A Grateful Heart

My day is coming to a close. I am tired. Actually, I am tired of being tired.

But such is life.

The days are all so busy that they seem to collide with each other faster and without pausing. My days are so much different than they used to be. They seem so calculated... Predictable.

The alarm clock sounds.

I set my feet on the cold floor, only to be stunned that it's time to do it all again.

I go through the morning rituals of preparations for the day... Wash, brush, apply, etcetera.

The boys and I all pile into the van and we head out in to our separate, yet also connected daily journeys.

I enter a classroom full of children that make my insides smile. They need me, and I have discovered that I need them too. They teach me as I teach them.

When the school bells sound, I gather all of my men (big and small-ish) and we playfully talk about our day's journeys. It is all so good.

It is good because I am grateful. I am grateful because I have it all. Really... I do.

I have got to be the richest woman alive! Is my life perfect? No, it is far from that. Grace allows me to see past all of the imperfections though, and into a life that is blessed beyond measure with everything that I had ever hoped for... And so much more.

So although I am tired of being tired, and even though it will all begin again in just a few hours... I go to bed tonight with a grateful heart.

Grateful for ALL of it.

When There Is Hurt

Matthew 18:21, 22

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
   Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy seven times."

People hurt people. For years, I have processed being hurt by people in different ways. I have tried many techniques, only to find that there is only one that heals.

The past two days I have slowly crawled into the lap of my Father. He has pulled me in close. He is healing my wounds. He is whispering into the depths of my soul that I have to forgive in order for the wounds to close. My wounds are fresh and wide open, but I know with time there will be nothing left of them. The Father heals as I reside with Him.

Several years ago I heard a pastor speak about forgiveness. This message is one that has stuck hard with me. He told us that we are required to forgive, but we are not required to let the person who continually hurts to come back and hurt more. Even though I have been hurt to inner parts this week by this person, I feel free too. I know now that I do not have to let this person continue to come back in. There is closure. There will be forgiveness as I let the Father breathe into me His grace and mercy. That same grace and mercy will spill from me and out to others. I will be free of all of it soon.

This brings me such peace today as I have these sweet conversations with my Jesus. I'm grateful that I no longer search for other things to bring me comfort... When there is hurt...

Jesus heals.

So Long

It's been so long since I've been here.

It's been so long since I have sat long enough to really think.

It's been so long since I've gathered enough words to write that would make any sense at all.

It's been SO long!

An unexpected clump of time has found me here tonight though, so I sit with my lap top in a cozy corner of my living room. Everything outside oozes the arrival of fall. It took awhile this year. As I gaze out upon the panoramic view of the hills and the lake from my living room window tonight, I cannot believe my eyes! The trees appear to be glowing they are so vividly bright. The sky is gray with a solid line of an orange sunset at the bottom of the horizon. It's all amazingly GORGEOUS! The air is crisp too. It's no longer warm enough to wear just a t-shirt outside and be comfortable. My sock drawer has been revisited this week while my flip flops have found their way to the back of my closet. I refuse to live as the native Californians do and freeze my tootsies off during the cooler seasons! All of these hints of this new season reminds me of one thing...

My season of hibernation is coming up. Baseball is soon to be over and there are only a couple more weeks of soccer. I enjoy watching my boys play their sports, but this time of year has become a real treat for me too. I LOVE my months of lingering Saturdays and slower meals around the table with my family during the week. As a family we have learned our seasons well. We have mastered the skill of dividing and conquering during the busy times, and we have perfected our season of hibernation too. We have learned the art of balance. Such an art it is too. With a family of three boys, it took us awhile to get where we are... It wasn't easy. At times, it still isn't. Once in awhile, temptation rears it's ugly face and tries to take hold. I think back to last spring when we let one of the boys try out for a year around sport. In the end, they didn't have enough boys to make a team, so it didn't work out. There was disappointment of course, but now? Now we are thankful. We are thankful for the Lord's continuing protection of us... Of our time. He knows best.

I hope to have more stolen moments of time to sit and get cozy while writing during this season. There is much on my heart, but the words are still in a rather scattered state. They will come together though. They always do. For now I am going to just bask in this moment of fall and the reminders of all that is lovely about it right now and in the days to come.

Growing Up

Some things I've noticed lately....

Top 10 Reasons That I Know They Are Growing Up

10. The cans of shaving cream seem to disappear faster.
9. The grocery bill each month has become greater than the national debt!
8. The regular bar soap has been replaced by Axe, Old Spice or anything else that smells "manly".
7. Their laundry loads have doubled in size not simply because there are more pieces... The pieces have just doubled in size.
6. When I call home, it sounds like a stranger is answering my phone. No, not a stranger, it's my son.
5. They aren't home as much anymore, but when they are home, they are pretty busy.... With anything BUT Legos. :(
4. Cat In The Hat no longer lingers on my coffee table. In it's place sits the latest teen novel.
3. "Crafting" doesn't mean pom poms and pipe cleaners. It means a million kazillion little plastic painted model pieces needing to be put together (not my gift people).
2. Hearing the music they play makes me cry... Not because it's cute, but because it's BEAUTIFUL!

And the number one reason I know that they are growing up...

1. They make ME laugh more than I can ever hope to make them laugh!

20 Years

It has been a week now. A week since we started our trek back from a week of unforgettable times together.

My hubby and I celebrated twenty years of marriage last week.

Twenty years of laughing and crying together.

Twenty years of traveling the hills and valleys of this life.

Twenty years of being being side by side with my best friend.

My love has always been able to "Wow" me. It is a gift that he has, and one that I will never take for granted. Last week was no exception! We traveled to the ocean for our celebration get away. My hubby put every drop of thought into every moment of our stay. From the incredibly romantic place where we stayed, to the chocolate dipped strawberries and wine that awaited us in our breath-taking room... EVERY detail had been taken care of. We walked the beaches, we sat by the ocean in big adirondack chairs next to warm fire pits. We read together, and we overall ENJOYED each other. We had no distractions... Nobody needing us anywhere. Nowhere to rush off to. It was just us... Together. Twenty years later... He pursues me. He pursues my heart.

My sweet husband ~ Thank you for such an incredible time. You are an amazing man. Thank you for always knowing just how to capture my heart and speak into those spaces within me that need you so desperately. Thank you for continuing to hold my hand tightly... Even when it hasn't been easy. Thank you for sharing the gift of you, with me. You are a treasure!

I love you ~

Another Teenager In The House!

So it's been a week now. A week since my 12 year old quickly pushed me past the threshold of motherhood again. He saw fit to make me the mother of yet another teenager! Yes, we celebrated our sweet Colby's thirteenth birthday just last Friday. It's been a crazy (but amazing) week, so I'm just now getting around to writing his birthday letter. My boys have come to notice that I do this now, and they look forward to it. I'm sure that by now Colby's probably thinking that I forgot. Colby, I assure you... I would never. Colby has taught me a lot this year. As he likes to prove to everyone around him, he is a boy who is most always all about business. He is straight forward. There are no guessing games when it comes to him. He will never hide the truth, and as a matter of fact... His delivery of the truth has been known to shock people. Having a conversation with Colby is entertaining and enlightening. For such a young man, he has a lot of wisdom. He sees things differently than most thirteen year old kids. He gets life. He gets how hard it is to live up to what is expected of him as a follower of Jesus. He becomes disappointed in himself when he fails. In fact, sometimes I feel like I don't need to punish him when he might deserve it, because he is handing himself a much harder punishment. Colby continues to amaze us on the soccer field. He is quite the "Energizer Bunny" out there that just keeps going... No matter how hot it may be. Fall isn't here yet people, it is HOT! He gets right in there with some boys that look to be twice his size and steals the ball away while making it look easy. He loves his fancy foot work the most. Our French exchange student showed him some cool stuff that Colby now LOVES to put into play at his games. It's fun to watch! Most of all though... He's just a good guy. He works hard at what he does, and never stops trying to improve. He knocks my socks off with his spiritual insight too! Sometimes I feel like I've been to church when I head off to bed at night after kneeling beside his bedside. Happy birthday Colby Robert! You are a blessing to me and to our family. Our lives are richer because of you. This year my prayer for you is that you will continue to remain strong and steady in your faith. More than ever before, you will begin to experience new challenges. As of this day, I do not worry about how you will handle these things, because your relationship with Jesus is constant and sweet. I pray that this relationship only becomes sweeter as you learn how to shut the world out of places it doesn't belong. You and those beautiful blue eyes of yours are like a breath of fresh air to me sometimes. I pray that you will be that same breath of fresh air to those around you. You are loved. Love, Mama

Thoughtful Words

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." ~ Proverbs 12:25

I am one who is highly affected by words. Words can direct me down a lonely, frightening path OR they can lift me up to heights unimaginable. Sometimes the words aren't necessarily even spoken either. Sometimes words can make their way out of a person simply by their actions. Again, both in negative and positive ways.

Our pastor spoke at church yesterday about our tongues. Our tongues are small, yet they are so powerful. One slip of the tongue can lead to disaster that can take a forever length of time to mend. Just the same, one encouraging word goes a very long distance too. Do I encourage often enough? I want to. Do I single the important people in my life out and every now and then SAY something (notice how I didn't say DO something) that lifts them up to unimaginable places? I really want to.

Since I sometimes feel the victim in being the one who isn't lifted up, I desire to be the one who is always doing this for others. It's hard, I have to admit. Life is crazy fast. A lot of days I feel like I'm just on a merry-go-round that doesn't stop. It spins, and I spin with it. I want to take the time to hop off and take a break from the spinning. I need to focus in on people. People that I love dearly. People that I pass in hallways. People that need encouragement!

"Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird of the air may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say." ~ Ecclesiastes 10:20

Isn't it so easy for us to let our words turn sour? I know I catch myself complaining and even in that moment when I catch myself, I wonder, "Why?" Don't I know by now that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile? I think the same thing can be said about our hearts. It takes more emotion out of us to get caught in the negative than it does to bask in the positive. My words on the inside need to be thought out too. When words on the inside are thought out carefully, then they will come out of us in a much more pleasing way. Pleasing to those that hear us, but mostly pleasing to the Lord.

At this present time I feel like I'm a part of "Thoughtful Words Boot Camp". I am learning. I am learning to put others before me. I am learning that the will of God is something not to be fought with, but something to carefully and thoughtfully accept and live out. I need to focus more on living it out through my words. I need to use thoughtful words with others to lift them. I need to be careful about the words that I choose to allow inside of my own head and heart. Whether they come from someone else, or from myself... Do they belong? If not, then let them go.

"... A kind word cheers him up." I pray that I am always the giver of cheer.