While you sit there waiting... Watching, hearing, saying the name of Jesus a million times in your head as well as aloud, it's hard to believe that anything with purpose or beauty will come of this day.
But as sure as I am here typing these words on this day, I know that God will bring beauty from the dust.
Two days ago a man a woman with what seems like nothing but violence on their minds blew through our town. It started a county away, and ended right here, less than a block away from where my oldest was sitting in a dark, motionless, and silent room on school lockdown. Scary day.
There is no preparation for getting that computerized phone call informing you that your child is in danger. There is no preparation for that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach while your husband is out in the thick of it all with all of the many other law enforcement officers. The panic hits hard. All of the many times that you have told yourself that you can be still and know that He is in control comes down to this moment, and failure is once again the winner.
Two days ago two deputies lost their lives. Two wives, two sets of children, two sets of parents, siblings, etc. were met with the reality that their loved one wasn't coming through the door at the end of their shift. My heart is heavy with this reality. My head is spinning with the truth that I have been spared from this sort of tragedy for over 22 years.
My son was held in that dark classroom for over four hours. His class was told that they were the closest to where this dangerously armed man was, so they had to remain completely silent for the entire time to avoid further danger. I texted him several times, each time he sounded completely at rest... Without any type of worry. Thankfully, that gene of mine skipped him. He was confident. He was untouched by what was really happening. I didn't realize what a blessing to me that was until yesterday. As a mother, the last thing you want to do is send your child into danger. You don't want to think that anywhere they go that is supposed to be safe will turn un-safe. You hate to picture your child being afraid... at all. Through the texts from my son, I was also spared from feeling that he was fearful of the danger occurring right outside the door of his classroom. I know it was much more than that though... It was more than texts from him. It was the evidence of the Holy Spirit who lives inside of him! That's where his confidence came from.... It came from his Father!
It was a horrible day, yet already I have this overwhelming feeling that God is working and the mounds of dust will clear and we will see this beauty unveil itself... A beauty unlike anything we've known before.
God is always good, always sovereign, always love. Forever.