Have you ever thought about what coming full circle means? I have heard this phrase spoken so many times in my life. It's one of those phrases that I have never really stopped to consider what it really means.
Today though, this phrase has been playing over and over like a broken record in my own head.
Years ago, I was at the top of my circle. Life was good. It was predictable and it was safe. I knew what to expect in my days. I knew who loved me, and I knew who saw my worth. I was young. I was a different person than I am today.
After traveling the circumference of this circle over these years, I have found myself once again at the top. This time, it looks much different.
Life is still very good, but it is not predictable. That's okay though. I have learned that. Predictability makes life boring. Getting up in the morning, reading my bible and having my everyday sweet conversations with Jesus about what the day holds for me is my preference now. He brings surprises sometimes... Surprises that shift life in all sorts of ways. At the end of the day though, He is the same. He is still holding me and guiding my feet and ways.
When compared to many others, my life has always been safe. I don't see that part changing. My opinion on what makes life safe has changed though. It's not the everyday things that make it safe. Life's safety does not depend on where I live, how much money I have, or who thinks I am a good person with worth in whatever area. I have safety in knowing Jesus and putting Him first. I have safety in following Him. I find safety in living my days out with my husband and my three precious gifts... My boys. Someday I may not witness their contagious smiles everyday like I do now. Someday they may choose to make their lives somewhere not close to me. I will rejoice with them! I will rejoice with them as they follow the path that the Lord has set before them. If they choose to travel far, it will not be easy, but I will still feel safe because my worth does not lie in them, and theirs does not lie in me. As we all grow up, we understand more about finding our worth in God alone. That is the safest place to be. The most beautiful place to be.
A little over a month ago, Lucas broke his hand at baseball practice. He was mid-season and he was doing fabulous! He had the highest batting average on the team and he consistently made good, solid outs at third base. His injury was a real shocker! His team's last game was last week. The night before the last game of the season he was visibly upset. I sat by his bed and we had a talk. He was disappointed because he really saw himself finishing up the season with his team. The finality of it all hit him hard. I shared that I was sad for him as well, BUT.... I witnessed things about him that I never would have otherwise.
I saw him come full circle.
Over the years, he has struggled to prove himself and his skills in the game of baseball. It seems that it's harder for the good guy to look like the winner. That title is often times mistakenly given to someone who really doesn't deserve it. Politics are usually to blame. This year though, Luke came out on top. His high school coach texted J late on the evening after Luke broke his hand. The text said that he was really disappointed about Luke's injury. He went on to say that not only was Luke on top as far as productivity in the game, but more than that, he was "good company". Judging by the text, J and I both thought the coach must have thought that Luke would just disappear into the sunset. He didn't. He went to EVERY practice and EVERY game after his break. He couldn't produce runs or outs, but he continued to produce a sense of team work through the use of his voice and his heart. Nobody (including Luke himself) would have seen this part of him without the injury. Luke was back on top of his game during this very last game of the season... And I believe he will continue to stay on top because of what he has learned in this process. He learned that his worth was not just in hitting and catching baseballs. His worth was SO much more!
For me, the top of the circle appears to be so much different than it ever has before. There are still so many uncertainties in my life. Really, there are more than there ever have been. God has shown me that the uncertainties don't matter.... Because the one thing that IS certain is my relationship with Jesus. It is stronger than it ever has been before! It is finally that house built upon the "Rock".
... And the view is amazing from up here.