If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you've probably read about how I've felt God moving in me and directing me to new places. I've posted my thoughts about "the unknowns" for awhile. I have shared that I didn't know what direction He was taking me, but that I could just feel that there were new things ahead. I have also shared my frustrations over not knowing WHAT He had planned. I'm not known for my patience...
All along I've never felt like being a wife and mom isn't enough for me. It is the only thing I've ever truly desired to be, and I'm SO grateful that God fulfills my heart in these ways. Over the past few years though, I've read several books about living outside of my "box". These books have changed me, and encouraged me to think in ways I've never been challenged to before. For me, being a follower has a different meaning than it used to.
This morning I met with my pastor and friend. Towards the end of our meeting, that almost dreaded question came up...
"Besides being a wife and mom, Tami, what would you say your passion is?"
So... it's a great question. One that comes to mind a lot when you're trying to get to know someone better. It's a question that I've always known the answer to and never had a problem with... until recently. Recently like just these past few months as I've been waiting to hear SOMETHING from God about this new "adventure" I've been praying about. So, I answered the question as best as I could... sounding like a confused, rambling teenager. At the end of the answer to the question, I looked at my pastor and said, "Does that make any sense?"
Yeah... sure. Uh-huh.
As I got into my car and went about my day, doing the weekly grocery shopping and other errands, I had that unsettled feeling once again. I was in that place where I was wanting to DEMAND God to tell me NOW what He has in store for me. I AM DONE WAITING, LORD. PLEASE, PLEASE... NO MORE WAITING. The next person that asks me that question, well... I want to be able to confidently tell them the answer!
He gave me my answer.
Available. That is my new passion.
It is so easy for me to see now. God has been telling me for months! He has been teaching me how to be available. It's something that I haven't always been able to do with three young children at home. This year is the first time since becoming a mom almost 13 years ago that I've been able to be available more. And that is what I have been. That is where God has me, and that is outside of my "box".
I have been available for quiet, undistracted prayer with friends over the phone and in person.
I have been available to cook meals for people in need.
I have been available to house a dozen or so boys at my house for an afternoon of ball playing.
I have been available to help in ministries at my church, as well as be a part of starting new ministries at my church.
I have been available to be a better wife, mom and friend.
So... this unsettled feeling that I've felt for so long is gone now. I can say (with confidence) that next to being a wife and mom, my passion in life is to be available for people. I know that this doesn't mean this is the end. God isn't done with me. There will be more challenges ahead... more opportunities for me to practice patience as I wait on Him. But for now, available is the challenge I face. It is the adventure I've waited for, and it IS my passion.