WOW... what a difference a couple of days can make!
This morning I sat sobbing in my car while on the phone with my mom. Everything that I felt and wrote here just a couple of days ago was temporarily forgotten as I let fear creep in once more. The biggest reason for my tears wasn't even the fear that I was feeling. The tears came because I was in disbelief over the fact that the "surrender" that I felt the other day, the peace? It had taken the back burner to the fear. I was disgusted with myself for letting this happen! Then, my mom reminded me that I am human. Not that that is any excuse. Someday I want to be the kind of woman that stands solidly in her faith system though. I want to be stronger... Wiser. I want to ride the wave without falling off!
We talked with our land lord last night. We will continue our search for a new rental. The word WAIT is still there... It's just not going to be here, in this house. God has a plan still. It's still His and not mine.
Would you please pray for me? Please pray that I will just find rest, and that I will hang onto the words WAIT, SURRENDER, and PEACE. I want to be in that place. I know it's where I'm supposed to be. Pray that I would not let the enemy sneak into every given opportunity and have the victory that he wants. That's what happened today. Oh how I hate giving him any victory over me!
God is still good... All the time.