Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Love. It's a four letter word that is profoundly amazing to me. It carries so much meaning in just four little letters. It tells a story. I have a story to tell...

God loves me. He loves me when I'm sitting in my chair with my bible and cup of coffee adoring Him. Bigger than that... He loves me when I have not been so good at showing my love for HIm. He has loved me when I have rejected Him. There was a time in my life when I was so full of anger, disappointment, and hurt that I turned my back on the one who knew about all that pain and suffering... and He knew there would be purpose in it.

I stayed in that "place" for awhile. I expected to feel alone, but I truly never did. I think one of the reasons I went there was BECAUSE I wanted to be alone. My heavenly Father never granted me that wish though. He knew (once again) what I needed. He faithfully sat by my side and waited for me to invite Him back in so that He could heal me. When I eventually offered Him that invitation, the healing came. As the healing came... so did the purpose. God's love is faithful AND amazing!

The pain that I'm speaking of came from the loss of our first two sons that were born too soon. After losing Kyle (our second born son), I laid in my hospital bed and informed my husband that I couldn't step back into church since it was beyond me WHY a God who loves me could "do this to me" a second time. I begged God to make it different. I pleaded with Him to prove Himself real to me by waking me from this nightmare. What I didn't realize then was that THROUGH this experience, He would become more real to me than ever... and my relationship with Him would change forever. Every circumstance that I face now is different because God made himself real to me THEN and taught me that life's hurts can also bring goodness. God's love is powerful.

In the end, God granted me my deepest desire... to be a mommy. I am reminded everyday of God's faithfulness in my life. As I look into the eyes of my children and experience their love, I receive God's faithful, amazing and powerful love. As I spend my quiet time with Him, adoring Him and the words that He has for me in the bible... I experience His sacrificial love. As I look back and think about all the times when He has drawn me in when I was trying my best to pull away, I feel like the luckiest girl on the earth to have been so sought after and LOVED.

My Father in heaven IS that four letter word. He IS love! He is the creator of everything. He is what makes love possible and ultimately, it is He who makes love so beautiful.


Talysa said...

Great post!

The Holbrook Family said...

Hello friend,
I just want to say that I love you! Happy Valentine's Day...a day late :0) The Lord bless you and your sweet fam.