read me a story tonight?"
We snuggle deep inside the gift of warm blankets. Just he and I. I hold his favorite. A big yellow hard bound collection of Curious George. As I read, I'm also thinking.... Remembering.
We get to page five and he stops me.
"Mom, do you think when I get older and I'm a dad that 'The man with the yellow hat' will have a name? Will he be called something different?"
I chuckle and then give him an unexpected answer. No, his name will still be 'The man with the yellow hat'. That's what it's always been... Even since I was a young girl reading these very same books.
His eyes grow large as he tries to picture me as one his own age, snuggled in tight with his Grandma or Papa. I get distracted as I watch him smile. We finish reading and then I just hold him tight. He's the youngest. The other two have stopped asking me to read to them. Caleb asks still, and I am thrilled.
Such a sweet and innocent heart beats inside the chest of my youngest man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The boys and I travel up the highway a bit to visit a place that has become special. It's a home for patients who have been diagnosed with severe memory loss. I consider it to be one of the sweetest places I know. We walk in with Lucy (our small poodle) marching in front of us. They know our faces and ask if we would like the code to get in and out of the door since we are "regulars" now. I feel a sense of honor. Through this big secure door we walk into a different world. Everyone is happy... Over joyed actually. They love to see children and pets too. Nobody appears to be sick. There are only smiles and greetings. Several greetings. They may have just said hello and met you with names, but by the time introductions are over, they have forgotten and the introductions start all over again.
We find ourselves in the dining room soon. I circle the room. I bend on one knee and take the hands of many, one at a time, and tell them how they bless my life just by knowing them. Lucas and Colby go to the beautiful grand piano that stands in the corner. They sit down and play a few fun things for these people who have stolen our hearts. The people applaud and the boys laugh. Caleb leads Lucy around the room and brings more smiles to faces as Lucy gets spoiled with hugs. Lucas and Colby spread their charm person to person. They sit and listen as the stories begin to spill from the residents' minds. They aren't the best at remembering two minutes ago, but they remember two decades ago like it was just yesterday. The history that is within these walls is remarkable! As conversations unfold, the sound of piano keys fills the room again. I look to the piano and see that one of the patients is playing. What a treat! I am told by the director that 'M' doesn't play anymore. She used to sing opera and she used to play the piano non-stop, but she can no longer read music and she cannot remember any music either. This is a rare moment. The boys smile, knowing that they had something to do with it since they had just played at that same piano. A lump forms well within my throat as I see the effect that these people have had on the hearts of my children.
Their hearts are tender. Their world is bigger as they are witnessing a community of people who are tucked safely into this very blessed home made especially for them. My boys ask to go visit this place. They even have "favorites" that they like to sit and chat with. The boys know that they will not be remembered from one visit to the next, but that doesn't matter to them. They just want to go and love these people. Oh, and may I just say how these people love them back! It is a sight to behold.
We leave through the big door and load into the car. The boys grab my cell phone and call their dad to tell them all the new stories and memories of the day. I drive back down the highway, leaving a bit of me behind within those walls. They steal hearts there, ya' know.
We will go back. It won't be long before they ask me to take them back, and we will travel up the highway again.
We snuggle deep inside the gift of warm blankets. Just he and I. I hold his favorite. A big yellow hard bound collection of Curious George. As I read, I'm also thinking.... Remembering.
We get to page five and he stops me.
"Mom, do you think when I get older and I'm a dad that 'The man with the yellow hat' will have a name? Will he be called something different?"
I chuckle and then give him an unexpected answer. No, his name will still be 'The man with the yellow hat'. That's what it's always been... Even since I was a young girl reading these very same books.
His eyes grow large as he tries to picture me as one his own age, snuggled in tight with his Grandma or Papa. I get distracted as I watch him smile. We finish reading and then I just hold him tight. He's the youngest. The other two have stopped asking me to read to them. Caleb asks still, and I am thrilled.
Such a sweet and innocent heart beats inside the chest of my youngest man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The boys and I travel up the highway a bit to visit a place that has become special. It's a home for patients who have been diagnosed with severe memory loss. I consider it to be one of the sweetest places I know. We walk in with Lucy (our small poodle) marching in front of us. They know our faces and ask if we would like the code to get in and out of the door since we are "regulars" now. I feel a sense of honor. Through this big secure door we walk into a different world. Everyone is happy... Over joyed actually. They love to see children and pets too. Nobody appears to be sick. There are only smiles and greetings. Several greetings. They may have just said hello and met you with names, but by the time introductions are over, they have forgotten and the introductions start all over again.
We find ourselves in the dining room soon. I circle the room. I bend on one knee and take the hands of many, one at a time, and tell them how they bless my life just by knowing them. Lucas and Colby go to the beautiful grand piano that stands in the corner. They sit down and play a few fun things for these people who have stolen our hearts. The people applaud and the boys laugh. Caleb leads Lucy around the room and brings more smiles to faces as Lucy gets spoiled with hugs. Lucas and Colby spread their charm person to person. They sit and listen as the stories begin to spill from the residents' minds. They aren't the best at remembering two minutes ago, but they remember two decades ago like it was just yesterday. The history that is within these walls is remarkable! As conversations unfold, the sound of piano keys fills the room again. I look to the piano and see that one of the patients is playing. What a treat! I am told by the director that 'M' doesn't play anymore. She used to sing opera and she used to play the piano non-stop, but she can no longer read music and she cannot remember any music either. This is a rare moment. The boys smile, knowing that they had something to do with it since they had just played at that same piano. A lump forms well within my throat as I see the effect that these people have had on the hearts of my children.
Their hearts are tender. Their world is bigger as they are witnessing a community of people who are tucked safely into this very blessed home made especially for them. My boys ask to go visit this place. They even have "favorites" that they like to sit and chat with. The boys know that they will not be remembered from one visit to the next, but that doesn't matter to them. They just want to go and love these people. Oh, and may I just say how these people love them back! It is a sight to behold.
We leave through the big door and load into the car. The boys grab my cell phone and call their dad to tell them all the new stories and memories of the day. I drive back down the highway, leaving a bit of me behind within those walls. They steal hearts there, ya' know.
We will go back. It won't be long before they ask me to take them back, and we will travel up the highway again.
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