This morning I woke up to a very quiet and still house. It was very early, and I embraced the time to just lie still in bed and think. The very first thoughts that came to my mind were about this house we have been living in.
We have spent almost six months here. In that time, I have spent a lot of time complaining about this place. I have taken every opportunity even remotely given to gripe about something related to this house! Truth is, I have learned a lot here.
I have learned more about each one of our boys. There's not a whole lot of space here, so we are forced to be right on top of each other. It's like they have been under a microscope for me to see. I have seen a lot of good, but I have also seen areas that as parents, we have neglected. We have been able to get down to the nitty gritty on several occasions.
This house has taught me more about my relationship with my husband. It has shown me what husband and wife are capable of when there is discontentment. I have seen things happen in my marriage that I have prayed about for many years. We are a team... Ready to live strong and fight to the finish.
In keeping with a policy of honesty though, I have to say that I have learned mostly about myself. I am not as flexible as I thought I was. Despite my desire NOT to be, I am a person who isn't easy to satisfy. Largely, I haven't felt satisfied here. It's hard to pin point where that comes from too. I don't know if it's necessarily the size of the home, or that because of it's many broken things I could never make it feel like home. J and I were never too interested in fixing what has been broken, but neither has our landlord. Thus, the desire to stay never really happened. Sure, we had decided to stay out of obedience, but our true heart feelings were never there. Looking back, I wish that I had prayed more about a different attitude though. I wish that I would have been a better example of humility and flexibility for my children.
This journey is far from over still. We have another two years of renting to do. God has done and He will continue to do what He finds necessary in our lives. Because of what I have learned in this little place that has been home to us for the past six months, I have the capability of being a better wife, mom and person. I pray that I won't lose sight of these lessons and that they remain fresh for a long time.
I pray that the same microscope that has been over my boys will be over MYSELF and that I wouldn't be negligent, but that I would always be getting down to the nitty gritty with me.
I'm so grateful for what I have learned here. He continues to show me.... There is purpose in everything.