Stay tuned...

God has put a big word on my heart this week. Stay tuned for more... just waiting for the time to jot down the words.

Beach Therapy

We spent this past weekend in therapy... BEACH THERAPY!

It couldn't have been any better. The weather was spectacular... the company was fabulous... the food was unbelievable... the time away was more than I could have even wished for.

It was truly a gift. ~

Available

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you've probably read about how I've felt God moving in me and directing me to new places. I've posted my thoughts about "the unknowns" for awhile. I have shared that I didn't know what direction He was taking me, but that I could just feel that there were new things ahead. I have also shared my frustrations over not knowing WHAT He had planned. I'm not known for my patience...

All along I've never felt like being a wife and mom isn't enough for me. It is the only thing I've ever truly desired to be, and I'm SO grateful that God fulfills my heart in these ways. Over the past few years though, I've read several books about living outside of my "box". These books have changed me, and encouraged me to think in ways I've never been challenged to before. For me, being a follower has a different meaning than it used to.

This morning I met with my pastor and friend. Towards the end of our meeting, that almost dreaded question came up...

"Besides being a wife and mom, Tami, what would you say your passion is?"

So... it's a great question. One that comes to mind a lot when you're trying to get to know someone better. It's a question that I've always known the answer to and never had a problem with... until recently. Recently like just these past few months as I've been waiting to hear SOMETHING from God about this new "adventure" I've been praying about. So, I answered the question as best as I could... sounding like a confused, rambling teenager. At the end of the answer to the question, I looked at my pastor and said, "Does that make any sense?"

Yeah... sure. Uh-huh.

As I got into my car and went about my day, doing the weekly grocery shopping and other errands, I had that unsettled feeling once again. I was in that place where I was wanting to DEMAND God to tell me NOW what He has in store for me. I AM DONE WAITING, LORD. PLEASE, PLEASE... NO MORE WAITING. The next person that asks me that question, well... I want to be able to confidently tell them the answer!

He gave me my answer.

Today.

Available. That is my new passion.

It is so easy for me to see now. God has been telling me for months! He has been teaching me how to be available. It's something that I haven't always been able to do with three young children at home. This year is the first time since becoming a mom almost 13 years ago that I've been able to be available more. And that is what I have been. That is where God has me, and that is outside of my "box".

I have been available for quiet, undistracted prayer with friends over the phone and in person.
I have been available to cook meals for people in need.
I have been available to house a dozen or so boys at my house for an afternoon of ball playing.
I have been available to help in ministries at my church, as well as be a part of starting new ministries at my church.
I have been available to be a better wife, mom and friend.

So... this unsettled feeling that I've felt for so long is gone now. I can say (with confidence) that next to being a wife and mom, my passion in life is to be available for people. I know that this doesn't mean this is the end. God isn't done with me. There will be more challenges ahead... more opportunities for me to practice patience as I wait on Him. But for now, available is the challenge I face. It is the adventure I've waited for, and it IS my passion.

Keepin' It Real

It has never been my intention for anyone to get the idea, simply by reading this blog, that my life is perfect. Don't get me wrong, the smiles that you see in the pictures that appear are genuine. We have tons of fun around here too, BUT...

Perfect, my life is not.

That's just the way god wants it to be though, isn't it? If it were perfect, then I probably wouldn't be "on the line" with him throughout my days. It's sad, but isn't it true? When things are going well, we usually do stop and say "Thanks"... but isn't it most often a pretty quick thanks? I know it is for me.

However, when things are far from perfect, God hears a lot from me. He hears me night and day. He hears my anger and frustrations... He hears my tears and sorrow. He hears ALL of me!

So... in keepin' things real here, I thought I'd journal a few of my recent cries.

When it was really decided FOR us that we would have three children instead of the four that WE had thought we'd have, I heard plenty of people tell me, "Oh, but if you stop at three, you will have a middle child". Like I said, this wasn't really a decision that we had completely come up with all on our own. Because of medical reasons, we NEEDED to stop at three. Therefore, I rationalized in my own head regarding the whole "middle child theory". I told myself that it really wasn't an issue. It had everything to do with how you raised your children. If you did your best to treat them all equally, then none of them (including the middle one) would feel any differently from the rest. Well... I'm here today to tell you...

I was wrong.

My middle son struggles a lot. He has a very strong personality. He severely dislikes submitting to authority (especially the authority of his big brother) and he absolutely LOVES telling his little brother what to do, and HOW to do it. This makes for a very bad combo. He is ten, but he thinks he's fifty. I love him so much, and my prayer for him is that God will use his strengths in a positive way and that He will continue to point out and refine Colby's weak spots. The problem is... the whole submission thing. In order to start the refining process, you have to first admit that there are weaknesses and acknowledge where they are. We're not there yet, but for the past couple of months, God has had us all in this fire-y place. Most weeks are packed with heart to heart talks, punishments over making bad decisions, lots of tears and words that make a mother's heart ache.

The words aren't unkind words. The words are from his heart and they are words that tell me that he just doesn't think God can make him any different than he is. I assure him that we all feel this way at times, and that God CAN and WILL change what needs to be changed, but first we have to COMPLETELY submit to His authority in order for that change to happen. God never gives up on us... even when we have.

This boy of mine has such a sweet spirit. His teacher at school even tells me that all the girls' eyes are on him, and it's not solely his looks... it's his spirit. He loves to make himself available to help people. He has been called "charming" on many occasions, and I agree. During these past weeks I've been praying specific prayers for him and for us, that we would know how to handle these situations, and be completely directed by God. That we would choose the correct words, even in moments of frustration, so that we wouldn't damage that spirit. Today I heard this song (as I've heard it a million times before) and it spoke to me differently. It became a prayer too. It is my prayer that Colby will hear these words whispered in his little ears over and over, and that he will believe that God wants all of him. For, more than anything... God loves him. God loves Colby more than even I can fathom.... and I KNOW that God has big purpose for this middle son of mine.

** In order to hear this song I'm speaking of, make sure to have your volume turned up. I know I often can't read and listen at the same time, but it's worth it to hear these incredible words! **

And Then There Was Light!

After almost two very long weeks of cloud cover, rain, snow, wind, and more rain... the sun came out to play today, and OH MY, what a glorious day it has been!

Just yesterday I was drawing up the plans for the ark....

Today the sunshine was bright. The boys went out to play... all FOUR of them. Copper came in the house and I didn't have to light candles in every room to get rid of "wet dog" odor. There was no need to clean my windows several times today because of mud splatters.

I was spared the HUNDREDS of little men arguments over silly things because cabin fever wasn't in my house today.

God is good. He always takes care of the details... even when it's little ol' me asking for just one day of sunshine to break up all of the dismal days of rain. I hear the rain is coming back, and that's okay. I got my day... and WOW... was is it ever sweet.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, so that it will be even more fruitful. ~ John 15;1,2 ~

I sit here in my quiet living room right now with a fire going in my wood stove and the hum of the dryer in the background. The boys are at school today, and the little one is sleeping. My house is rarely this still and quiet.

My house is quiet, yet my spirit is not.

There is purpose in that though, isn't there? I have found that during these times when everything is still around me, with the exception of ME... God is working. He is working on me. He is speaking to my heart and doing the gardening. He is pulling those big ugly weeds and turning the soil. He is planting new growth and waiting to see the fruit.

I am willing, Lord. I am willing to grow where you want me to grow. I am willing to bear what ever fruit you see in me. I am willing to face the hardships of the pruning process. I am willing to see what you have for me to see. I ask that you help me hear only the voice of truth, and that my ears will be closed to anything or anyone else speaking anything BUT truth to me. I pray that all of my insecurities will be cast away, and that I will have faith that can move mountains, God.

You Know You're A Mother Of Boys When...

I thought I'd start off the new year with a bit of humor. It is humor, yet truth, and it is near and dear to my heart. With that said...

You know you're a mother of boys when...

You visit someone else's home and use the bathroom and before proceeding with anything else, you check behind the drawn shower curtain to make sure there are no jokesters lurking.

You spend a whole afternoon grocery shopping... only to have the food disappear before your very eyes within 24-48 hours.

You dread cleaning the bathroom. I know, nobody loves cleaning the bathroom, but can I just say that boy bathrooms are SOOOOO much worse than any other average bathroom?? UGH... YUCK!

You find a half dozen rocks and rubber bands in the washing machine.

Febreeze spray becomes your new best friend.

You find a "sports cup" in the cup holder of your mini van. This isn't the kind of cup to drink out of , people.

There are guns of every sort (rubber band, bee bee (sp?), wooden, Nerf, cap, etc.), hand cuffs and even whips lying around the sofas, on the kitchen counters, on the bathroom floor (hey, you never know when an unexpected intruder will interrupt) you get the idea, right?

And finally...

You know you're the mother of boys when... You go to bed at night feeling like a princess because your boys sure do know how to make you feel loved and appreciated for all the "boy stuff" you put up with on a daily basis.

I love my boys... they're the best!