Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Raging Seas

There have been many occasions during the past couple of weeks where I have reflected upon my current emotions, but I haven't had a chance to record them until now. We have had sickness in the house for a couple of weeks. For now, wellness is back. The boys are at school (it STILL feels weird to say/type that) and the little one I watch is taking her nap. The house is quiet on this cool, fall-like Tuesday afternoon.

I think I mentioned here before how I have felt recently that God is stirring things up in the depths of my soul. He is speaking, but my ears are not able to decipher the words yet. Well... maybe I should say I'm not ready to hear what He's saying. I honestly feel like most of the time this is the case. I often say that I need Him to put things in writing for me. You know... like a bill board or something like that. What I often mean by this is that I need (want) to hear Him clearly... making no mistakes about what He's saying.

In truth though, most of the time I already know what He's saying... I'm just not ready for it.

I was talking with a friend yesterday and she shared something that made perfect sense to me. She told me how it's a known fact that often times a mother eagle has to literally make her nest messy in order to get "the kids" to leave when it's time. They would stay FOREVER if the mama bird continued to clean up after them and do everything she could to keep it comfortable. As soon as she begins to make it UNcomfortable though... they take that as their signal to move on. Interesting, huh?

Well, God is starting to make my nest here a little uncomfortable. No, do not take that in a literal way. We are not moving. However, I do believe that God is moving me in different directions. He is making plans for me. New ones.

So, you know how I am about change. I'll fight it every time. UGH... you would think I would have learned by now! Therefore... I am asking a few friends to pray. Please pray that I'll fight the urge to fight. Pray that my heart will be open, my ears will be listening and that every part of me will be willing to follow a God that I trust and adore. Pray that whatever it is He has in store for me next won't present itself as being "too big" for me. Pray that I have confidence in knowing that He won't give me more than I can handle.

I'm so thankful that I have a God who is everything to me. I'm thankful that I can surrender myself to Him and be directed by His desires for my life. I'm thankful for quiet moments to pray and reflect.

I'm thankful for those in my life that I can go to and ask for prayer... knowing that you will do just that.

1 comment:

Dad said...

"He is speaking, but my ears are not able to decipher the words yet."

I have to admit that when I read those words I thought about the many times when you were a child how your ears were too plugged up to hear anything!

I understand much of what you are saying. I have been going through some of the same processes myself. I thought once you were in your 60's all of that would stop. God is taking me in different directions. In fact, I can't even explain what He has been doing in my life as of late. When I try to explain, people just look at me with this blank stare, like, is this guy crazy?

So my nest has been messy for sometime. I'm sure my wonderful wife would agree when she walks into my "man cave". But its the mess of change, and I don't know what to do or think.

I posted something on Facebook the other day that really spoke to me. I have grown to appreciate the writings of Henri Nouwen as of late. He wrote the following:

"To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God molds us according to God's love and not according to our fear. The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control."

God brought those words to me the other day as I sat in my messy nest. I don't know anymore than you know Tami what God has in store, but those words of Nouwen: "....... letting God define our life, trusting that God molds us according to God's love and not according to our fear." Ring true!

I will pray for you!