Sunday, August 14, 2011

Turning Ten

Tomorrow morning I will wake up and my baby will be turning ten years old.

Double digits.

No more single digit children.

That's a hard idea to even try to fall asleep with tonight.

In some ways, I almost feel like Caleb should have two birthdays. The obvious one being August 15th (the day he was born into this world) and the other one being January 15th... The day he won the fight.

On January 7th, 2001 I went to my regularly scheduled OB appointment. On this day, I was supposed to hear his heartbeat for the first time. The doctor squeezed that cold jelly on my tummy and started pushing slightly, then with more force. She tried this way and that. She changed machines half way through. Then, she told me to get dressed and she would come back in. Of course I immediately knew something was wrong. When she entered the room again she sat and very sympathetically told me that it looked as if I had what is called a blighted ovum. She was unable to find a heart beat, and the embryotic sac hadn't grown at all since my previous appointment. This appointment was on a Friday and she gave me the option of having a D&C on the spot there, or waiting through the weekend to see if my body would take care of it on it's own. I asked if there were any more tests we could do. She told me to wait until the following week and if there was still no miscarriage, then she would do some blood tests to check hormone levels.

By Monday, I was still pregnant. I called and we scheduled the blood work. We had to do two separate draws with a day in between to compare the levels. It seemed like there were two WEEKS in between those draws! I still remember it like it was yesterday! Finally, on MY birthday, January 15th 2001 I received the best birthday present a woman could ever ask for. I received news that my hormone levels were still going up! I went into the docs office and she was able to find the heart beat! I was almost 10 weeks pregnant. There should have been a heart beat long before this appointment, but Caleb Ross became the miracle that many prayed for. He fought the fight and he became the warrior that he still is today. From that day on, I knew he would be different. I just didn't know in how many ways.

Caleb was by far the hardest kicker of the three. He actually bruised my tummy from the inside out! I never worried about tracking his movements because they never stopped. He kept me wondering about the little person he was becoming morning, noon and night. I prayed over that big tummy of mine waiting anxiously to meet my next little miracle. When he finally arrived, it was love at first sight. My mommy heart expanded all over again for this little tiny boy who proved miracles do happen.

Tomorrow morning Caleb turns 10. He is still the fighter he has been since that January day. He has a will like no other and I remain confident that God is going to use that will for such HUGE purpose! Caleb's smile can make a whole room of frowns turn upside down. His laughter is absolutely contagious. I simply cannot imagine our lives without him, and I STILL cringe when I think of that option I was given in that Dr.'s office on January 7th, 2001. I thank God that I was raised to have a faith that stood bigger than any human person or idea.

Happy birthday, Caleb. You might be turning ten... Double digits and all, but you will always be our "baby".

I continue to pray that the warrior side of you will be strengthened and used for the glory of God who made you, who formed you beautifully, who gave you life on the exact day... At the exact moment that He saw as perfect.

I love you. ~

1 comment:

AML said...

What a story! Thank you so much for sharing. A very dear friend just went through this EXACT situation last week and is grieving the loss of their baby. Although I don't think it is appropriate for me to share Caleb's story with her, I find it quite timely that God used you to show me how to pray for my friends through this difficult time. Kiss your baby extra tonight.