It's been a tough couple of weeks. I haven't wanted to come here and write because I honestly haven't felt like I had much positive to say... Even after that last post that so many found uplifting. I guess this proves I'm human.... Not perfect in any way after all. I still feel everything that I wrote about last. None of that was made up or written so to sound like someone I am not. In life there is an eb and flow. I experience both all the time.
I have written here before that sometimes the Lord puts just one single word on my heart and in my head. I used to pray that God would send me billboards that would clearly direct me on my path. I have learned that these words that He gives me are my billboards. I am grateful and humbled each time I receive them. With that being said, my latest billboard is "plan".
I have heard it in song, I have heard it and read it in scripture a lot lately, and yesterday I heard it in my pastor's message.
Many, O Lord, my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell them, they would be too many to declare. ~ Psalm 40:5
My life is but one big blue print.... But not one drawn up by myself. I try to speak with such authority sometimes regarding the things that seem unfair right now.... Things that I do not like. Things that make me completely unhappy. I have let depression not only knock at my door, but I have let it through the door. How easily I forget.
I forget about pain experienced in the past that has brought me to where I am now. I forget about how throughout my entire life, the Lord has blessed me abundantly! I forget that my plan is not his plan. Not only that, but His plan is ALWAYS the better one!!
My prayer on this day and in these days ahead is that I will not forget any longer. I am praying for an attitude change that is clearly felt on the inside and visible on the outside. I no longer want to be a slave to my plan, but I DO want to serve my family and this life according to God's plan. I want to serve with gratitude and a willing heart, knowing that the desires of my heart are not unknown to Him. My desires, as long as they are with right motive, are important to the Lord. I know this and therefore I can let go of the control. I can stop trying to lead my way, and follow His lead in ALL things.