Friday, May 22, 2009


It's early. The house is quiet, and I'm finding that the heaviness that was on my heart when I went to bed last night is trying to prolong it's stay. I thought I'd do some writing... for therapeutic reasons.

Do you ever feel like Satan is working over time to steal your joy? That's where I'm at right now. There are circumstances around me that are giving me overwhelming feelings of wanting to hide myself in a cave somewhere across the Pacific! I have been reading and meditating on God's Word. I have had friends and family members remind me of important truths. I fell asleep last night while talking to God, and at times feeling like I was going to hyperventilate.

There are mean people in this world. They are manipulative and selfish people who don't care that they steal other people's joy. I honestly don't know how THEY go to sleep at night. Do they know that they make people feel the way they do? Maybe they don't. I'll give them the benefit of doubt... that actually makes ME feel better. After all, It's hard to accept that people would actually desire to treat people this way on PURPOSE!

I have choices to make though. I can choose to LET my joy be stolen and be angry, or to stand up for myself and others and proclaim that God's love for me and my family will overcome anything that others choose to say or do against me.

It's so easy to type... much harder to live out.

I can't help but wonder though... Is this just another one of those areas in which my "Potter" is shaping me? Am I needing refining in the area of forgiveness? Am I quick to anger and give up my joy? I believe the answer to all of these questions is "YES"!

I want to be the kind of mother that my children look at and admire for the quality of abounding joy. I want them to see Jesus living in me. I want them to see His hands in my hands... His feet in my feet. I want them to know and understand that there are circumstances handed to us that cause anger and frustration, but ultimately... what we do with that is up to us. I make the choice on how to handle these situations. Honestly, I have been letting others make that choice FOR me by continuing to feel the anger.

So... I hereby declare I'M DONE WITH THAT! I'm asking for the prayers of others, because the situation I'm speaking of is anything BUT over. It's only just begun. I need to be in prayer and feel the prayers of many over how I handle it from here on out. I need to choose my words carefully. I need my words to be His words. I need to keep my emotions as far from this as possible. I desire my heart to be heard, but in a calm and collected way.

One of my step-sisters wrote a post about a song that is played frequently on christian radio. It's got beautiful words that speak so much truth to me. Thanks for the reminder, Alexis! I REALLY needed it this morning.

" I believe always, always... My Savior never fails."

He will not fail me. I will grow through this and be better for it. The persecution seems so intense, but nothing in comparison to what Jesus faced for me. My Savior will not fail me... He will love me forever. He will hold me up when I want to fall. He will show His face and speak His words in EVERY area of my life... as long as I allow Him.

Joy will be mine... it is not for the taking.

"The joy of the Lord is my strength". ~


Alexis said...

I'm praying for you today...

T said...

me too...

The Holbrook Family said...

Beautiful post Tami. I love the transparency, and there is so much growth happening here sis.! You are so loved by your Papa and know that you are covered in prayer this weekend. He will fight our battles for us. Rest in Him today and be amazed as He shuts the mouths of the lions. Wrapping you up in love today.