Tuesday, June 29, 2010

In The Middle

I've been thinking a lot lately about my purpose in writing on these pages. It started out as being a way to communicate with friends and relatives that we don't see often. They get a taste of "us" on a semi-regular basis, and the pictures are always a bonus. Then... it became a way to "scrapbook" our lives. I have scrapbooks, but I seem to really stink at keeping up with them. In the midst of all of this, strangers have come to this site and left comments about being "inspired" by something that I wrote. One reader even said that he/she (it was an anonymous comment) had made some life changes based on their thoughts provoked by something I wrote.

Okay... so that is SO NOT what I EVER intended this site to be. BUT....

I won't lie and tell you that I wasn't at all excited about the fact that others enjoy reading what I write. Language arts was always my favorite, but especially the writing. I have kept journals since I was 14 years old. I have always been somewhat of a "deep thinker". Therefore.... During the past couple of weeks, I have stopped to think and pray (while taking MORE cough syrup) about the purpose in these pages.

I will continue to scrapbook. I will keep on journaling our lives so that all of the things that I might otherwise forget will get recorded. While doing this might seem to some like it should just include daily life and pictures, to me... since I am admittedly a deep thinker, it will also include much more. If this is an avenue that God chooses to make my life more missional, then I will consider that a gift and be grateful for the opportunity.

With that... brace yourselves for a long post.

I heard Casting Crowns 'Somewhere In The Middle' on my ipod last night. Like so many times before, I heard this song for the millionth time, but it's meaning just spoke differently to me. I found myself sitting there with this prayerful heart. I considered all that I've ever been, who I am now, and who I will become. I came home and looked back at posts from the beginning of these pages, and I see a person who has experienced HUGE growth. I have moved from the 'Whisper' to the 'Roar'. However, I'm STILL in the middle. I realized after thinking on it for a while that I'm pretty sure that's where I'll always be. Is that a bad thing? Well, I don't think it is. I think it's just where God wants me. Being in the middle means that I am continually seeking Him... wanting more. I am desiring to achieve that deep water faith in the DEEP end instead of the shallow end. And when I achieve that someday, then I will be seeking Him still... wanting to achieve even more.

It's not a bad thing to make goals in life. I have always been encouraged to do so, and I now encourage my boys to do the same. I have learned though, that our goals might not be the same as God's goals for our lives. Something that we see as a small and almost insignificant goal can become a life changing opportunity... IF we don't miss it. It's easy to miss too. It's easy to overlook the obvious and say, "Well, maybe somebody ELSE can handle that, but most certainly NOT me".

After praying about what I was to write today, It became obvious. Today, what I want to share is that each time I step out in obedience of my Creator and go forward with something that I never would have considered for myself, I get closer to the Altar. I get closer to living out God's desires for my life instead of my own dreams for myself.

To me, this deep thinker that I am.... THAT'S a beautiful thing.

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